8:06 Southern Comfort

Jerk (: 00:01

Welcome to this week's episode of Devil's Trap Podcast. I'm Diana.

And this week we're going to talk about season eight, episode six, Southern Comfort.

Bitch (: 00:14

That is exciting. I would say that I want to drink Southern Comfort, but that liquor is disgusting and I'm not in a sorority.

Jerk (: 00:19

Have I ever told you my southern comfort story? I have a very brief one, I promise. I promise it's brief. No. No vomiting. But when I was in my early 20s, Tuwaka was the shot of preference.

Bitch (: 00:24

that involved the devolved vomit.

Bitch (: 00:33

Well, to waka.

Jerk (: 00:35

Funny story, Tawaka and Soko, Southern Comfort Soko are about the same color. When those get mixed up at the bar, it's very unfortunate.

Bitch (: 00:43

That is, those are not the same. Not the same shot. Tuwaka is what sorority girls should drink. Like it is the easiest fucking liquor. Like I had, there was a bar in, in Manhattan that the bartender would, would buy, like he bought that bottle for, he would buy bottles of Tuwaka for just me and my friend to come in, which is sad. Wouldn't like the bartender's like, I bought you a new bottle of Tuwaka.

Jerk (: 00:45

same shot, not the same shot. There's my story. Didn't throw up, but close. Yes.

Jerk (: 01:06

Yeah. Yeah.

You're okay. Yeah, I mean, 11 star in Tuwaka was my shit.

Bitch (: 01:13

I brought a drunk. Yeah. It's delicious. It really is. Damn it, no one listens to me walking.

Jerk (: 01:19

I haven't had to walk in forever. Anyways, that's my Southern Comfort. Every time I hear it, that's what I think about. It's just like accidentally drinking it, which is the worst way to drink it. Not that there's a lot of good ways, but it's the worst way.

Bitch (: 01:28

Yeah, I think it's also one of the liquors that you experienced as a child. Like, it was in everybody's parents' liquor cabinet and everyone was like, this is... Oh, no.

Jerk (: 01:37

Yeah. I'm going to sip this. I'm sure it's delicious. No, it's not.

Bitch (: 01:42

No, God, I'm going to vomit just thinking about this right now.

Jerk (: 01:45

Don't do that. Don't do that. All right. It's all right to detour right away. Here we go. How are you? What have you got up to?

Bitch (: 01:53

What's unusual? I don't even know. I don't remember. I know I went to a yoga class today and it was hot and they use the word booty, which just makes me like want to like if I ever lose it in gym, that's cause someone's going to be talking about how I'm working on my booty while I'm like trying to do some like.

And it was like, I haven't been in a yoga class in a minute and it was not an easy class. She didn't have any modifications. And there was a lot of like, grab the back of your foot, which is not something you want to do when you have really tight hamstrings. And, but this is also the gym that is offering, I said it to you yesterday where they call it the perfect peach, which is just, also makes me want to vomit. Like, please don't talk about my peach. But.

Jerk (: 02:28

Hmm.

Jerk (: 02:33

Yeah. Perfect peach.

Bitch (: 02:43

I mean, my butt's fine. I don't want to do more glute work, but whatever. It was just part of what you do. So there is that. I know this weekend, like I was, I was going to be like Diana and go to a show, but then I had cramps and I stayed home. I missed Teenage Bottle Rocket. It was just, yeah. I mean, I'm I'm just exhausted too. And I'm just, it's really, really tired. And I think, well, I think we all are. I think the world is just exhausted and we, the world needs a nap is what I think. Let's 2024 take a nap.

Jerk (: 02:54

Yeah. And it was raining, right? Wasn't that part of it?

Bitch (: 03:13

This is what the pandemic should have been. This is the actual nap, not the nap while you're like stressed out that the whole world, that the world is going to explode and end, which, you know, I'm still stressed out about, but less stressed out because I'm not being forcibly confined to my house, right? So this is now the time to, I think, I think we all need a nap.

Jerk (: 03:14

Nap time.

Jerk (: 03:34

And that's I actually I don't like naps and I'm going to second that. I'm going to second it to this time. I'm seconding it. I mean, which says a lot. Yeah, I didn't I didn't I don't think I did. I don't think I went to a show last week.

Bitch (: 03:37

I know you don't, but, or rest, like, yeah.

Bitch (: 03:50

Well, you went to a Mardi Gras event.

Jerk (: 03:52

Well, yeah, I went to a Mardi Gras. I did go to a Mardi Gras parade and there was two marching bands and a DJ. So I mean, I guess that's something, you know, that that was fun. Got to hang with our dear friend who creates the amazing island getaway rum. She was in Dallas. So that was fun to see Stephanie. And then and then I watched the the the superb owl with a pile of snacks.

Bitch (: 03:56

Yeah.

Jerk (: 04:22

It's all family, like that was my weekend.

Bitch (: 04:23

I'm pretty sure I had a pile of snacks even though I didn't have a Super Bowl. I did watch the Puppy Bowl. It's so commercialized these days. When is it gonna be about the puppies? When is it just gonna be about the puppies? I mean, there's fucking like Roku things in the middle of the field. It's so commercial. Capitalism's just dug its heels into the Puppy Bowl.

Jerk (: 04:28

Yeah.

Jerk (: 04:37

No.

No. Wow.

Damn. I don't know. I enjoyed the halftime show of this Super Bowl.

Bitch (: 04:52

I still haven't even seen it, I know.

Jerk (: 04:54

Usher was pretty good. I gave him props. He's still a good dancer. He got on roller skates and I was very happy. Anyways, yeah, it was cool. There was a really cool roller skate dance thing anyways. But yeah, no, I'm gearing up to announce our car shows new date later this week. So I'm doing a bunch of social media work. And then that's about it. That's all I got.

Bitch (: 04:55

Cool.

Bitch (: 05:01

No, that's good.

Bitch (: 05:22

Yeah, and tomorrow is Valentine's Day. So I guess that was true. This will post. But I am wearing a theme shirt, which is just a couple of it's hanging together. But it's the new Twin Temple shirt. Not that I needed more twin. So it's also stupid. They have the bus merchandise like right before they come to town. And I'm like, why am I buying this shirt? Like I bought this shirt like from there. So Twin Temple, like you're not watching the video.

Jerk (: 05:25

It is. We all will catch this after Valentine's probably, but yeah, you know.

Jerk (: 05:44

Oh.

Bitch (: 05:51

They've got it's a really cute shirt where it's like there's a heart and their logo and then like the two of them are like hanging from it and then underneath it which you can't see in the video or anywhere it says let's hang together. But they are playing in San Antonio Friday, I think Dallas is Saturday. But they're on tour go check them out if they come through your town. They are doing now like there is going to be unlimited satanic baptisms.

So like you can I think it's like 100 bucks you can go and they'll dump blood on your head. It's a great time. Go do it. Support the arts. Support your local Satanist. Anyways on that.

Jerk (: 06:16

Whoa.

Jerk (: 06:27

Oh, man. Well, on that note, it's also Ash Wednesday and the start of and the beginning of and the beginning of Lent. So that's also happening.

Bitch (: 06:33

Is it? I guess Mardi Gras.

Wow, that means in San Antonio, that's the start of fish specials. And that is why I like lent because we get fish Friday. Well, they kind of just do it like every Friday, like now, like, but yeah, like, yeah. So there's like the super good fried fish like comes out.

Jerk (: 06:47

But yeah, but but more places. Yeah.

Jerk (: 06:53

I mean, we're also hitting like crawfish season, but I it's going to be a bad crop this year, which is very sad. Anyways.

Bitch (: 06:58

or mud bugs. All right. So Southern Comfort, season eight, episode six, this first aired November 7th, 2012. It was directed by Tim Andrew, who we last saw directed season seven, episode eight, time for a wedding. And it was written by Adam Glass, who we last saw in season seven, episode 18.

party on Garth. So he is continued. I do like when you have like a special character and they get kind of linked with the writers. They know like these are the things that I've done with them. Like nothing the other writers wouldn't but.

Jerk (: 07:29

Yeah.

Jerk (: 07:33

No, it's a nice continuation. But actually, like, I kind of can. That makes sense when you say those. You know what I mean? Like those episodes, I'm like, OK, I can see that.

Bitch (: 07:40

Yeah.

Yep. And so speaking of Garth, that's what we start seeing in our recap.

Jerk (: 07:46

Mm hmm. It is we get a bunch of Garth and then we get a little bit of the. Sam's year off with Amelia and Dean's year off in purgatory. So we open our episode in Kearney, Missouri, and this scene is traumatizing. Like like traumatizing. Yeah.

Bitch (: 08:08

I figured it would get you. So someone is working under their car under a loan.

Jerk (: 08:16

A guy working under us is at night with a jack stand under his car and a woman who pulls up walks up and he's like, Oh yeah, bring me a beer. And she yells, why don't you have Sarah Alcott get it for you? And he looks very confused, but he's still under the car, still under there. And she kicks the jack stand out and the car falls. I, the car doesn't kill him, but it traps him and he's alive.

Bitch (: 08:17

Not being safe.

Jerk (: 08:43

And so she gets the car, she fucking guns it and it decapitates him. We find out later. We just see blood, but you know, he's dead. I'm just going to share. I don't know if I've ever shared. We have a rule in our household because obviously we have old cars. I thought so anyways, and Dave's been running over a car and we're always scared about the jet.

Bitch (: 08:55

talked about on the show before. Yeah.

Bitch (: 09:01

Jason, babe, it's been run over by a car, like while he was underneath it or like just in general, he was out of a break.

Jerk (: 09:04

Yeah. Yeah, like the jacket, like the like, like it didn't have the the chalk on it and it like rolled on him. And then my car, if it if it were to fall off the jack stands and you're under it, it would trap you but not kill you. That's why we have the rule of not being under there. Anyways, but yeah, very upsetting.

Bitch (: 09:16

Yeah, he would kill somebody.

Bitch (: 09:26

But I also have the intrusive thought of I kind of want to kick out that jack stand Like I can see that like if it was just there and what it's like motorcycles like all in a row like there is the intrusive thought of I just want to kick them I know I shouldn't but I just want to kick that jack stand

Jerk (: 09:40

Boop points, domino, over.

Oh my lord. Well.

Bitch (: 09:47

So that's how we start with some pitter -patter of blood splatter of him everywhere. And then we cut to delicious ribs.

Jerk (: 09:53

I couldn't even call babe in the room to watch it. So we're at Fat Max Rib Shack with Sam and Dean. And I just had rib surgery. I can't talk now. Dean found a case, but Sam's mad. He's like, we haven't spoken since Prentice Island.

Bitch (: 09:59

That looks so good. I just want to, I'm not going to run on those ribs.

Jerk (: 10:16

Man, man, man. And now you have a case?

Bitch (: 10:16

Why we have to we have to talk about Benny. What is Benny? Okay, so we got to talk about Benny and Dan Dunn is like, okay, so but like, why is Danny still breathing? What about Amy? And Dean's like, what about Kate? And we let her live, right? And but then I like this whole thing, like is the whole premise of Benny that pisses me off is what about Amber Benson? What about Tara? What about Lenore? Whatever the fuck her name is on the show, but you let her live.

Jerk (: 10:22

Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do.

Jerk (: 10:34

Mm -hmm.

Bitch (: 10:46

Like you both agreed, I believe it was Sam that was like pro like she's fine. She and her Kevin or whatever her nest can go along their way. And that was Sam's idea. If I do recall. So like what?

Jerk (: 10:59

It's very inconsistent. It's inconsistent. And that's the annoyance. But then also, like, you think that, like, Sam always wanted Dean to come around on this shit, so why is he so fucking mad at him for it?

Bitch (: 11:08

Because Dean has another boyfriend and he was being secretive about it. We kind of get some of that out later, like he's lying about it, which is true. Like if you are hiding your boyfriend, your friend, whatever, like from your partner, your brother, whoever they are, generally that says more about you than it says about your partner probably and what you feel about them.

Jerk (: 11:12

I gotta... yeah.

Jerk (: 11:33

Ben, Ben needs to call. Am I in a secret relationship? It's a show on MTV. It's very dramatic.

Bitch (: 11:40

Those sounds very dramatic.

Jerk (: 11:43

Uh, but yeah, and Dean, I'll put two talks a little bit though. He's like, look, yeah, I got a vampire buddy and you turned your phone off for a year.

Jerk (: 11:55

It's not wrong.

Bitch (: 11:57

So they go to the crime scene and then they have one there is this our thing fights?

Jerk (: 12:03

Yes, of course. And I do like that Dean shares that when is decapitation not my thing? Pretty funny. But there's a lot of decapitations, unfortunately, that are probably not their thing. So that's kind of a weird one, too. But Garth is there. Garth is there. Correct. Yes.

Bitch (: 12:19

that would be December, but yes. But they find out a Texas Ranger is there, and that's how we were like, Garth! And then that's also just like, premonit -like, if you just forward watch to Walker, Texas, this is all very funny, if you think about it.

Jerk (: 12:35

Yes, it is, but it is definitely not dressed like a Texas Ranger for the record. They have a very distinct uniform and look, and this is not it.

Bitch (: 12:44

No, I don't know what I would call his look. Mountain man. He's just got a really great fringe jacket on. But also, I mean, whatever. Whatever, Garth.

Jerk (: 12:49

That's weird. It's weird.

Jerk (: 12:55

Yeah, yeah. Garth is happy and gives hugs because that's what Garth does. And, you know, he's like getting teased by Dean, like, what the fuck? You're a Ranger. Why are you near Missouri? But Garth's phone's ringing and he opens his little fringe jacket and there's three phones tucked in there and he's giving a guy tips on how to kill a revenant. And this is when Sam and Dean have the revelation.

that Garth is the new Bobby.

Bitch (: 13:29

Garth is the new Bobby. And he's very, very righteous in pointing out that Dean was gone. We don't know where the fuck Sam is. Somebody had to step in. That's a whole year of monsters that are running around, like killing people, needing help, and they don't have the help from Bobby. So fuck off, Dean. Why are you being so mean to Garth?

Jerk (: 13:36

Matter of -

Jerk (: 13:47

with hunters needing help.

Jerk (: 13:53

Yeah. So he's like, all right, I'm going to introduce you, though, to the son of this victim slash the killer. And by the way, mom, who is one that supposedly the killer, she's at the hospital and they don't really get anything of note from their quick talk with Scott Lou, the son. So they're going to keep investigating where they.

looking around this garage and Garth steps in this green goo.

Bitch (: 14:27

And he can tell that it's ectoplasm by how it tastes. But you do wonder like, how does ectoplasm taste? Does it, I think does it taste like licorice? I think it tastes like licorice. That's my thought. Then you think about the black to green, you know, like so absinthe, like so, so like black licorice or the black stuff. And then it tastes more like, you know, wormwood, like absinthe when it goes with the green.

Jerk (: 14:27

And he tastes it. Gross. What does it taste like?

Jerk (: 14:37

Huh. Like a niece. Yeah. Okay.

Jerk (: 14:51

Interesting. I wondered, but I hadn't gotten that far in it. So it was like ectoplasm absent. I don't even know. I'm going down a rabbit hole. But anyway, so Garth gets another phone call and it is the coroner who is letting him know that they found the name Alcott carved into the victim's chest with the wife's fingernails. That's weird.

Bitch (: 15:18

Yep. Also, his phone is playing Wild Wild West and he does answer it with Ranger McCray, which is a reference to the mini -series Lonesome Dove in which Robert Duvall played Texas Ranger Augustus McCray. And also, I think that it's smart to have Wild Wild West play when you have to answer as a Ranger so then your brain automatically goes, oh, it's a Western. I'm a Texas Ranger. I like it.

Jerk (: 15:43

Western. Yeah. Yeah, that's smart. Smart. So at the hospital, they're going to question the wife, this woman who killed her husband by kicking the jack stand. And while they're.

Bitch (: 15:47

Smart, smart growth.

Bitch (: 15:59

And then like and then Carl like so what like she ran him over and then like dragged him out and was like, oh god.

Jerk (: 16:07

I guess that's what I don't know. So. And she's like, yeah, I was at the store and then my son fired me in the driveway and he's dead. I don't know. I remember pieces and like that makes Garth giggle. But she remembers his screams and burning rubber and uncontrollable rage.

Bitch (: 16:30

Yeah, and during this scene, we're getting a lot of like these super intense shots. And so you can really see like Jared Padalecki's nostril work, like just that nostril acting like really hardcore, just like this is what I'm thinking. And then like his stupid hair is just like there like fluffing. So dumb.

Jerk (: 16:43

Mmm.

Jerk (: 16:47

getting fluffier and fluffier the more she talks.

Bitch (: 16:49

fluffier. So just like I think it's gonna start like there's a wind machine that's gonna start blowing this behind him. So yeah, but yeah, so we learned from this besides his natural work, we just learned shit about Sarah that Sarah Alcott was a chicken high school.

Jerk (: 16:55

Yeah?

Jerk (: 17:03

Yeah, some chicken high school that Chester banged when they were on a break.

Bitch (: 17:08

We were on a break!

Jerk (: 17:09

And that was it. And then but then they've been Mary and Chester have been together for 37 years since. So whatever. And and apparently she's still alive. So Sam and Dean and Garth go to eat at the diner and Garth asks Dean where he's been for the last year and.

Bitch (: 17:32

No, it was a bar. I don't think that was a diner. That looked like a dive bar, like a grit, like a pub, a grill, but not nice enough to be a pub. A nice house. Sports bar and grill. Damn sports bar and grill.

Jerk (: 17:34

uh pub pub and grill

I sports sports bar and grill.

But Dean's like, yeah, I was in purgatory. And Garth says, that's balls. And Dean is distraught because that is not how you say balls.

Bitch (: 17:58

It's not how you say balls. It's just not.

Jerk (: 18:02

But Dean won't answer the question about how he got out. So but they are going to start talking about the large number of Confederate flags. And so Garth

Bitch (: 18:12

not Confederate flags, Hillbilly Hankies. I think that is a great name for them. So all of the Hillbilly Hankies that are hanging in this establishment, which I, of course, everybody like, you're like, Whoa, like, like, that is not something that I haven't been in the deep South in a, in a minute, but I still think even now, like 2012, that was still kind of.

Jerk (: 18:20

Thanks, buddy.

Yeah. Right.

Bitch (: 18:40

That's a, that's a lot of hillbilly hankies in this store.

Jerk (: 18:42

There was a lot in this place. I still see them around.

Bitch (: 18:46

Enough that I would probably be very uncomfortable and be like, what is happening? What are you fretting for?

Jerk (: 18:55

Oh, well, Garth's going to give them a history lesson about Missouri. Because apparently he learned a lot in college because he went to college and then he.

Bitch (: 19:08

You've learned this in elementary school! Missouri was the state with the... Anyways, sorry.

Jerk (: 19:17

Either way, Missouri was a border state or was a border state in the Civil War. It was very complicated for those people for people that lived there. It was a thing. Right.

Bitch (: 19:21

What has to do with Missouri was being brought into the United when it was being brought to the United States anyways anyways Okay, we're not going to that but it's something that you learn when you're in third grade anyways And then again in like every time there's a new story so Anyways, okay, but we also learned that Garth killed the tooth fairy

Jerk (: 19:28

Not history day. And again and again in junior high and again in high school. Like it's a thing.

Jerk (: 19:38

Well, but because he was a dentist and his first case was the tooth fairy. That's amazing. I want to see the tooth fairy. Go ahead.

Bitch (: 19:47

I love the story. Yeah, someone should make the backstory. I want to see Garth's first case.

Jerk (: 19:53

Not only did Garth go to college, Garth went to dental school and then became a hunter because while he was working as a dentist, his first case was killing the tooth fairy. Epic.

Bitch (: 19:57

Garthon Tintental School.

Bitch (: 20:05

But all I can picture is the tooth fairy that was in one of the earlier episodes and he's like that with like the cherry hat and like, you know, a lot of our guy friends will dress as a tooth fairy. And then when they got the cherry hat, the cherry hest, the hairy chest and like the man, like a big burly man in a tutu, like that's what I pictured Garth fighting.

Jerk (: 20:22

Yeah, sounds amazing. I need that story. The girl who does not, if not a fan of fanfic is requesting this. I'm just saying. All right, so there we go.

Bitch (: 20:27

It does. Somebody make that happen. All right. So.

Bitch (: 20:35

Yeah.

Jerk (: 20:39

We've got Scott, Scott Lou, the son is going to go to the store and he's talking to a woman on the phone that sounds like a significant other. And he's hitting his inhaler and reaching in his mom's bag for money because he's taking her stuff to the hospital for her. And, uh, something he touches in the bag does something to him. And we have green, uh, and greenish black goo dripping from his ear.

Bitch (: 21:04

My friend, go!

Jerk (: 21:06

Yeah, so he goes inside and he's trying to avoid some dude that he knows and he's like, you do. And so he just gets to try to get some fucking coffee. This guy walks up.

Bitch (: 21:12

Jeff!

Bitch (: 21:20

If I ask that like I just know if it's like Swelltown thing just like I'll fuck Jeff's in here All right, like if I just like go to the lake I was gonna go behind this aisle like Jeff won't see me if I go over here

Jerk (: 21:27

coffee maker and yeah.

Jerk (: 21:34

So Nicholas, anyway, he gets his fucking coffee and then the guy like starts talking to him and start brings up getting his money back. And then all of a sudden Scott's got the coffee on him. And I start stabbing him repeatedly with a shovel.

Bitch (: 21:53

Yeah, and throwing hot coffee, like I think the hot coffee in the face is worse than stabbing him with a shovel. I think I would rather be stabbed with a shovel than get the hot coffee thrown in my face. That would be my, yeah, that would be my choice. If I had to pick, I would pick the shovel.

Jerk (: 22:00

Brutal.

Really? Okay. If you had to do it either or, I don't know, man.

Yeah, but I don't know if you're going to survive the shovel. You can survive the hot coffee.

Bitch (: 22:15

Yeah, but then anyways. All right. And so in the mirror, we see that it's not, it's not Scott.

Jerk (: 22:17

Sounds awful.

Scott. Mm -mm. It's a, the mirror flickers to a dead Civil War dude.

Bitch (: 22:26

Yeah, decomposing. He does not look like a good, good times. He's, you know, he's very, very blue, which is weird because he's not union. So Dean and Sam are now going to come check and Garth. Sorry. Dean, Sam and Garth.

Jerk (: 22:33

No. Yeah. No. It's very odd.

Jerk (: 22:42

Yeah, and they're going to come investigate and they immediately discover in very obviously it says the name Sussex or the word Sussex, S -U -S -S -E -X written in blood on the cooler door. I just feel like this is like super obvious and it looks like they act like they just like, oh, look at this clue we've discovered. But anyway. That's ginormous and obvious.

Bitch (: 23:03

Detective Sam has detected a clue.

Jerk (: 23:09

But anyway, they find more ectoplasm because Garth steps in it again. And at this moment, Dean realized that Garth Dean realizes that Garth is actually wearing one of Bobby's actual hats. And Garth's like, yeah, you know, we worked at Rugeroo case and he left in the car, so it's fine. But Dean is not happy and he snatches it off of Garth's head. That's not very nice. But they're going to go watch the security footage. Obviously, the security footage is fucked up.

a shocker. And so Sam's gonna go talk to Sarah Alcott and Dean and Garth are gonna go research who or what Sussex is. Which makes sense. Love that too.

Bitch (: 23:52

It's a town in England also a place in Long Island and so anyway, so Sam does go talk to Alcott and she is stylish and I like her she has he's only here for a minute by like her porch I like that she's meeting him on her porch like I feel like I would get along with it like I don't know like She's like a cool chick

Jerk (: 24:03

That's good.

She's done.

Jerk (: 24:13

Very chill. I like her. But she's like, yeah, it's real weird that the FBI is asking me about who I went to prom with. And you're obviously enjoying my tea, but, um, you know, yeah, Mary kept Chester on a short leash. Hmm. And I was just a reminder of his betrayal.

Bitch (: 24:32

Yep, and basically we find the story. You know, he begged, they begged, he ghosted her, he eloped with Mary and Mary just never got over the fact that while they're on this break that he put his dick in her and Mary get the fuck over it.

Jerk (: 24:43

Yeah. In high school. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, she's, yeah, it's a lot for that long. Yeah.

Bitch (: 24:48

or go bang somebody else. Like if you can't like get past this like 30 years, like that's a long time to be hanging on to this shit. So you look at the great life that Alcott is living. She's living her best life.

Jerk (: 25:02

Yeah, she's having a best life. Yeah, she's remarried. She's married now. She's got a first. She had her name hyphenated and all that.

Bitch (: 25:09

But unfortunately...

Jerk (: 25:12

Now we're going to get a flashback. Ta -da! Because now we got to go back to Amelia's motel room and she and Sam have obviously banged and she is now explaining why she's there because she is a widow. Her husband.

unexpectedly to her joined the military and then got deployed very quickly. So he enlisted suddenly deployed quickly and went to Afghanistan and had died eight months prior to her arriving in this town.

Bitch (: 25:31

died eight, yeah.

Bitch (: 25:47

Yeah, it's 2012. So I mean that makes sense right going to Afghanistan and then not you know, but so she moved to Kermit to get away from all the pity and But also eight months ago damn

Jerk (: 25:59

and reminders.

Yeah, that's not very long.

Bitch (: 26:04

damn Amelia but I mean also like hey if you gotta get over like a man climb on Sam Winchester.

Jerk (: 26:13

Well...

Bitch (: 26:15

And we gotta be sad, at least be sad while like you're, you know, riding a Sam Winchester.

Jerk (: 26:19

Riding Sam's just... I mean, it can be sad a lot of places, but...

Bitch (: 26:25

You know that you're going to be crying like and you know that she cried during that sex too like there's no way like she there is no way the first person that she slept with after her husband is only been like dead for eight months Amelia um but yeah she there was you don't know Sam she was like you couldn't see it she was crying anyways I'm not wrong there's no way I'm wrong

Jerk (: 26:31

Uh...

Jerk (: 26:45

Damn. Yeah. Well, no, you're not. No, no, you're not. Well, we cut back to Dean and Garth doing their research, but Dean will not let Garth have a beer because Dean, Garth can't handle his booze. We know this. And Garth calls Dean an idiot and Dean is mad because he says it kind of a laughing way, not angrily because it should be said angry.

Bitch (: 27:12

It should be.

Jerk (: 27:14

And Garth's gonna try to pry because you know he wants to know whoa

Bitch (: 27:21

What's really weird though is I couldn't hear it. No, I couldn't. Okay.

Jerk (: 27:26

No, I did. So they've Garth wants to pry though about how Sam and Dean are acting weird and then tries to talk about Bob. Basically, Garth wants Dean to talk about his feelings because Garth wants to talk about feelings and Dean doesn't. Dean doesn't want to. But yeah. And then but Dean's like really tries to shut down. He's like, you're never going to be Bobby. But Garth makes a good point. He's like, look.

Bobby belonged to all of us, not just you and Sam. So taking what he showed me and I'm trying to do something with it. Boom. Boom.

Bitch (: 28:00

Hmm. That's right Garth. Boom. You dropped this bit of righteous truth on Dean Winchester because it's right. Bobby belongs to everybody. He's not just your Sam and Dean. No, no, no, no, no. And also Sam's not being bitchy about this shit. It's just you, Dean.

Jerk (: 28:07

Correct. Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Jerk (: 28:17

Okay. So in the midst of this, Dean comes down and discovers that Sussex was not a person, but it was named a business. It was Scott Lou and the guy that he just murdered at the convenience stores business, their partners and uh, yeah. And it went under. So, yeah. So there we go. So Sam's beef.

Bitch (: 28:33

They had beef.

Bitch (: 28:38

I don't know why I started using the term beef when I started writing my notes, but I think it was because I feel like, yeah, we're going very 2012. Like, yeah, they've got beef.

Jerk (: 28:43

Are they beefing?

Jerk (: 28:50

Well, Sam calls to let them know that Sarah's clean, so they know that Sarah's not tied to this at all. And Garth is sitting there and he's flipping through. He's got Bobby's notebook and he's like, wait, this green goo, this could equal a specter and a venging ghost.

Bitch (: 29:06

Right, and so I had to look this up because I really, I was like, wait, what is the difference between a ghost and a specter? And then I found out that it was just some nerdy grammar shit and that made me happy. So according to the content authority .com, a ghost is a supernatural entity that is believed to be the spirit or the soul of a deceased person. It is commonly depicted as translucent. Basically though, ghosts are associated with the haunting.

And so they can do ghost stuff, whatever, but they're, they're a haunting, right? And a specter is also a supernatural entity, but it's different because while a ghost is like the disease, the spirit as someone who died, specters are often associated with other entities or demons or shadowy figures. Um, and so they, they say, you know, like, uh,

Jerk (: 29:53

Mmm.

Bitch (: 29:58

Specters are able to manipulate the physical world more easier and can cause objects to move or disappear so We're gonna do a quick thing there. I'm just gonna like shove in shove a quiz on Diana because it's fun so quick quiz on the difference between a ghost and a specter not Phil Specter Phil Specter is not coming into this so I'm gonna give you a word give you a sentence. They're gonna be in blank You're gonna have to figure out this supposed to be a ghost or a specter

Jerk (: 30:12

Woo!

Bitch (: 30:28

So and these are pretty easy, but I think they're a really good way to learn so number one the old mansion was said to be haunted by a blank

Jerk (: 30:28

Got it.

Bitch (: 30:40

the blank of Christmas past visited Ebenezer Scrooge in the famous Charles Dickens story.

Jerk (: 30:49

So I think the word often uses ghost, but I would think that would be a specter based on the definition.

Bitch (: 30:54

It is a specter because it's not a haunted person, but technically we don't know that. The ghost across this basket have been Bill. All right. So question number three, the blank of a smile flickered across her face as she remembered the happy memory.

Jerk (: 31:00

Okay.

Jerk (: 31:13

It's not gonna be either, right?

Bitch (: 31:15

It's but his ghost because it's translucent. I guess I don't know After his death his blank was said to appear at the foot of his bed every night That was ghost. All right, and the last one the blank of the dead soldier appeared to the grieving family and their dreams

Jerk (: 31:17

Yeah. Ah, okay. Okay.

Jerk (: 31:39

Ghost. Spectre? Oh.

Bitch (: 31:40

inspector.

I don't know, because it doesn't make sense because it's a dead soldier so that is the ghost of a thing but it's the... I don't know, I still don't understand the difference.

Jerk (: 31:52

Hmm. Hmm. All right.

Bitch (: 31:56

But I knew, you like if it's because they just said other dead soldier, right? So that implies that it was a person.

Jerk (: 32:00

Yeah, that's why I was going that way. Interesting.

Bitch (: 32:04

But I guess because it's not a haunting, right? Because it's in a dream?

Jerk (: 32:07

Right, it's not a haunting, it's just a dream. That must be the difference. Okay. Ah.

Bitch (: 32:11

Sure, alright. The English language is stupid. Alright, so Gareth has learned about a grave.

Jerk (: 32:15

Yes.

Jerk (: 32:20

Yes. And there's a grade that was desecrated in town three days ago. And so they're going to go check it out. And it happens to be the local, well, the the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier from the Confederacy.

Bitch (: 32:37

the unknown confederate soldier which is very distinctive from the unknown soldier.

Jerk (: 32:41

Right. So.

Bitch (: 32:43

And how did Garth learn about the Confederate soldier?

Jerk (: 32:48

Well, because he does an annual Civil War reenactment, obviously.

Bitch (: 32:52

Yeah, and then so they had to figure out what they're gonna do. And of course the obvious answer is, well, we're gonna burn it, burn them.

Jerk (: 32:54

course.

Jerk (: 33:00

Yeah, we're gonna come back at night and burn the bones. Yeah.

Bitch (: 33:02

And Sam has a great line, which is, burn a Confederate soldier's bones in a town full of rednecks. Sure. And I also like, I would say that in a much different voice. I feel like, burn a Confederate soldier's bones in a town full of rednecks? Sure! That's how I would deliver that line. But you know, Patalecki, you made your choice. That's fine.

Jerk (: 33:20

Ahhhh...

Jerk (: 33:26

Well, you know, so they go back at night and they're like, hey, OK, so they all they know is that the police found beer cans, graffiti in the casket opened, but it looks like everything is still in the in the casket. So they're like, fine. Well, it's not it's like a. I don't know, it's found. What do you call that tomb? That's what I.

Bitch (: 33:40

I don't think that's a casket.

Bitch (: 33:44

is a tomb.

Um, was on a sarcophagus. Ooh. See, see now we have a whole other tangent to run back at another day, which will be, what the fuck do you go? So it's in a tomb, right? But it's a tomb. It's a tomb. It's because there's a tomb of the unknown soldier, right? So the tomb is above ground. I think mausoleum in means there's more than one. I don't know. We're going to be, this is a weird, I feel my goth cards we get taken away.

Jerk (: 33:56

Well, the room's a mausoleum, right? But that's a tomb. It's an unknown soldier. Yeah, correct.

Yeah.

Oh.

Bitch (: 34:16

because I can't tell you the difference between.

Jerk (: 34:16

Your cemetery trivia is

Bitch (: 34:20

I'm not going to be allowed in the cemetery anymore.

Jerk (: 34:23

Oh my gosh.

Bitch (: 34:25

Okay, so note to self, we're going to chalk that up later and come back with a bonus bonus thing that says what the fuck that's called.

Jerk (: 34:30

Well...

Jerk (: 34:35

Well, the info, the basics are, though, they open the sucker up and it has gold guns and sword in there. So it looks like it hasn't been disturbed. Looks like nobody took anything out of it. So like, fuck yeah. Yeah, exactly. So they're going to fucking salt and gas this shit. But Garth wants to say something because it is, you know, a deceased person and they're going to burn their bones. And Dean pauses and just says we won. And there's a match on it.

Bitch (: 34:46

Cause eBay.

Bitch (: 35:05

That was awesome. I love that moment. All right, so that fucker's being burned and so we go to the sheriff's office and what a sheriff in a small southern town is an asshole.

Jerk (: 35:22

Yeah, the sheriff's a real dick to Doug, the deputy. So and Jeff, who killed his butt or not Jeff Scott, Lou Scott, Lou, who. So Scott killed Jeff is having his asthma attack in the cell, so he's like, please go get my inhaler from my stuff in my evidence bag. And so he's going to do it because I mean, yeah.

Bitch (: 35:33

Scott, Scott who healed Jeff.

Bitch (: 35:46

Cause the guy's dying.

Jerk (: 35:49

Can't have him die in custody. Try not to. So anyways, but he's like touches some stuff in the in there in the back, the evidence bag. We don't really see what. And all of a sudden he's got the black green goo from his ear. Son of a bitch. And he grabs a shotgun and goes and shoots the sheriff, tells him to write his own reports.

Bitch (: 36:10

You should have no have other people write your reports.

Jerk (: 36:12

He shot the sheriff.

Bitch (: 36:15

Well, no, you have to hold that because there's a place for that joke. So hold it. All right.

Jerk (: 36:19

Noted. But did anybody ever get Scott his inhaler is the bigger question. I didn't.

Bitch (: 36:23

No, Scotch does have an asthma attack that never like, I'm sure it gets better watching like this guy take a shotgun and randomly shoot, shoot, shoot another law enforcement officer. I'm sure his asthma is his asthma is just fine. He's calmed down. It's cool. All right. So the, uh, the boys come to investigate.

Jerk (: 36:35

Not terrifying at all in that moment, I'm sure. Yeah.

Jerk (: 36:47

And while they're questioning this deputy, they find out like, oh yeah, by the way, as soon as I shot the sheriff, I got tackled by another deputy and he grabbed my gun and said he was going to the hospital.

Bitch (: 36:55

See, this is where the line is because Sam says, all right, we need you to focus, deputy, other lives depend on it. Tell me what happened after you shot the sheriff. That is where the joke should be. And that is also where Garth should have been giggling instead of the pieces line. This is where the giggle should have been.

Jerk (: 37:09

You're right, you're right.

Jerk (: 37:15

It you're right. So missed opportunity for sure. You are correct. Correct. So, yeah, so now we know that one of the other sheriffs or the deputy has a gun and is on his way to the hospital. And all they know is that this is bad because something's wrong. Something is happening that's making people kill people. So.

Dean's gonna go to the hospital and Sam and Garth are gonna go research some more and go to the grave.

Bitch (: 37:45

They're going out to the, they're going to go find out stuff about the unknown soul.

Jerk (: 37:49

right. And we've got our arrival of the possessed deputy at the hospital with his gun. And we do see this reflection of the dead dead soldier in the mirror.

Jerk (: 38:07

Sam and Garth go to research at the library and this librarian, I guess, is going to try to help them. But they, um, Sam has a flashback. I don't know. It's weird timing. He's like on the steps and he's like, has a stops on the steps and has a weird flashback about how Amelia's like, you just need to like get your clothes and go because I don't want you to pity me.

Bitch (: 38:19

Yeah, he's just like, yeah.

Bitch (: 38:30

She's regretting fucking this dude eight months after her husband died and now things like oh no I told him this and he's just gonna feel sorry for me, but why is this flashback here? I don't know. It's just here what I don't know. Okay And Garth is like, excuse me. Hi doing

Jerk (: 38:43

Very weird placement. I don't like it. Very confusing location for this to occur. We've got things to do. Yeah. So, well, they're going to talk to a librarian about theories and we get back and forth. It goes back and forthy. It's just a super back and forthy. But basically, well, what's happening is Dean's at the hospital, the deputy is like blasted and fucking nurses finds a

His the Carl is the deputy's name and he's going to shoot the nurse who was his umpire when he's tried to steal second. I don't fucking know. But luckily he's

Bitch (: 39:20

He got called out by this by this male nurse. And so now he's going to die.

Jerk (: 39:27

Yeah, luckily Dean gets there though, and the shotguns out of shotgun shells. So fine. And then apparently, though, we learned that the specter when it has you gives you super strength. So Dean's gonna get his ass kicked. But the librarian does share with Sam and Garth that there is a theory about who the fuck the unknown soldier is. And basically, it's these two, the two, these two brothers, Collins brothers.

One was fighting for the Union and one was fighting for the Confederacy. And they, you know.

Bitch (: 40:06

Yeah, so the most trite tale of the Civil War that could ever be done. One, it was brother fighting brother. One of them was for the Union. One of them was for the Confederate. And then we flashed and we're like, oh shit, Dean's possessed.

Jerk (: 40:19

Yeah, because he's going to try to like, yeah, basically the specter is like, Oh, I like Dean here, Dean here, here, take this penny that I'm pressing into your hand. And the penny is the thing that keeps them possessed because what they figure out is the, um, the librarian shows them that a penny tied around a string or it is a necklace was very common during the civil war.

Bitch (: 40:41

It's very sweet because it was for good luck and that way if they ever got a loss they always had a penny to buy food or drink.

Jerk (: 40:48

So yeah, I thought it was good too, I liked it.

Bitch (: 40:51

I like that, that's a sweet story. Although I'm like, pity? Shit.

Jerk (: 40:53

I liked it. I'm like, what could you do with that now? I don't know. But I said, now, if you had a penny that old, maybe it would be worth it to sell to buy lunch. But that's about it. So anyway, Sam and Garth are trying to get a hold of Dean now to give him them the news. But Sam's like, oh, shit, I saw a piece of string on the ground at the tomb. That means this whole thing's about a goddamn penny.

Bitch (: 41:06

Yeah, you still had to go find that, but yeah.

Jerk (: 41:21

Let's go to the motel and tell Dean because he's not answering the phone.

But Dean is at the motel waiting for them. The phone's just sitting on the bed and next to him ringing, which also is so annoying. Like, I don't know.

Bitch (: 41:34

You're there, you just put it up. But also I do that all the time. Like, what the fuck are you calling me? Just text me. So they walk in, he just pulls this guy, and you can see the green goo. You can see it.

Jerk (: 41:46

Yeah. And he just points the gun at Sam and it said, you should have looked for me when I was in purgatory. Yikes.

Bitch (: 41:56

Which is like, damn, but also harsh truth. Like, this is what Dean is, this is the core of why...

Jerk (: 41:59

Yeah, so they've been harboring. He's been harboring this. They haven't talked about it. And he's he does have some exceptionally valid points. Unfortunately, I think Sam was mostly wrong here. That's OK. Now, do I think Sam needed to spend a whole year like of his life like searching for Dean when there was no sign of him or anything else? Probably not. He could have fucking chilled some point, maybe. But doesn't mean you give up completely and like stop answering the phone and everything else. It's very bizarre. No.

Bitch (: 42:11

Yeah.

Bitch (: 42:22

Yeah, there wasn't a body. There wasn't a body Sam. Like I get like if there's a body like you get you move on you have 100 funeral you do shit but yeah like I feel like you gave up but we also don't know we don't know the full story about why you love it. Alright so Dean we figure out why would Dean is pissed but we also get then like I don't really hate this flashback because I kind of like I like the way that it's done.

Jerk (: 42:33

Yeah.

Jerk (: 42:51

The kids in the tomb.

Bitch (: 42:53

Well, just the story of the penny, right? It's like the whole like, this is like how...

Jerk (: 42:55

Uh oh.

No, you're right. They do it. They think the little following along of it. Yeah, it's like it's like like how it's made, how it's made kind of a thing. Many. You're right. No, it's gonna be just first starts out with just the kids in the tomb. But you get the one steals the penny, takes it to the store, buys this. Then they get changed. And you know, like the whole thing. It's cute.

Bitch (: 43:01

Yeah, this is how this object's life. Yeah.

Bitch (: 43:17

Yeah, and how like, and there's also just there was nothing really malicious about this. Like, the kid wasn't even possessed. Like when he does like he was, it was funny is like he just what the fuck is wrong with you, you dumb redneck child that you took something out of a 200 year old tape. It wasn't like maybe this is worth fucking idiots.

Jerk (: 43:25

No.

Jerk (: 43:40

You take the like I'm not advocating for grave robbing, but I'm just saying the penny around his neck is what you take when there's that fucking fancy ass revolver there. I'm I'm just saying I'm just saying kid. Yes. Like. I don't even know. I can't relate to this child, cannot relate, cannot relate. Yeah, cannot cannot relate to this kid.

Bitch (: 43:49

Did you see that gun? Did you see that? And then you use it as a penny?

Do you? I can't figure out a way to say things without being offensive. The words I want to use to this child, they're not good. All right. So the child has spent the penny and then that's how it ends up getting going through the change. That's how it goes to the wife. And then we just watch it go through on and on and on until we finally see it getting crossed into his hand.

Jerk (: 44:11

Ah.

Jerk (: 44:26

Yes. And back in the motel room, Sam's trying to like, I'm going to reason with Dean. He'll get I'll get through to him. But these this type of specter possession we've kind of seen doesn't that's not really going to happen. So Dean's going to unload. He's like, you know, I know you didn't want this life and whatever. And I'm going to list your greed, my grievances against you and the mistakes you've made from demon blood to Ruby.

to not having a soul, to pretending to be dead, to running around with Samuel.

Bitch (: 44:56

at this point can you bring this up anymore Dean like I think you need to like stop bringing it like you gotta let this shit go.

Jerk (: 45:03

Yeah. And but, but he's like, but these were all choices that you made. And he's like, I may have lied, but not betrayed you and left you to die for a girl. So Sam attacks Dean at this point, but Dean has super specter strength. Super specter strength is in, in the scene.

Bitch (: 45:18

Take off your shirts.

Jerk (: 45:26

And Garth's gonna intervene though, cause he's like, no, no, Dean won't kill me cause his beef is with Sam. Beef.

Bitch (: 45:34

Beef? Where is the beef?

Jerk (: 45:38

But he's still gonna point the gun and Sam's like no we look at you what about Benny? That's an example and of course have you lying to me and Dean's like

Bitch (: 45:46

Why Sam? Why? Like you're just, you're poking the bear. At this point you're just poking the fucking bear. There's no reason for you to bring up any.

Jerk (: 45:51

Mm -hmm.

And Dean's like, Benny's mother brother in the past year and everywhere. And Garth's like, who the fuck's Benny? So anyway, but then he's going to keep going on and like basically talking about how everybody's let him down except for Benny. But Garth's still trying to come through to him. But Dean's like, no time to say goodbye. And he's about to shoot. He got to shoot Sam. But Garth hits Dean just right. And it makes him drop the penny.

Bitch (: 46:00

You

Bitch (: 46:23

The punches are good for you, Garth.

Jerk (: 46:25

but it hurts his hand to do it. And Dean kind of comes around, but Garth then picks up the penny, which is terrifying. Briefly.

Bitch (: 46:35

Yep.

Jerk (: 46:38

But apparently it didn't affect him and he melts it down. I don't know. Uh, and he kind of explains that. Yeah.

Bitch (: 46:43

much like the kid, you know, like, because there was a teenage kid that did not get possessed, right?

Jerk (: 46:47

Yeah. Mm hmm. He's like, yeah, I let stuff go. I see a yogi and I've got a Sega Genesis. I can't change the past.

Bitch (: 46:58

I feel like it okay made me misunderstood that line. I thought his yogi was the Sega Genesis.

Jerk (: 47:04

Maybe. I may have misunderstood it then too.

Bitch (: 47:08

But also to stop being an idiot, right?

Jerk (: 47:11

That too. And yeah, yeah. So there we go. Sam and Dean have each other and they need to, everybody needs to hug it out. That's what Garth wants to do.

Bitch (: 47:24

Hug me, you fool. Right. And most of our hanging out, we see this amazing neon sign of the little Dixie Motel. I just really like the blue and the peach colors together in the neon. I thought that was really well done. And it says welcome to Jesse James Outlaw Days and then double rooms are $45. And that's just amazing. A motel room for $45. But we're going to talk about some ghosts and we're going to talk about now it's lore.

Jerk (: 47:48

Dean Dean Dean okay

Bitch (: 47:54

They can't, you know, like no, I was trying to do a segue. All right. All right. So the, the, the hotel sign says, welcome to Jesse James out. What day's reason for that is Kearney or Kearney or the fuck you want to say this town in Missouri was actually the home to Jesse James and the Jesse James farm is there.

Jerk (: 47:59

Ah!

Go for it.

Jerk (: 48:10

Yes.

Bitch (: 48:21

And that is supposedly haunted, but I'm not gonna give any more times to that racist piece of shit Jason Jess James instead We're gonna talk about another family in Kearney or Kearney, Mississippi, Missouri I don't know why I didn't learn how to say this name Like I thought I knew how to say it and then you said it a different way earlier. So now I'm just questioning myself. I Just was calling it Kearney and I guess it's cuz I'm southern

Jerk (: 48:22

Oh cool.

Jerk (: 48:39

I don't know.

Bitch (: 48:46

But anyway, so we're going to talk about the Ebbhart family, Lance, his wife Jennifer, and their children Chloe, Emmy, and Heidi, and their haunted farm. So the Ebbhart family, and you can go to their site now, and it says, it's the Mies, Maas, what was it? What was it? Mies, Maas, Tex, Tejas, Ranch. Mies, Maas, Tejas, Ranch, M -I -S, my.

Jerk (: 49:12

Okay.

Bitch (: 49:14

Yeah. So, but if you go there now, you get a site, basically there's a sign that says our page is getting a refresh and there's the pictures and horses and a little girl with a giant squash and that they're currently partnered with the wine company and they specialize in free range, eggs, zucchini, okra, cantaloupes, watermelon and pears. Pumpkins come in soon for the fall to taste our fresh baked goods and Texas hot sauce is a movie. Bueno, y 'all. But.

Jerk (: 49:42

Hmm.

Bitch (: 49:43

Thank you, Internet Archive, for keeping pages of the internet forever. And so within this website is the blog of Lance Ebbhart, which details the haunting of their land. This is featured in a Dead Files episode, season eight, episode one, hell in the heartland.

Bitch (: 50:08

We did not know dead files is one of the paranormal shows where Steve does shiavi. What? Fuck you say his name and Amy Allen investigate paranormal activity. Steve's kind of like the horror historian PI like dude. Amy's a medium. Like I think I don't know if you've ever seen the show. Like basically they like go in separately. And then at the end they reveal to like the the the client like this is what happened in your house. And like she's like this is what I felt like as medium. The other guy is like this is what I learned.

Jerk (: 50:22

Okay.

Jerk (: 50:27

Right.

Bitch (: 50:38

Really like, they'll come together and spooky. So their home land one time is thought to have had an antebellum plantation home on it that was burned to the ground by Union troops. So Thailand, Thailand. So the Eppardstead moved to Kearney from Houston in 2008. They bought the farm after seeing it on the internet.

And there was like, we've got to have this. Look at all the horses. It's great. It's all smooth. And so while when they move in, their oldest daughter, London, she took the back room and she was 13 then. And she was having dreams about a woman in the room touching her. She heard people banging on the window yelling, let us in, let us in.

London told her parents one time that she saw a woman sitting on the bed and when she came into the room, like her face was shallow, eyes dark, and there was an overwhelming degree of sadness in the room. The woman would wake her up, hold her down, and scream at her. So she tells her parents this. They put her on beds and they didn't help. And so things continue, but they're not consistent.

Jerk (: 51:41

No.

Jerk (: 51:49

Fuck that noise.

Bitch (: 51:56

Right. And the family has a couple of parties in one there's like one of the kids was like, who's that guy that was walking down the driveway? And they're like, what, what guy were the only adults here? Like, and so there was nobody there. And then like, what are their other kids had a party and in like the pictures there's like orbs like around everybody. Right. And so as the activity increased, they started trying to do some investigations, like recording EVPs.

And this is quoting straight from Lance's blog. We had already started watching paranormal shows and hopes of getting some advice. Maybe we could find something similar to what we were experiencing. At the time, our options were limited to ghost adventures, the dead files, and the stuff we found on YouTube. Other programs seemed staged and not helpful at all. YouTube was filled with, for lack of better word, crap.

Ghost Adventures was the go -to show for us. We started watching before they turned into big celebrities and were really all about documenting and researching. We thought if we know what we're dealing with, then maybe we can get rid of it. So they attempted to do some basic like questioning over EDPs and you know, getting like, like nothing's really happening until London asks, do you like my cat?

Do you like playing with her? And that's when they played the tape back, they heard a male voice going, no. Apparently didn't like that cat. So they did more EVPs, they got some more disturbing results. Then physical activities started happening. So like the cupboards are popping open, TVs were staying on after being unplugged.

Jerk (: 53:32

Uh -uh.

Bitch (: 53:47

printer in the basement where Lance was working just started printing out paper without being asked to which I'm like that's just a printer that's Russia yeah that's yeah they found a historical grave on the site well out there they heard shots and Lance got winged by a bullet in the leg then Jennifer the wife as she began to wake up with bruises it was looking like somebody was grabbing her

Jerk (: 53:55

Yeah, I mean, that doesn't count. That's not a good example.

Bitch (: 54:15

She was being woken by her legs being pulled. Lance was being jerked towards the bottom of the bed by his ankle. And then things just started like toy airplanes just started like flying all over the house, right? Lance starts asleep walking and sleep writing. In his writing, he wrote out the story of Charlie Reynolds, Lonesome Charlie. And they did find out, yes, there was a Charlie Reynolds who had ties to the area.

Jerk (: 54:27

Mm -mm.

Bitch (: 54:42

He served as a scout for the military and was killed in the Battle of Little Bighorn. Charlie was, however, disgusted by the treatment of the Native Americans and was pro -Humans. So, I just like that they had to put that in there to cover their asses about Lonesome Charlie. He was probably not any of those things if he existed. Okay, so the Eberhearts decided they needed help and reached out to the dead files.

They ended up getting a group of investigators who told them they were doing a preliminary investigation for the show with a psychic medium who had worked with Amy in the past. So the team comes out and the team is there. Half of them are inside, half of them out. Jennifer started smelling like there was like cigarette smoke everywhere and other people are starting to smell this too, but nobody's smoking. The investigators felt like the basement had the most demonic presence. So they wanted to go down there.

And so they go down there and they ask a bunch of questions and nothing happens. And so like one of them is like, well, we need to draw this out. Let's go sit in the circle on the floor, right? And then let's all start asking like really aggressive questions. And so they're just like, you know, yelling at the ghost and Lance told them that someone grabbed them and the investigators like, did you just do that? And then Lance heard a voice behind him go, yes.

Jerk (: 55:45

Right.

Bitch (: 56:03

And then he felt a cut on the back of his neck. And then he ran up the stairs and the crews were like super excited because they're like, we've got scratches. And Lance has said there are more like gouges. And so like he runs out and eventually though they get him, eventually the team goes back to the basements and Lance was not down there, but he said, he heard a team member say, we command you to come forward, show yourself. And.

Jerk (: 56:17

Mm -mm.

Jerk (: 56:31

Show yourself.

Bitch (: 56:32

Yeah, show yourself. Oh, sorry. Lance was down there, right? And so Lance starts feeling like, oh, like, like things he just passed out. But Jennifer was watching upstairs the monitors and said he was picked up and thrown across the room. At this point, the investigators have decided it's too much and they have to leave. And Jennifer was pissed and was like, no, you're not just going to come in here and piss off this thing and leave. We have to live here. And they're like, okay, well, we'll do this cleansing. Here's, we're going to burn some stage.

Jerk (: 56:56

Right.

Bitch (: 57:01

So the psychic runs around with the sage thing and if Diana has a cup right now, what does your cup say?

Jerk (: 57:11

Not enough stage in the world for this shit.

Bitch (: 57:14

Yep. So apparently they did not have enough sage either. So as you sage in like a light bulb is bursting. And so the psychic then was like, this is fucked up. Burn all this shit and delete all the evidence and we'll be in touch. So they don't hear from them for a while. And Jennifer reaches out and they're like, nope, nope, evidence was inconclusive. Delete everything. And so the family's like, oh, you actually weren't connected with dead files at all. And maybe your sage didn't do it.

So things just start getting increasingly worse. Lance starts hearing a crazy lady talk and nobody else could hear her, but he could. He started getting migraines. He couldn't sleep through the night. One night while he was laying in bed, he started hearing this one whisper. Why are you ignoring me? Please tell me I am without words and scared. And finally he was like, I don't know. He's like,

Jerk (: 58:03

No.

Bitch (: 58:12

Because I don't like you. You scare me and I want you to leave me alone." And she faded away and the voice stopped. And it helped for a little bit but Lance became began to become physically ill and terrible joint pains as insomnia was worse. Then one night while he's trying to sleep again, he heard, you can toss, you can turn, but you will never be comfortable again. I will make you come to me.

Jerk (: 58:14

Hmmmm

Mm -mm.

Jerk (: 58:27

Mm -mm.

Jerk (: 58:38

Oh no.

Bitch (: 58:41

make it all stop all you have to do is come to me and these are his exact words the bitch was back it was now attacking me

Jerk (: 58:59

Ahhhh!

Bitch (: 59:00

So after that, sorry, I had to put that in there. So after that though, his health continued to fail. Lance went to the doctor. He was put on Zoloft and the loxacam. They didn't seem to help. He kept hearing her giggle. But finally he was able to block her out. But the last like right before that, the last thing he heard her say was, all the elixirs in the world will not help. I am the only remedy.

Jerk (: 59:31

Good Lord.

Bitch (: 59:32

So yeah, so things continued, right? At this point, like the oldest kids going for college, they have a horse, they have to put that down while they like, they just stay there, they're still living there. So I told you, this was, yeah, this was in 2008, I think, then all the way forward, right? So we go through like, Dead Files is there in 2016, I think, so.

Jerk (: 59:39

How long do they fucking stay there with this shit going on?

Jerk (: 59:50

that.

Bitch (: 59:53

And so when the horse gets put down, Lance saw like a tall man like standing in the horse's grave and Lance is like, what you doing here? He's like, I'm paying my respects. And then he walked off and disappeared through a fence. And Lance said he didn't think that guy was paying his respects. He thought he was angry. But then things got worse and everybody starts hearing the crazy lady screaming and the cigarette smoke and the pipe smoke. They're smelling that all the time.

They catch somebody reacting to the scream on the on audio and they finally find the real dead files people and they beg the production company for help. And they're like, look, you know, we're just finishing wrapping our season and we're not sure if we're going to be renewed. So we don't know. And so this is happening and they're like, now, like the ghost, like they think the ghosts are even madder because of reaching out for help and wanting to punish them. So Jennifer said she found like the dog food that spelled out like nice trick.

like in dog food, which is pretty cool. Then there's like a spoon that's flying around and a screaming male has joined the female. There are things that are just opening and moving and disappearing. The bar stools did the thing where they stacked on top of each other's, where it's like legs to legs, you know, like they shouldn't be able to balance like this, but they can. And then activity extended outside to the garage and the barn. And the family is just getting sicker and sicker.

Jennifer's got more bruises and scratches and stomach problems and her vitamin D and iron levels have dropped in dangerously low levels. And this is again, this is all according to his blog, right? So they were over paranormal TV shows and I quote,

Ghost Adventures turned into a primetime drama that only seemed to serve Zach Bagan's ego.

Jerk (: 01:01:52

Oof.

Bitch (: 01:01:53

All right, so but Electronics and appliances are just taking it alive on their own. They would stop working. They would reprogram themselves which seems really convenient They would break down together Shadows are everywhere. The light bulb bill was just through the roof. They were continuously being tormented by the previously mentioned spoon

So a spoon was found like in the yard and they brought it inside. But then like you just like like would end up like back there. And then like the spoon just started like showing up like in all sorts of different places. And then it started flying through the kitchen by itself. Then they're like, Okay, we got to get this on camera, right? So they left like a phone camera set up pointed out the spoon and they went in the other room. Then Lance heard a voice by his ear yell, Hey,

Jerk (: 01:02:34

Hmm.

Bitch (: 01:02:49

and he jumped up and he heard the spoon hitting the floor. Then he saw a pumpkin like flying towards one of the kids. Then the camera phone hit the floor and then they go get the recording, right? And they could hear the hay and the stuff hitting ground. And then they can see these long bony distorted hands reaching out toward the pumpkin and picking it up without touching it and then throwing it.

Jerk (: 01:03:11

Now.

Bitch (: 01:03:12

Yeah, yep. So the camera then froze and Jennifer rebooted it rebooted it and the video is gone But she backed it up in a cloud server. So they still have it All right. So at this point, I'm gonna stop sleeping in the rooms or all the couch together. The kids are missing school They're like knives are showing like up stuck in the ceiling Jennifer has to have her gallbladder removed. They apparently also have like a puppy farm there

and a bunch of their puppies and their kennel die from parvo. Lance then links he keeps seeing more and more figures and he said one day at dusk I was on the back deck and I heard the sound of a scream. I wasn't sure if it was an animal or a human and as I turned I saw an Indian on a horse slowly walking from behind the garage. I was frozen and scared because the look on his face was one of anger. All of a sudden he charged and he got me at the blink of an eye with his beard drawn.

Jerk (: 01:03:43

Oh no.

Bitch (: 01:04:09

I couldn't move, I just closed my eyes and I felt a coldness run through me and when I opened my eyes he was gone and I made a bee line for the house. As I said before about the knives being stuck in the ceiling, like these seemed to be a weapon of choice. They were in the ceiling, the walls, on the floor. While cleaning the kitchen one night, a knife was used to cut up a watermelon and flew across the counter and cut Lance across the arm.

amily. And, but then March of: 2016

There were shadows that were knocking him down and he thinks like the crazy lady was gathering forces to keep the dead files from coming. And one night she like apparently scared off one of their puppy customers. And so they were in the dining room and after scaring them off, Lance heard this whisper in his ear, I control this now. And he said, he whispered back, no, you don't and you never will.

Jerk (: 01:05:06

Hmm.

Jerk (: 01:05:22

Huh.

Bitch (: 01:05:27

And she slapped him across the face and she left like a visible handprint across his face. So the closer to the filming, the more increasing activity became. So the dead files come, they do their whole thing, right? So they do their big reveal. And Amy said that she could see hundreds of dead people walking back and forth in front of the house. But there were some main spirits that were responsible for the family's issues.

Jerk (: 01:05:38

Hmm.

Jerk (: 01:05:51

Mm -mm.

Bitch (: 01:05:55

There was a woman who was jealous of others who get attention from Lance. And that spirit, she said, could physically assault the living as it feeds off the family during their brain power and mental state. They think she was a woman named Edda Peters who may have died from suicide on the property. They just know she was died. But they also think that she was attaching herself to Heidi, the middle girl, because Heidi has PK.

because she's a teenager, she's the one who's making all the poltergeist activity, right? Because like, you know, they say that's what happens like during the teenage side. And then like the ghost is like attached onto, onto Heidi and is using her as like a battery, right? But then this is so fucking disturbing. And it's a thing that gets mentioned. And then like, I never see this get mentioned again.

Jerk (: 01:06:31

Mmm.

Jerk (: 01:06:42

Yeah.

Bitch (: 01:06:52

Then Amy tells Jennifer there are seven ghosts behind her trying to warn her about someone who is hurting one of your girls. They're saying that a living person is molesting the girl who sleeps in the back bedroom and they are trying to protect her.

Jerk (: 01:07:10

What?

Bitch (: 01:07:11

This never gets brought up again, at least like not in the blog. I mean, maybe he talked about, he didn't talk about the show. Like this whole like, well, I'm like, is this a cry for help that a child is getting like, what the fuck here? Okay. Um, but then they also say, you know, another one of the spirits and tall man wearing a hat, um, you know, as a hat man. And Amy thinks that she is.

Jerk (: 01:07:24

Yeah.

Bitch (: 01:07:38

That that was a man. He's a menacing and dangerous figure. And he was trapped in a room by the previous paranormal team and he was pissed. Well, he was trapped in the house. Like that was the one like, I command you to come. And he was like, fuck, I'm here and I can't leave. And so that's why he was like, you know, yanking people out of bed and stuff. But the show did give the family, unlike Sam and Dean Winchester, after they did their things, they did give the family an action plan. And that is good, right?

Jerk (: 01:07:51

Ugh. Huh.

Jerk (: 01:08:04

That's good. Instead of just leaving him hanging like, deuces, thanks.

Bitch (: 01:08:06

Instead of just leaving them hanging, bye, enjoy your mental trauma. So they gave them things the family needed to do, including having the house cleansed by a Reiki master, burning frankincense, having everyone in the house wear protective pendants and cleaning the house, especially all surfaces and windows with salt water, which they did. The Reiki person came and cleaned the soul of the crazy lady's ghost and got her to cross over.

Jerk (: 01:08:33

Oh wow.

Bitch (: 01:08:33

They got rid of the hat man, but there's still some residual residual enemy energy that remains. And there are still visits from good and bad that are occurring, but they studied, they learned how to protect themselves. They sent their kid to a psychotherapist. And now mainly what I can tell, they have just tweaked about the -

Oh, I think he also became ordained and attached to angels. I think I saw that somewhere. So I think he became an angel, too.

Jerk (: 01:08:55

here.

Jerk (: 01:09:02

an angel guy.

Bitch (: 01:09:05

Yeah, so anyways, that's the story of the Abhards in Kearney Kearney, Missouri and in their crazy house haunting shit. I will not say that, oh, what, like all this stuff that got deleted. Strange. A shock. We're about to Garth getting a ceremonial hat.

Jerk (: 01:09:20

Well speaking of Hat Man...

Jerk (: 01:09:29

Yeah, Dean gives Garth Bobby's hat back. I'm not saying that Garth is the hat man or Bobby, I'm just saying.

Bitch (: 01:09:37

You have solved the paranormal question that has been haunting people forever. Who is the Hat Man?

Jerk (: 01:09:45

So, yeah, so he gives that he gives the hat back, which is kind of this is super symbolic and meaningful, even though it's just a fucking hat. It's not so. And. And he gets a call about a when to go, so he's got to leave it, but.

Bitch (: 01:09:56

Bobby's hat. Bobby's dirty ass trucker hat.

Bitch (: 01:10:05

But the phone, so he gets a call from the window, but the phone starts playing hammer time. And earlier Dean had said if his phone plays hammer time, that he is going to lose it. And that is what Garth Springtown for Lamar apparently is.

Jerk (: 01:10:17

Yeah. And of course, yeah. And but so Garth tries to start his car and it won't start. And why does that matter? Because it gives Garth the opportunity to say balls in the appropriate way. And then it starts.

Bitch (: 01:10:30

Who knows? Good balls.

Jerk (: 01:10:34

Well, in the motel, Sam's gonna have a flashback talking to telling Amelia how he doesn't pity her, blah, blah, blah. And how he lost his brother and it randomly just like her. And yeah, and then they should talk about it.

Bitch (: 01:10:55

Yeah, it's so sensitive, right? It's just, it's a very sensitive thing. Sam is uber sensitive.

Jerk (: 01:11:00

Mm -hmm. Yeah. So back at the motel, Sam and Dean are loading up, baby. And Sam's like, you know, he's going to open up about Amelia. He said her name was Amelia. We had a place in Kermit, Texas. And, you know, I know that you didn't really mean what you said. And I was at least I was honest. But you had secrets and acted all high and mighty.

and uh someday i might have to be the one that kills benny

Bitch (: 01:11:32

Yeah, he also has a very good line. He was like, you need to move on or I will, right? But I mean, I think besides like Dean, like you've got secrets, Dean, you got secrets about Benny. I'm like, no, Dean's a fucking psychopath. Like, I think that's like, Benny's not your problem. Like how like Dean's been killing people since he's been back or like monsters. Like, you know, those things, like that's what I would be concerned about, not Benny.

Jerk (: 01:11:50

Not the same as secrets.

Bitch (: 01:12:01

But that's just me.

Jerk (: 01:12:03

Yeah.

Bitch (: 01:12:05

But we all focus on things, you know? So...

Jerk (: 01:12:08

So, well, I'll give us a quick little quick cast roundup. Oh, go ahead.

Bitch (: 01:12:13

I will say before you leave that, the end of my notes, just say after, and Sam may be the bridge, I don't know why I put them in this, but who ices Benny when it comes to it? And then I just have, ah, written out, Roland Tud.

Jerk (: 01:12:28

Well, I'll give us a quick little cast. Just a couple of notes. Mary Lou was played by Chilton Crane. She's Mrs. Gibbons in Final Destination 2 and Susan in the 4400 is a very recurring character. We've got Deputy Doug Wallace was played by Aaron Craven, who had small parts as a scientist and predator, the more recent version, and then as a tech in the

Day the Earth Stood Still, Chester Liu, who gets crushed by the car. That's Chris Newland. And he was had a small part as a cop in Sucker Punch. And also has been in episodes of Stargate Atlantis and Smallville and our corporal Vance Collins. That's our dead soldier that we. Yeah, that's played by Nathan Dashwood.

Bitch (: 01:13:18

Our dead soldier dude.

Jerk (: 01:13:23

He's been in episodes of Smallville, Arrow, and Siren, and also a couple episodes in the Batwoman series as Joker.

Bitch (: 01:13:35

Nice. Yeah, so what did you think?

Jerk (: 01:13:37

So this episode, I actually really liked it. I don't know, I was gonna talk shit about the Sam and Dean dynamic, but even the Sam and Dean dynamic being annoying was entertaining because of how it was done. And it forced some things to come out to the open, and sometimes that's important, and Garth. How do you hate Garth?

Bitch (: 01:13:45

I mean...

Bitch (: 01:13:59

You just can't hate Garth.

Jerk (: 01:14:01

And some really like cool dramatic death scenes. Which sounds shitty, but they were creative. Even though I was traumatized.

Bitch (: 01:14:05

I'll see you next time.

Bitch (: 01:14:09

It was a traumatic episode at the same time. I think it was good.

Jerk (: 01:14:14

Yeah, I liked it. I'm excited to see where we're going because we really barely have mentioned Kevin like they alluded to it once, but that's really what they're supposed to be after. Right. This whole season. And we've barely done that.

Bitch (: 01:14:26

Who knows? Kevin. Where's Kevin? Say Kevin a lot. Sorry, I'm just trying to get a dog. I'm trying to get a dog to help. All right, cheers, sir.

Jerk (: 01:14:28

Who knows?

No, not gonna do it.

Jerk (: 01:14:35

Cheers, bitch.