8:11 LARP and the Real Girl

Jerk (: 00:01

Welcome to this week's episode of Devil's Trap Podcast. I'm Diana.

Bitch (: 00:06

And I am Liz, your dungeon master.

Jerk (: 00:08

And this week we're going to talk season eight, episode 11, LARP and the real girl.

Bitch (: 00:19

We're finally out of the whatever the fuck this first part of this season was and We're into the good shit again. Thank thank you, baby Whatever, whatever deity you do or do not whatever. Thank you writers Thank You Robbie Thompson who wrote this one for getting us here. So before we get into that, what if you hey, hey Diana you see any bands?

Jerk (: 00:25

Mm -hmm.

Jerk (: 00:35

Yes.

Jerk (: 00:46

Just a couple, yes.

Bitch (: 00:49

What was it? What was it? What just happened in Austin that makes everybody else run away?

Jerk (: 00:54

Yeah, it was South by Southwest was in Austin and to be, you know, fair, I guess I did not attend a single official South by Southwest event. I was, however, at Luck Reunion at Willie's Ranch in Spicewood, Texas. And then.

Bitch (: 01:11

Here, let me get that name you just, just pick that name up that you dropped.

Jerk (: 01:16

Willie Nelson's ranch. You know.

Bitch (: 01:19

And you also saw Willie Nelson in -

Jerk (: 01:22

I did see Willie Nelson and Kermit the Frog sing a duet to Rainbow Connection. It's not the first time I've seen Kermit and it's not the first time I've seen Willie, it's the first time I've seen them together. How about that?

Bitch (: 01:28

And it just like sucks, it's not the first time.

Bitch (: 01:34

Well who did? Yeah, I don't, okay anyways.

Jerk (: 01:38

He was with Kermit was with Jim James from my morning jacket when I saw him before. But anyway, so so that was cool. And then it was a great day of live music. Thank God the rain held off. It was like supposed to look real nasty weather, but as I said all day and then Friday ran around Austin, went to about. Four different events on Friday. But was cool, saw a lot of great music, a lot of friends and music.

industry friends and things like that. So it was a really great day. I got eight gazillion steps over those two days and my back and my feet and my legs were very, very slash were slash are very, very tired. And, uh, so, um, yeah, it was a good time though. I had fun. I had a lot of fun. I'm still tired.

Bitch (: 02:27

Yeah, well it's an ass -whip, but you did it. You survived South By once again.

Jerk (: 02:31

Yeah, you know, it was the most like South by activities I've done. No, there was a lot. There's a lot of free booze. It's very fascinating at these events. But yeah, no, I did not get puked on in any way, shape or form, nor did I puke. I feel that's a big win across the board and saw great music. Like, all right, cool. So, yeah, no, it's good stuff. I think that's I feel like that's enough of a recap and trying to think if there's anything.

Bitch (: 02:33

Nobody puked on your feet, so I mean, like, I think it's a win.

Bitch (: 02:46

Yep, so I think that's a win. I think you won South By. Yeah.

Jerk (: 03:01

I think there's just so much, there's just so much, it was a lot, it was a whirlwind. I mean, two days, we drove in Thursday morning, left Saturday morning, and it was, you know, 10 plus hour days, both days on the feet, moving, seeing stuff, talking to people all day. But yeah, so there, how about you? What have you been up to?

Bitch (: 03:01

You're like, I'm so tired. I don't know. I saw so much.

Bitch (: 03:21

So I got to play with some circus stuff this weekend and got to go to my first lyric class in a while. And it was super fun because it was a very different vibe than some of the like more like it was still like circus oriented, but it was more like circus yoga. But it was still wasn't yoga. Like we weren't doing like breath work while we were doing it. We're doing a lot of spins. So I was doing.

Jerk (: 03:25

Woohoo!

Jerk (: 03:46

Mmm.

Bitch (: 03:48

Yeah, a lot more spins than I normally do. So, so yeah, I did spin with like on one foot and like all sorts of things. So kept going around in circles, but then at the end I finally did duo Lyra. So like I was in the hoop and like she, my, the instructor was underneath me and I was like holding her while she was like in the flying in the air. And then like we reversed it and she was holding me while I was.

Jerk (: 04:13

Hello.

Bitch (: 04:18

I wasn't flying in the air like one hands were like on the hoops and then she just had feet but then if you like look at it it looks like like you're holding the person all the way up but they're holding your feet like it's still literally cool so it felt that felt like super circusy so it was great but arms don't hurt

Jerk (: 04:29

That's cool.

Nice.

Jerk (: 04:35

You did all the spinning and you didn't know throw up for you either. That's good. Yay.

Bitch (: 04:38

I didn't throw up either, so I threw up today, but that's probably because my, cause I hurt my neck while I was doing that. I didn't like hurt my neck. I just probably, I, you know, in between doing these things, I'm like, yeah, I'm just going to work on my core. I was like, my lower abs are going to be like super tight and they're going to be great. And then that didn't really happen. Like, you know, like there was some core work, you know, I did, I did some, but not like.

Jerk (: 04:47

Just tweaked it.

Jerk (: 05:04

Right.

Bitch (: 05:08

They're yeah, they're not. I didn't spend that whole break like getting really ripped in my abs or my arms was the plan. So I may have overcompensated and just straightened my neck again, but I know, I know. So it's okay. I broke down and took ibuprofen today, which I never do, but that's why you save your drugs from other surgeries. So if you don't use them then, and then like, imagine I was like, Oh, I feel much better now.

Jerk (: 05:13

Hmm. Okay.

Jerk (: 05:21

Oh. Okay.

Jerk (: 05:29

It's magic. Magic.

Jerk (: 05:37

Yeah, anti -inflammatories.

Bitch (: 05:39

crazy, drug sort. Anyway, so that's my story. I'm sticking to it, but I can move my head side to side and that's all that really matters. So we can nod and talk about, yay, finally super excited to talk about an episode. And it is LARP and the real girl. And if you did not know, that is a play and a reference to the 2007 movie LARS and the real girl.

Jerk (: 05:41

Yeah.

Jerk (: 05:49

It is.

Jerk (: 06:00

Mm -hmm.

Bitch (: 06:09

starring Ryan Gosling, which apparently, according to the Supernatural Wiki, is about a guy who develops a relationship with a real doll, and I did not know that. Is that really what happens in that movie?

Jerk (: 06:22

so I don't know I don't see it I don't know what what what was Ken doing?

Bitch (: 06:23

Does he fuck one?

t happened in that movie from: 2007

Jerk (: 06:36

with him being a doll. What the fuck? There's layers here. Layers. Layers I was not prepared for.

I don't either. Same.

It sounds familiar and I'm sure that's what it is. So go ahead.

Bitch (: 06:57

Yeah. So this first air January 23rd, 2013, and it was directed by the man who once again, I hope, what's your name? And it is John knows FARC. Sorry, sir, sir. I don't know. But last time we saw him here, he was directing mannequin in a mannequin three, the reckoning that was in season six. So it was episode 14. It was really good.

This one was also that episode of Mannequin 3 was also written by Robbie Thompson who did this and or less that may have just been a copy paste error. That is quite possible. I don't know. We'll see. Once again, a mystery. It will never be solved. I will never ever be able to figure out which of them directed or wrote what. Who will ever know?

Bitch (: 07:49

One thing though, and this is also from the wiki, this episode was nominated for a GLAAD Media Award in the Outstanding Individual episode in a series without a regular LGBT character category in 2013, but it lost to an episode of Elementary, which is I think the Lucy Boo Boo show. And I'm just like, well, Lucy Boo was getting like, I would get gay with Lucy Boo, like, and you know, so I can understand that. But

Who knows? Or is it, was Jason Statham in that? Or is it someone who looked like Jason Statham?

Jerk (: 08:19

No, I believe it was, oh fuck, what? No, it's, oh gosh, I can see his face. The guy from Hackers.

Bitch (: 08:24

Was it another bald guy who looked like him or why am I like?

Bitch (: 08:37

the planet guy or oh um shit okay sorry yes

Jerk (: 08:39

Yes, the main guy.

Jerk (: 08:43

Johnny Lee Miller, Johnny Lee Miller also from Trainspotting, obviously, too, but.

Bitch (: 08:50

Interesting, I would also be gay with him, so I mean...

Jerk (: 08:53

Yeah, absolutely. Are you fucking kidding me? I was so in love. So in love. Crash Overdrive. Wasn't that what it was?

Bitch (: 09:00

So, so, so.

You're so old.

So we start off with a recap. And in our recap, who do we see?

Jerk (: 09:13

Yes. And our recap, we see Charlie.

Bitch (: 09:20

Yes, yes.

Jerk (: 09:20

as well as we show kind of the farewells to Amelia and Benny. So. All right.

Bitch (: 09:26

Bye Amelia.

And we go from that into what is clearly a purveyor of the geeky arts.

Jerk (: 09:40

Yeah, it's a nerd apartment. I mean, in a good way, I mean, it's not in a knock way, it's just a nerd apartment.

Bitch (: 09:44

What? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. There's nothing! Look over there!

Jerk (: 09:49

Oh, there's clearly like a Dunsons and Dragons type setup. And he's on the phone talking about like, but it's just a game. But Lance is on the other line and Lance is pissed on the other end of the phone. He's pissed. They get off the phone and he sends an angry, threatening text to this guy. This is we find his name is Ed. So Ed goes to sleep and as he's sleeping,

This weird trait of this is a lame tree tattoo appeared on his arm because I'm an asshole. Sorry. Sorry.

Bitch (: 10:25

See, my asshole comment was a tattoo is magically growing on his arm. I am so jealous. That looks so much more painless and much less time consuming. And it really is the time consuming part. Like, can someone just come can't, no, I was gonna say can't, like my best friend, I was like, no, I don't trust my best friend to tattoo me while I sleep.

Jerk (: 10:36

Mm.

Jerk (: 10:44

You don't want to get tattooed in your sleep. That'd be weird.

Jerk (: 10:50

Well, either way, this appears on his arm and then we get horse sounds. Does we have the coconuts? Do we have the coconuts? Anyways, and but then basically he gets invisibly quartered. There was, but there and then he basically gets invisibly quartered as I describe it.

Bitch (: 10:54

And a whip crack. And a crack that whip. There was also whip cracking.

Bitch (: 11:15

Yeah, yeah, and you can see like his hands like it's very well done. Like he's getting torn apart. The rope burns are like just growing to his hands. It's awesome.

Jerk (: 11:18

Mm -hmm.

Jerk (: 11:26

Uh huh.

Bitch (: 11:27

So we cut from there to baby going down the road. She's just hauling ass of the rain, which just makes me very uncomfortable.

Jerk (: 11:35

To China Grove by the Doobie Brothers.

Bitch (: 11:38

that also makes me very uncomfortable.

Jerk (: 11:40

And basically Sam is all stressed and bombed that they basically have this super powerful weapon against demons, but they can't use it yet. He's talking about the tablet and Dean's like, look, we just got to be confident and have some patience and Kevin, he'll figure it the fuck out. Chill. And Dean is very we get a very mature, introspective Dean in this episode in some ways, but also very not. Because he's like, look, let's.

Bitch (: 12:03

I feel like someone like got Dean on the right meds. Like he's finally like.

Jerk (: 12:10

Let's talk. We've had a really difficult few weeks, bro. And maybe we just need to take a night off and have some fun. We used to do that. Remember, we used to have fun. It'd be so good for us. And Sam's just kind of like, mm. And then his phone rings because Garth's calling. Because they've been Garthed. Because they all have GPS trackers.

Bitch (: 12:27

Well at first he thinks it's Kevin, but it is Garth. And they're just like, how did you find us? You've been Garthed. I don't wanna be Garthed.

Jerk (: 12:38

So Garth has been GPS tracking all the hunters so that he can assign them cases as they come in. Pretty smart. Pretty smart. And Dean admits it. Dean's like, yeah, Bobby would have done that. It's cool. Is he is she getting regular maintenance, sir?

Bitch (: 12:42

That is freaking smart. Yeah, because like they like Yeah, they're like they give how much money they're saving on tires I'm very concerned about what they're doing to maybe they're driving her like super fast like while it's all wet and rainy You're driving her back and forth across the country like, you know, you need to take it easy. I Mean, I'm sure she is but it's still like that's a lot that's a lot of her so

Jerk (: 13:07

Yeah. So they get to the apartment and introduce themselves as FBI agents, Taggart and Rosewood, and they meet the sheriff. And I'm just going to go ahead and share now. It's a little bit of a spoiler.

Bitch (: 13:11

They decide, yes, they are going to go to Farmington Hills, Michigan to investigate the Draught and Cordard case.

Bitch (: 13:22

Which are, yeah, so Tatter and Rosewood are from Beverly Hills Cop.

Jerk (: 13:37

I love this sheriff. He's awesome. But he is hilarious. So, um, it is they kind of divide up to go search the apartment. Dean's a little cranky about being on a case and not going to have fun, by the way. But, um, Sam's like, yeah, let's go check out this bloody bedroom sheriff. And they find out this Ed Nelson, he was a 31, 31 years old and worked in like insurance and, um,

Bitch (: 13:40

Yeah, yeah, he has the biggest mustache or T thing that I've ever seen.

He's so great.

Jerk (: 14:06

Sheriff makes a joke about how he lived alone, but you can tell from all the toys. And they discussed the rope marks on the wrists and ankles, but no sign of rope. And Sam notices, finds the detached arm and checks out the tattoo.

Bitch (: 14:10

That's where I have in my notes shut up stupid mustache sheriff your mustache is stupid so Ed also has a bag of chain mail

Jerk (: 14:33

And Sheriff goes on to talk about how the neighbor heard galloping horses and, you know, it could have been TV or a dream or they could have just been, quote, high as balls, end quote. I love this.

Bitch (: 14:44

Yes, yes. And they find out that Ensley Claw's call was from Lance, who was also a candidate for Insel Island. And he was just on the guy, the guy on the phone that was sending the text. And they were super weird. They were like, you shall bleed for your crimes against us. I am a mage. I shall destroy.

Jerk (: 15:07

Oh yeah.

These kids today with their texting and murder, says the sheriff.

Bitch (: 15:17

and I think the sheriff may also be high as.

Jerk (: 15:20

All right. So they're going to go question Lance first. He's already at the police department. They're going to go question before the cops. I don't whatever. Anyways.

Bitch (: 15:24

Eh.

Bitch (: 15:29

Well, the sheriff just is like, he keeps telling him like, he's just like, this is the FBI show now. And I think what's going on is the sheriff doesn't want to work and just like thinks the FBI is going to do his job for them. He's just very happy with this. He's like, I don't want to do this anyway.

Jerk (: 15:33

He's like, well, whatever.

Jerk (: 15:43

Maybe. Maybe.

And he's like, this case is -

Jerk (: 15:52

Lance is shocked to find out that Ed's dead and that the FBI is there and he is crying a lot. So Dean has like literally to the point where Dean has to tell him how to breathe because he's not. And Jacob does a very terrible job trying to explain himself. But finally it comes out that those threatening texts were not actually from him. They were from his character, Gray Fox, the mystic to Thongren the difficult because they are.

characters in Moon Door. When they play every other weekend at the park, you can go check out their website for their current schedule if you would like and they're about to have a big old kingdom battle thing.

Bitch (: 16:26

They're LARPers.

Bitch (: 16:38

Right. And so the reason that he wants him to go check out their website is because on there you can see that he was at the feast all night. So there is proof on this website. But you should know that he is a very powerful mage and it was Lancelot.

Jerk (: 16:48

He's an alibi.

Jerk (: 16:58

and they were going to duel with wands and swords at dawn.

Bitch (: 17:00

Because he thought that Ed had cheated to get into the Queen's honor guard and you just can't do that. It's not fair. You can't cheat and Ed starts crying again. And so Sam and Dean leave because they've had enough of this and Dean's face like during this is just all just very very priceless. Just watching him trying to process what is going on is that this is such a great activity.

Jerk (: 17:22

It is greatness.

Yeah, so good.

Bitch (: 17:29

So outside Sam brings up Dungeons and Dragons and we're going to bring up Dungeons and Dragons because we're going to talk about, I'm going to say lore. We're just going to call it lore because I don't know what to call it. And we're going to talk about the time when Dungeons and Dragons became part of a moral crisis and a panic in America. And a lot of the...

centered around this kid. His name is James Dallas Egbert III. And so we're going back to when I was two years old and Diana was a sperm or I don't know what, what, where she was, she was an egg. I don't know what process or I don't know where she was, but she wasn't, she wasn't born yet. So I will say there's a trigger warning because there's going to be some suicide in this, but so if you don't want to hear about, skip ahead.

So James Dallas Egbert the third, does that name sound familiar to you at all? Okay. So he was a kid genius. And in the seventies and eighties, that was still a big thing. Like being a child prodigy was huge back then you would go on Donahue, like all that type of shit. Right. So he graduated from high school in two years and he enrolled at Michigan's Michigan state at the age of four.

Jerk (: 18:29

Really?

Bitch (: 18:49

And in August of 1979 at the age of 16 he vanished from his dorm however, it was the late 70s and People were stupid then and it took a few days for anybody to notice and They also said you know like hey sometimes this kid goes off and is oh and we don't see him for a couple weeks This is you in mid -august right so kind of like in between semesters, but also

Jerk (: 19:16

This is a minor. That's a minor. Go ahead.

Bitch (: 19:17

He's 16, right? Yeah. And his parents weren't there. His parents were in Dayton, Ohio. So like they have like this kid over there and they don't even like he's missing for five days before anybody calls his parents and say, we don't know where your child is. Yeah. So he and there's basically an empty room, the bed and the wall was stripped of all the posters, except for

Jerk (: 19:36

Or has been for the last week.

Bitch (: 19:47

a note on the desk that asked if his body was found that it be cremated. There was some poetry, there was a tarot deck. The cops took these tarot decks to a fortune teller to look for some meaning in their order but didn't find any. There was also a cork board that was leaning up against the wall and that cork board had 36 blue and white tacks in the shape of a square with a corner.

indented. So those are the things that were that were found in the room. The cops really didn't know what to make of this. And from what I can gather from what I was reading, I think the cops that were mainly investigating this sounds like the campus police, which I would like and every time I hear these stories where they're like the campus police had jurisdiction, I want to be like, no, like you should just

campus police should not be able to do these types of investigations. It just doesn't seem like in their real house, you know?

Jerk (: 20:53

They also, you typically wouldn't have the type of resources and equipment, I would think. I mean, they don't have any, but like.

Bitch (: 20:57

that a regular police department would have. So I'm not sure like what this was going with. So they brought in a bunch of psychics and three of the four psychics that they were brought in said that Dallas was being held captive. And I also missed the time that we used to bring in psychics all the time on police investigations. Maybe they just like heave it more hush hush now or they call them something else or a consultant. But yeah, so.

Jerk (: 21:17

I wonder if we still do and we just don't talk about it.

Bitch (: 21:28

parents brought in a private investigator because they didn't think that the police in Michigan were doing that great of a job. Maybe it was the psychics. I don't know. So they brought in this private investigator named William Deere and he was actually Dallas based. And so he was a friend of Dallas's uncle. He was like, he, him and his team were based out of Irving, I think. And so they were brought in and so.

Jerk (: 21:53

Okay.

Bitch (: 21:56

Deer brings in three of his detectives, sends them up to Michigan while he's like getting things together. Dallas's mom is convinced that he's committed suicide because she pushed him too hard. And from Deer's book, The Dungeon Master, she said, I know he's dead. I killed him. I pushed him about his grades because I wanted him to be perfect to have OAs. I never let up on him. There was a bar mitzvah he wanted to attend in Texas last weekend.

But I told him he had to study. I guess I just don't know how to cope with a genius. I pushed him until he died. So his mom is feeling super, super guilty about like everything. That's like she's in a bad state, right? And Dean's investigators, one of them whose name was, I shit you not, Dick Riddle.

Jerk (: 22:35

lot of guilt.

Bitch (: 22:49

He had been interviewing people in Dallas's life and he had learned that Dallas was most likely gay, at least bisexual, but the, you know, never, you know, not clear on that, but at least, you know, prop more than likely gay. And Riddle spoke with Karen Coleman and 19 year old Coleman who Dallas called mother. And she told him that Dallas was a member of the gay council and activist group on campus.

She appointed them to another person on the council named Peggy who said that she knew some people who could probably tell them what happened and maybe even where Dallas is.

So to put some extra pressure on her Riddle thought this was a great thing. He made a deal with a reporter for the Lansing state journal to print a vague reference that the trail was now hot on the trail of the gays. And so he was going to show this to Peggy to pressure her in order to get him to reveal the sources being like, I'm going to expose him. So that's cool.

Jerk (: 23:49

Right.

Bitch (: 23:52

Not that was me sarcasm. So Riddle had also so learned that Dallas had talked to Peggy constantly about the game Dungeons and Dragons. She wasn't quite sure what it was because this was 1979 and she had thought it had something to do with the Lord of the Rings. She wasn't sure like she said, I hadn't played it, but I know you can't play it if you don't if you're a dumbass. Well, you have to be smart to play this game. And so.

Jerk (: 23:54

That nice.

Bitch (: 24:21

The headlines in the papers start saying things like one of them says like missing genius tied to homosexual group. So the headlines, like what they're saying about Dallas missing, being missing starts changing, right? This narrative of what is going on with this missing kid in Michigan starts going. Cause by now at this point, he goes missing like August 15th. Dean gets, Deer gets brought in like about like a week or so later. So like the...

The thing about being tied to a homosexual group that starts coming out like September 6th is where I first saw that like in the newspapers. So they're already starting to like take this into like a weird direction, right? And so the police spend a whole bunch of time searching the steam tunnels that are under the campus, like six to 800 hours. And Deere also searches these and finds indications that Dallas was there and probably tried.

Jerk (: 24:57

That's a while.

Yeah.

Jerk (: 25:16

Hmm.

Bitch (: 25:17

Then, some have theorized to lessen the pressure on the Egberts about these things that are coming out about Dallas possibly being gay, starts pushing the theory that Dallas was LARPing in the tunnels and maybe something happened there. And then media just get a glob onto this idea of Dungeons and Dragons as part of this. And so maybe that board that they found in the room,

Jerk (: 25:39

Right. Okay.

Bitch (: 25:46

Maybe that had something to do with Dungeons and Dragons. Or maybe Dallas was LARPing and he got stuck in his persona, right? Sergeant Bill Wardwell of the Michigan State University campus police said, police are trying to locate students who played the game with Egbert in hopes they might be able to interpret the bizarre diagram. I'd hate to say it's a secretive game, but you only get into it only by invitation.

Jerk (: 25:49

Hmm.

Bitch (: 26:16

those people just don't come forward. And yes, I understand that you don't want to let people know that you're playing Dungeons and Dragons, especially in 1979, but I don't think it was quite in the way that Egbert thought. So then the headlines in the newspapers start changing and they start saying things like, Cerebral game clue in search. Fantasy game may have claimed missing genius. Student fear dead, making fantasy real.

Jerk (: 26:29

No.

Bitch (: 26:45

And all these newspaper articles are filled with all these wonderful explanations of how Dungeons and Dragons work. And if you've ever played Dungeons and Dragons, go read through these and have a laugh, because most of them are very, very wrong. Or they're just like snippets of it, because basically they started going after the employees of Tactical Study Rules, which is the company that published the rule books.

Jerk (: 26:54

I'm gonna guess all of them are wrong.

Bitch (: 27:14

You know, and like they had just had Gen Con the weekend that Dallas was missing and that was our annual conference for D &D players. And so they have now gotten roped into this. They're getting all these calls from all the media. They're like, what the fuck is Dungeons and Dragons? And they're having to like, well, this is what it is. Like, well, why, like, why is it on a poster board? Like, but you normally like, why is he playing in a steam tunnel? Like, you played on a table, but you know.

Jerk (: 27:40

Oh, yeah.

Bitch (: 27:43

And then the headlines started saying things like, Missing Genius reportedly seen at Game Playing Cult Convention. So, and did Dungeons Dragons swallow Dallas Egbert? So, this kind of goes on. And finally, according to Dear, this is according to William Dear, he speaks with a member of the Michigan State University Tolkien Fellowship.

because of what Peggy was saying about it, something to do with Laura the Rings. And so the Michigan State University Tolkien Fellowship do put published the Tolkien fanzine, yerk, which is Sindarin for orc. And I just love that. Yerk! And it's just their fancy magazine for Tolkien. And I just, y 'all are a level of nerds that I just adore. So according to Dear,

He starts talks with those nerds and that leads to phone calls with Dallas who is alive. So William then has, has found him and he is in New Orleans. He charters a flight for, from Dallas to Dallas during this flight. The only reference he made to his disappearance.

Jerk (: 28:50

Okay.

Bitch (: 29:06

was in reference to the Tolkien Fellowship Group saying they are very far out.

So we end up learning, apparently, is that Dallas had tried indeed to take his own life in the tunnels and he took way loads and was unsuccessful in that attempt and he woke up and he went and stayed with an older male admirer that once all of this came out did not wanna go public because.

Jerk (: 29:22

Right.

Jerk (: 29:34

Hmm.

Bitch (: 29:40

It didn't look good that he had a 16 year old with him, probably is my guess, and helped him to get down to New Orleans where he got into hanging out. It was basically hiding out in the party scene down there where he once again tried to take his life with cyanide and he failed at that time. I want you to remind you that he was 16 and five foot five and 130 pounds and if you were fucking partying with him.

Jerk (: 29:44

Yeah. Yeah.

Bitch (: 30:07

Yeah, and somebody should have just done a better job looking out for his kid. Like, that's just like what's so sad. And, you know, he does get him back home and he ends up the transfer. Yeah, he transfers schools, he goes to a different university, but it doesn't end well. He the next like a year later, like a year of the day, he ends up passing away because he did commit suicide. And so.

Jerk (: 30:10

Yeah.

Jerk (: 30:16

The child.

Bitch (: 30:33

William Deere goes on, like I think he felt really bad about like what he supposedly but what he what he did, I don't know who his role in that but you know, just in general, the whole mess that this that became.

ed the dungeon master, but in: 1981

all that bullshit. So but yeah, like the media like it was really, you know, this is the beginning of the satanic panic and just that time where like nobody really understood like, why are kids are doing bad things? And what are we gonna be? You know, we're gonna blame it on this weird book where they're pretending to be a demon. But

Jerk (: 31:32

A daemon.

Bitch (: 31:32

In reality, you know, he was, you know, he was a kid, he was child prodigy. He got thrown into an adult world, probably way too young. He had a lot of problems with drugs and with his sexual identity. And you're probably the pressure from his parents. And it's this really shitty story. But at the same, you know, it's also just how, how crazy the media went over Guns and Dragons and like, you don't even have like in your mind, I know you can see the new shows, right? Like you can see all of them coming out like.

Jerk (: 32:00

Oh yeah, oh yeah, I can see the headlines now.

Bitch (: 32:03

So this was one of the reasons that that became a thing and like why doesn't just one of the reasons that Dungeons and Dragons became a cool, feared, cold thing is it'll drive you to and just, you know, I feel really, really bad for, you know, for Dallas. But yeah.

Let your kids, you know, let your kids play Dungeons and Dragons. I mean, he, he really enjoyed that world and it was a good escape for him. And it was really weird as I actually got, I haven't, I don't play, you know, role playing games that much because I'm not that much of a nerd. Sorry. Love you guys. But I actually got a role playing game in the mail today because strangers in a tangled wilderness. They put out a, an RPG that I have back of their Kickstarter on and it was all about, you know, I think it's revolutionary.

Anarchist world with witches and stuff. So that'll be fun. It's got like the artwork that came with it's really good in some of the books. I'm super excited. I have a game to play and that is me trying to get the turn the mood after that very sad story, but interesting sad, but interesting story. And now we're going to go back into our sheriff's office.

Jerk (: 33:15

MoonDoy

Bitch (: 33:17

where I am really, really upset because their best strategy is they're gonna check out the website of Moon Door and how do they do this Diana? How do they get to this website of Moon Door? They just walk up to a cop's computer and just start typing away.

Jerk (: 33:33

a random cop's computer, no password, no permission, and they just walk up, yeah, they just walk up to the computer and go to the website. No passwords, nothing. Yeah. Yeah.

Bitch (: 33:45

skill freeze like this. This is the face I was making when I watched it.

Jerk (: 33:49

I'm sure I even laughed at that. I was like, Oh yeah, this looks very, very secure. Sheriff, very secure. So.

Bitch (: 33:56

And you know, he was like, I don't care. Like, I can just hear him saying something really, I wish I knew what the quippy thing he would say.

Jerk (: 34:02

I know me too. Well, these kids and their internet. Anyway, so they do see the footage of Lance at the feast from the night before. So we know that he is his alibi is legit, that he was not the one at Ed department murdering him.

Bitch (: 34:19

And these pictures look like medieval times, like, yeah, like the weekender, the week, like medieval times on a cruise. Do they do that? I bet there is a medieval crimes.

Jerk (: 34:23

Medieval times, but party zone. Like party time medieval times. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. Probably. I bet there is. Well, Dean's like, this actually looks kind of awesome. So they follow it. And at the end of this video is the promo vid for the Battle of the Kingdoms to determine who the next, you know, whatever crown holder will be. But right now it is the current ruler of the Queen, Charlie.

Bitch (: 34:56

Yeah, she is the queen of moons!

Jerk (: 34:59

Yes. So we cut back to good old Lance in the interrogation room. His arm starts itching and he gets another, he gets a lame tree. He gets a tree tattoo. You're not supposed to do that. And he starts coughing and then he spits up a whole bunch of blood and he looks in the two way mirror and blood is pouring from his eyes and nose and he yells and he falls dead. I have a comment.

Bitch (: 35:08

Don't scratch your scabby tattoo dummy. That's rule number one. You don't scratch your scabby tattoo no matter how much it itches.

Bitch (: 35:20

Yep, yep.

Bitch (: 35:26

It's just great.

Jerk (: 35:28

What if you were on the other side of that mirror and you get the blood, cause he coughs and it goes splat. That would have been so upsetting. Anyways, that's my observation.

Bitch (: 35:38

Yeah, I don't know what I would have done, but I just like how the sheriff is just like, okay, y 'all just need to y 'all y 'all come see this. Y 'all can watch this.

Jerk (: 35:43

Here we go. And they show that he watches, he shows the surveillance footage of this all happening to Sam and Dean. He says, God forbid he was contagious. I'm gonna go dip myself in hand sanitizer.

Bitch (: 35:57

And it just reminds me like right when they're lifting some of the restrictions during the lockdown and I went to the Island of Women or whatever it was in Mexico and like when you get off a boat like...

Jerk (: 36:10

Ayla Mujeres.

Bitch (: 36:11

Yes, and you like walk through they just like were spraying like they're like, you know, the things that spray water to like cool you down. Like they were just spraying you with like sanitizer like from head to foot, like as you walked into the island. That's just like this reminds me.

Jerk (: 36:18

Yeah.

Jerk (: 36:24

Gross and weird. So gross and weird. But while they're watching this security footage, Sam notices the fucking tattoo, so now they gotta go see the queen. Ta -da! And so they arrive at the Battle of the Kingdoms at the park, which basically just looks like a run fair on steroids in the middle of a city park.

Bitch (: 36:48

I mean, what is run fair? So what LARPing if you come down to it, except there's a game. Yeah, there's there's a quest. Yes, yes. This is a very, very internal thing, you know, but yeah, it's a huge it's a huge LARPing thing. And it's this is it is gigantic. And I don't even want to know how it goes to set the shit up.

Jerk (: 36:53

No, I know. I'm just but there's a lot more tourists that have been fair. Yeah.

Bitch (: 37:09

So they're there in their fed suits and they see someone is being held in the stocks by Bultar the Furious.

Jerk (: 37:18

Mm hmm. Good old Boultaire, which I miss his name at the beginning. I can just call him like Squire or some shit throughout for my notes. So apologies in advance if I do that later. But they try to introduce themselves to this to Boultaire because they need someone to kind of show them around. And Boultaire stops and describes himself as an interactive literature as opposed to a larper. And.

Bitch (: 37:42

Yes, and we'd also there was also a shadow orc and he was in a stock and we all need to remember him for later. So and his teeth have fallen out and that's where we also learned that within the LARPing world that this is where the whole comes in that you can step out of your gameplay by saying in this case hold.

Jerk (: 37:47

Yes.

Yes.

Jerk (: 37:56

Mm -hmm.

Jerk (: 38:03

Hold, hold. So, Boultaar yells hold. And he thinks that Sam and Dean are doing a genre mashup thing. Which, and that there is a different day for that. So they need to.

Bitch (: 38:21

that they only do that every third month and calls him out on their fake badges and he knows very extensively what the FBI badge should look like.

Jerk (: 38:31

Yeah.

Yeah. So he's like, yeah, cheap suits, fake badges and explains how he knows their fucking badges are fake. And so there we go. Not this weekend, guys. Sorry. But if you want to join the Queen squires, she her army could always use more in the ranks. So. Dean's like, yeah, I want to see the Queen. And he's like, no, calendar's full, but she's overseeing the new squires on the pitch. So we cut to a sword battle between two nights.

And then the Queen takes off her helmet.

Bitch (: 39:09

Yeah, the winner takes off the helmet and it is very much in a shampoo commercial way and it comes out and it is Charlie her glorious red hair and it is Charlie day Charlie day. Oh my god. I just couldn't sorry I was thinking of Alicia day and Charlie Bradbury. Maybe Charlie day

Jerk (: 39:14

It is.

Jerk (: 39:21

Yeah, Charlie Day.

Jerk (: 39:27

That's funny. Combined it. That's funny. Well, I like Charlie day too. But it's not the same. Uh, so she has won against her night, whatever. And she's going to start talking about their ranks and the battle. And by the way, these two guys are missing, but while she's in the middle of that, she sees Sam and Dean there and she pauses because, oh shit, if they're there, nothing good can be coming of it. And so we cut to her tent where she is packing.

And it's like, Charlie Bradbury died a year ago. My new name's Carrie. I'm the queen. I have a life. I don't want to, I don't want to lose this life. But if you're here, that means there's a monster here. So I must be a monster magnet, right?

Bitch (: 40:10

Yes, and while she freaks out if that's a thing, one thing that you should know is that her name is Carrie Heinlein. And so according to Robbie Thompson, who wrote the last one, Charlie's aliases are always made up of a Stephen King character for her first name and the surname of a famous science fiction writer. So this one is Carrie from the movie Carrie and then Heinlein, which is Robert Heinlein, who wrote Starship Troopers.

Jerk (: 40:30

Carrie.

Jerk (: 40:36

Well, she does not want her other arm to get broken or to get killed, so she's fucking out. And she says she's dropping her sword and walking off the stage. Bitches have fun storming the castle.

Bitch (: 40:54

And Dean gets her back by just being like, so Adam Lance are not just missing, they're dead. And she's not a piece of shit. And she's like, all right, what's going on?

Jerk (: 41:00

They're dead.

Jerk (: 41:03

Yeah. So they ask her about the tattoo and she's like, yeah, it's a Celtic magic symbol of my favorite video game. And they're like, you know, finally she's like, yeah, her army's been shrinking. There's been somebody else had both their ankles broken. Three other people had hospital where the accidents and they don't have any common enemies in real life. So it has to be in the game.

Bitch (: 41:29

Yeah. And she said hospital worthy accidents at home and just kind of blows it off. And we can later bring that point up again. She's like, Oh, you know, people had some accidents, you know, but, you know, no bigs. And so, but, you know, Hey, shadow orcs are D bags. Everyone's an enemy. Dean is like really into like her risk map. That's got like, like, I guess they all represent actual types of things. And he's like, move your broadswords or whatever nerd.

Jerk (: 41:38

Thanks. Pretty bad.

Jerk (: 41:50

Battle strategy. Battle strategy.

Bitch (: 41:59

Battle stuff. Bar, stabby, stabby, whatever armies do. Boom. Yeah.

Jerk (: 42:00

Nerd battle stuff, yeah.

Jerk (: 42:04

Or college. All right. And they're like, well, maybe someone just took this too far. So maybe we need to get Charlie out of here and, you know, and take it to herself. And Sam's like, yeah, but she's the one that knows this kingdom. So we probably kind of need her.

Jerk (: 42:24

Anyways, and then his phone rings.

Bitch (: 42:24

Yeah, and Charlie kind of goes back and forth and she's like, I want to leave, but the queen has to stay and I'm tired of running because I'm boss girl.

Jerk (: 42:32

And then Sam's phone rings and it's the toxicology report on Lance because, and he said it was clean, but his body showed signs of poison by Belladonna and both Dianne and Charlie answer simultaneously.

Bitch (: 42:49

The porn star?

Jerk (: 42:51

No, not the porn star, Bella Donna the Poison. But they can't research because she can't have her laptop in her tent because of all the rules. But there's a tech tent. And so you can go there. And in this cut, when we go talk about the tech tent, you see the epic portrait of Charlie as the queen above her bed in her tent.

Bitch (: 42:54

Oh

Jerk (: 43:17

I won't, I'll be, yeah. Not of her, I won't be.

Bitch (: 43:22

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, I want what I mean, but like maybe like as like the enchantress, I would like me as an enchantress, like with like a crystal ball, maybe like some like lightning coming out my fingers. Subjugating someone. I mean, why? I'm sorry. Anyways, so Sam goes to go research and tells them to go canvassing.

Jerk (: 43:27

Oh.

Jerk (: 43:35

I'm sure your precious AI can make that for you.

Jerk (: 43:45

Yes, and Dean has to change into the appropriate attire though for this and he is not bummed.

Bitch (: 43:56

Nope. So Sam goes through the gateway into the future, and this is the only time time travel isn't stupid.

Jerk (: 43:57

Sam... The case.

He made the future in the tech tent and there's like eight terminals. All of them are full except for one. And he sits next to this really blonde, blonde chick. And basically she helps him out a little bit. Yeah. You need to create your account so you can access the player list. And this is, uh, Glandria the wicked.

Bitch (: 44:19

aka Maria.

Jerk (: 44:20

Yeah. And so in the meantime, Dean and Charlie are going to go wander around. Before that, though, Charlie calls Dean out about the text to Sam. She straight up tells him it was a dick move and Dean admits it was not his finest hour, which I think is good that he confesses that.

Bitch (: 44:27

No, before that.

Jerk (: 44:45

And she's like, Sam was happy and had chance at normalcy, but now you pulled him out of that to come back with you. And Dean's like, well, we just can't have attachments in our lives. No.

Bitch (: 44:55

No, no, no, you can't make this voice right now because Dean is being awesome. This whole thing, you can't say that. I will let you do your yuck voice right now.

Jerk (: 45:03

Not in the you can't have attachments in their life that whole thing. That's like an excuse thing. I think I don't like that.

Bitch (: 45:08

Yeah, so he won he's also like whatever he says right now is amazing because he's like putting on this armor and each time he like puts on another piece of this chainmail thing like he just gets infinitely hotter for like as he like steps further back in time like and then as he is basically saying you know like you can't afford attachments you just have to let go.

She asked if he broke up with someone and and I'm just like yes again. Dean broke up with Vinny so that's why he's hot. I am also proved.

Jerk (: 45:39

Oh yeah.

I know.

Jerk (: 45:51

But he says no. So moving on talking outside, they, she's like, look, yeah, I know I wasn't always into LARPing. I'm usually more of a tabletop type, but one of my friends got me into this and, you know, I kind of feel like a hero. So it's cool. It's good escapism. And.

Bitch (: 46:06

Yeah, she's here for the chicks and for being queen. And then Dean tells her that out there in the real world that she is a hero and it's so damn cute. My ovaries just exploded everywhere. And then I just got really confused about which of them I wanted to make out with. But it's just, you know, it's it's just like I love this relationship between the two of them.

I love seeing Dean talk to somebody at ease and just like, it's been, like, I feel like he hasn't talked to somebody like this since Joe, right? It's just like all this, there's been so much tension and just like, ugh, for the past few episodes and this banter and just like, I care about you and you're awesome. Like him lifting somebody up is just, it's nice and I've missed it.

Jerk (: 46:38

Yeah. It's very candid and honest. Yeah.

Jerk (: 46:54

It is. And then back in the tech tent, Sam is getting more help with for Maria, and she still assumes that he's part of a genre mashup. But she starts recognizing some of the players that he's talking about. This just makes no sense at all, because why is this the the players database? And it shows all of their injuries. It's real weird. I don't know what's happening here.

Bitch (: 47:15

No, no, no, they're case files. So the case files are, I'm assuming are from supposed to be the sheriff's that he has gotten into. And that's why she's saying that it's not it's genre mashup or the FBI had a case files on these things because these are their crime injuries. So yes, that's dumb, but it's also dumb because like they show Phyllis and like Maria is like, well, it looks gnarly like she was hobbled and the rest of them to like this, like.

Charlie earlier was this she was like they were hospital worthy incidents and just like that chicks feet were like bangled.

Jerk (: 47:54

And then this other guy, the other guy, someone broke into his place and beat him with his own mace.

Bitch (: 48:00

Yeah, like how, why are you, why are any of you still playing this game? Like, shouldn't, like, why are all of you not talking about this, right? Like, nobody is like, oh yeah, like so -and -so got beaten the face with a mace. Like, I feel like something that would come up in the text chain.

Jerk (: 48:19

Probably. So either way, we've to cut back and forth a little bit. We've got, you know, Charlie and Dean are asking people about the tattoo and they and the elf, the hot elf hits on hits on his on Charlie and no one's mad at that. And Sam's like, hey, Maria, thanks for all this. But by the way, it looks like someone's targeting the Queen's people. And she's like, no, four of those with the Queen, but two of those are elves and two other of them are warriors. So.

Not just not just the Queen's people. So we've got Dean and Charlene are like, all right, the last thing we got to check with are the fucking shadow orcs. So let's go see them. But to get a hold of them, let's go talk to the orc in stocks from the beginning.

Bitch (: 49:05

Yep, and Sam has figured out that it is the Tree of Pain, which doesn't exist. And if you're tied with it, you will be a victim of fairy magic. Yeah, fairy magic. Woo! Fight the fairies!

Jerk (: 49:09

from Celtic Magic website.

Jerk (: 49:18

Yeah.

Jerk (: 49:24

Oh, so yeah. So Charlie and Dean are like, all right, work. And he's like, hi, death to the queen and her man servant. And so Dean taps him with his sword and he is very upset. But like that Dean says to Charlie, he's like, no laptops, no Geneva Convention. Hmm.

Bitch (: 49:36

USURPER!

Bitch (: 49:48

There's no rules in Moon Door. Well, yeah. So.

Jerk (: 49:51

Anyways, so Dean said, asks him if he's seen this tattoo. And he's like, of course. He's like, oh, wait, never mind. But then he admits it's the Shadow King's family crest. So now as viewers, we're like, oh, fuck, it's the Shadow King. Let's go. And so there we go. And.

Bitch (: 50:10

and they're going to find him in the Black Hills, which is the forest behind the playground.

Jerk (: 50:15

Yes. And Bulltor is new, you know, kind of intercepts Charlie and Dean. And she's like, Oh, yeah, no, Dean's my handmaiden. And so let's go visit the orcs. But they both kind of want Charlie to go back to stay with Sam to be safe. And this is, I don't know.

Bitch (: 50:37

misogynistic crap. Oh, I mean, I think like Charlie, I trust her more than I truck fucking Jerry. Like if anyone like if anyone like I would send back who I feel like would get their ass kicked, it would be Jerry. Anyway, so

Jerk (: 50:47

Jerry Boulthard, yeah.

Jerk (: 50:54

But Dean decides it's a good idea to give Charlie his phone and send her back to go find Sam. And they're going to go take care of the shadow dorks, as he calls them. And yeah. So Charlie is wandering now Charlie is wandering through the woods by herself, which seems like a way less safe option than anything else they were going to do.

Bitch (: 51:04

Heheheheh

Bitch (: 51:15

Yeah, like, okay, let's instead of us walking with you. Why don't you go off by yourself through the woods? This seems fine. And while she's doing this, she sees someone's following her and there's a guy in a big club and he throws a black bean bag at her and he misses.

Jerk (: 51:21

Yeah.

Jerk (: 51:30

And she ducks and she throws her own bean bag at him and says, dark magic. And his bad teeth fall out and her bad. He has bad pink teeth, but he just tastes like runs off injured. But then she turns and there's another cloaked figure, but much larger and taller with a deer head or a stag head skull.

Bitch (: 51:34

Hehehehehe

Bitch (: 51:47

Yeah, they start calling it a stag skull, which I was calling it a deer skull, but stag skull is much more alliterative, so...

Jerk (: 51:53

Dag skull. Yeah. And so she tries to throw her bean bag at that and say dark magic, but nothing happens.

Bitch (: 52:00

Much less with much less authority. Dark magic. No.

Jerk (: 52:03

Lot less authority. Yeah. So Dean and Bultar, AKA Jerry, never find the Shadow Orcs and go back to the Queen's camp. And they're like, good old Bultar is like, why don't we just use that orc from the stocks to draw them out as bait for a prisoner exchange? And Dean's like, cool, I like this idea. Let's do it. Sam approaches them and is like, hey, guess what? I figured out the tree is.

And Dean's like, yeah, we kind of know too, but we got to figure it out. And oh, by the way, now we all just realized that Charlie is not here. Oopsies. Oopsies.

Bitch (: 52:39

Yep. And Sam has told Dean that they're using fairy magic.

Jerk (: 52:45

So they're trying to call Dean's phone to get a hold of her, but of course, not answering. She is slowly waking up in a bed in an adorable cottage or what we think is an adorable cottage. That's what it looks like.

Bitch (: 52:57

Right? Like, or whatever, just a can of the bed, there's fire, there's candles. Like I would, I would get this house in Airbnb. I feel like this is like one of those eras that you can charge $300 for an Airbnb. I'd be like, I was like, all right, I'll pay this much for a dirt makes sense.

Jerk (: 53:08

Oh, for sure. Easy.

Okay, for this one, you're in.

Bitch (: 53:17

for this year.

Jerk (: 53:19

Well, she she wakes up, the stag headed creature creature is standing over there and she like, I'm going to miss myself and I'm going to go by and she goes out the door and then it brings her back in the other door immediately. This sounds like they do this effect on shows sometimes as a magic effect. Sounds very, very frustrating and stressful.

Bitch (: 53:42

No, please, listen to me.

Jerk (: 53:43

And it does it over and over again, trying to go out the door.

Bitch (: 53:49

Yep. So she tries to bargain and the monster approaches her and as she's whimpering, the mask is removed. It was not a monster.

Jerk (: 54:01

Nope, it's a pretty girl. And they both just want their life back. I did like a line in here that said, I'm not really a queen. I'm just an IT girl standing in front of a monster asking it not to kill her.

Bitch (: 54:02

It's a pretty girl and she only wants her life back.

Bitch (: 54:08

Charlie's smitten.

Bitch (: 54:18

I could say that line one day. So Charlie is written and then we cut back to Sam and Dean and Bultar and the orc and they're all walking through the forest.

Jerk (: 54:28

In the woods. Yeah. And they're going to negotiate this prisoner exchange, but Boultaire wants to run shit. He he's already got stuff under control because first he has to make an announcement about the Peewee League soccer game in the morning and they don't want to freak out the mundane. That was cool. They use that word.

Bitch (: 54:48

You can't forget the muggles. And then Dean just sings way too far.

Jerk (: 54:53

Deedee says, fuck this shit and pulls his pistol. It's so hilarious. Shadow King's shitting himself. Funny enough, Shadow King's an attorney in real life.

Bitch (: 55:03

Yeah, yeah, his name is Max Hillby and he's not going to press charges if you let him go.

Jerk (: 55:07

Uh -huh. But he talks, tells a story about how he does have this tree on his on the chest of his uniform, but he got sick last month after the tattoo appeared on his arm. And he just decided it looked cool after the dermatologist told him it was all right.

Bitch (: 55:23

Yeah, after I found out it wasn't my lignite, I was gonna make it into my crest.

Jerk (: 55:27

Mm hmm. So Dean, Dean kind of like he runs off. The fucking shadow orcs are not the shadow king and the shadow orcs are not the bad guys and they run off.

Bitch (: 55:39

Thankfully, everyone's just gonna let this, because apparently in Moon Door we just let shit slide.

Jerk (: 55:44

Apparently so. So, and this orc that was in the stocks is very concerned about the queen really being in danger. And like, by the way, I noticed something odd by the creek. There was this weird tent that was kind of creepy and he's being helpful because he has an epic crush on the queen. And.

Bitch (: 56:03

And he's so sweet. Poor Monty. And I feel for him. This poor, poor sad orc. You sork. You see?

Jerk (: 56:09

Yeah, he doesn't he doesn't really get it snork. He doesn't really get it when Dean tells him that he's not her tie.

Bitch (: 56:16

And she's not into orcs. She's just not. She's into, but what she is into is fairies. Swoon.

Jerk (: 56:23

Yeah. So we find out that in the tent, in the cabin tent thing with Charlie is Gilda and she is telling Charlie who she is. It's a fairy and Charlie is totally into that and that she was summoned by a spell by some guy who's her master to do his bidding. And he has her hurting people. She does.

why it started small at first, but now she's killed two people. She doesn't like it. And this is this is bizarre. And you've got to destroy her master's book of magic to break the spell. So Charlie's like, I'm going to rescue you.

Bitch (: 57:08

Yeah, and she also tries to explain LARPing to Gilda and apparently LARPing isn't a concept that fairies really understand. And so Charlie Bradbury is here to rescue her. But in the forest, Sam and Dean can't shake a bulltard.

Jerk (: 57:12

Yeah.

Jerk (: 57:28

No. And he's just like, Nope, you're just a handmaiden. So what time traveler? So whatever. So they find this little canvas tent that looks real shitty and they go in and inside it is the fantastic cabin tent that that Charlie was in. And I don't check about.

Bitch (: 57:53

Charlie's just making out with Gilda.

Jerk (: 57:55

Yeah, they are.

and Gilda out's bolt heart here as her master. So, oh shit, Jerry's Jerry's is the fucking asshole apparently. So.

Bitch (: 58:02

Oh, Jerry.

Bitch (: 58:07

Not really that surprised, Jerry, you can't.

Jerk (: 58:10

So Sam and Dean are pointing guns at him, but he's like, there's no guns in Moon Door and makes Gilda poof their pistols into feathers.

Bitch (: 58:18

Yeah, you proved their pistol.

Jerk (: 58:21

poof their pistols. That's what she did.

Bitch (: 58:24

That's what she did. Yep, they did and they go under chicken feathers, but you know their chicken feathers because they block

Jerk (: 58:31

Yes, it's good. I like it. I appreciate it. And I start calling, uh, Boltar Bolty around here. So Bolty's mad. Bolty's mad. He wanted to...

Bitch (: 58:42

See, and I just call him Jerry because I feel like it's more infuriating to him because he's like, my name is Boulder the Furious. So I just want to like Jerry, Jerry.

Jerk (: 58:50

Yeah. So he has a whole plan with he wanted to get rid of the competition and to convince the Queen that he should be the king until Sam and Dean showed up. And he's mad because the reason all these other people got hurt was because they got honor guard and they got close to the Queen by paying off other players with real money, not Moon Door Curse currency, which is cheating. But somehow in his head, using magic isn't cheating because there's magic in Moon Door.

Bitch (: 59:16

Yep, that's fine. And he breaks down like all little boys eventually do.

Jerk (: 59:22

Yeah, because Charlie's like, it's only a game. He's like, no, it's not a game. It's Moon Door. That's all that matters. So there we go.

Bitch (: 59:32

Well, and he came there to be different and he still wasn't cool in Moon Door. And it's just a classic, just I...

Jerk (: 59:36

No.

Bitch (: 59:41

fucking boys. I was like kick you in the balls. So but and he wants to know would a loser track down a book of real spells and compel a fairy to do his bidding.

Jerk (: 59:51

And then asked where he got the book of spells.

Bitch (: 59:54

me, babe.

Jerk (: 59:55

So yeah, I'm a loser, yes. All right.

Bitch (: 59:58

There is nothing wrong with buying books that spell on eBay. Yes, it does not make you cool. It does not make you cool. I very much know that I am not cool buying books that spell on eBay.

Jerk (: 01:00:01

There's not, but that doesn't make you, that's not what you do to become. I'm not saying you aren't cool for it. I'm just saying that that's not how you become more powerful in moon door parents.

Bitch (: 01:00:14

I have also never tried to compel a fairy to do my bidding. Allegedly. So, so you guys are talking down.

Jerk (: 01:00:20

Why not? Allegedly. All right. So Sam's like, yeah, that's not going to work. Bolty's real unhinged. So yeah. And he's like, so I'm just going to ask Gilda to get rid of Sam and Dean and wipe Charlie's memory so I can do it all anyway. So Gilda, ferry me a sword. And so she does. I don't know. Either way, they we get a fight. Dean and.

Bitch (: 01:00:29

He just wants to be crazy.

Jerk (: 01:00:50

Jerry slash Bolty are fighting. Gilda and Charlie are chilling on the bed. Kind of. And Sam is trapped by a knight suit of armor.

But in the midst of the fight, the book of spells falls to the ground and Charlie gets to be the fucking hero and goes to grab the book and says, Hey, Jerry, I'm the one who saves damsels in distress around here and stabs the book.

Jerk (: 01:01:23

Yeah.

Bitch (: 01:01:24

Yeah, it wasn't a basilisk thing. I don't I don't know why why stab whatever Okay, so she stabs a book and that destroys his hold on gilda

Jerk (: 01:01:34

Yes. And you know, so and Dean's able to knock Jerry out. Yeah. So. Yeah. And so Gilda's like, oh, I'm so glad you saved me. I'm going to go back to my fucking forest and I'm going to take Jerry with me to face the ferry tribunal because fuck that shit. So let's make out real fast.

Bitch (: 01:01:41

because he's about to Jerry Pound.

Bitch (: 01:01:52

you

Bitch (: 01:02:02

I wanna see the fairy tree.

Jerk (: 01:02:05

I know you do.

Bitch (: 01:02:11

he gets poofed away and they're gone. And then we go back to.

Jerk (: 01:02:12

Yeah. Is there like not a missing persons case? Like, wouldn't there be like a major investigation at this point, though, when two people involved in Moon Door are now fucking dead under mysterious circumstances. You had eight mysterious injuries and now this other dude just disappeared.

Bitch (: 01:02:30

You met the sheriff.

Jerk (: 01:02:32

That's true. Nevermind. He just assumes they're all Heisballs. So good. Texts and murders. All right. Oh, I love it so much. I'm sorry. I need more of him. He's a great Helmick relief. Okay. All right. So Sam Dean and Charlie are walking and talking and she's like, you know what?

Bitch (: 01:02:36

He just said they're all high as balls. These kids and their murder. Yeah, he was great. He was great.

Bitch (: 01:02:52

And it's real weird because same with Dean who changed back into their normal clothes, but Charlie's still in her Queen fighting attire. It's just. So why did what? I don't know. It's just weird that she didn't change clothes.

Jerk (: 01:03:01

Well, she's been in that for since she got like snatched up. So.

because she decided she's not gonna leave, she's gonna fight. She's gonna stay and have her battle even if she's gonna lose because she doesn't wanna run and disappear anymore. She's gonna...

Bitch (: 01:03:16

Just saying that her clothes are dirty and she should change them. Anyway, because it seems like it's the next day. I don't know. Anyways. Okay.

Jerk (: 01:03:19

Maybe she's being maybe she's trying to be realistic. So she's mostly she's good. She's just bummed that they blocked her from hooking up with a fairy.

Bitch (: 01:03:30

Enough of banging a fairy, which just sounds better. You blocked me from banging a fairy and about to lose my crown in battle thanks to my army being decimated.

Jerk (: 01:03:33

No. And. Smell you later, bitches. But Dean and Sam are going to discuss what's next. And they're like, well, no fun.

Bitch (: 01:03:49

And Dana's just being really sweet to him. And it's really nice. And then Sam's really nice to have. And I just hug him like, I like it when you're not fighting and you're not being stupid. It's just all here together. And you've got Charlie.

Jerk (: 01:03:52

Yeah. They're very nice.

Jerk (: 01:04:02

They're gonna be together and they're gonna have fun together. They are suiting up to fight in Charlie's army in Moon Door.

Bitch (: 01:04:06

They are and how are they gonna?

Bitch (: 01:04:11

And Sam's hair has finally reached the pinnacle of stupid and made its way into a ponytail. This was a thing that was commented on all the boards. This was the culmination of all things that we, they knew it was coming and we knew it was coming and is here. It's in a ponytail. He does. He was the Braveheart seed.

Jerk (: 01:04:19

Uhhhh

Jerk (: 01:04:27

That's hilarious. Well, Dean gets to give a brave heart speech. These brave heart speech, I should say. And the ending of this episode is dedicated to the fallen soldiers who helped the Queen win the battle.

Bitch (: 01:04:44

To the men, women, elves, demigods, magi, druids, and chamber pot servants who gave their lives fighting and winning for the Queen of Moons in the Battle of the Kingdoms.

Jerk (: 01:04:52

Hmm.

Bitch (: 01:05:00

So we have some people in the room.

Jerk (: 01:05:01

Alright.

Jerk (: 01:05:06

We do have some casting to do. So first, Jerry, aka, Bultar the Furious was played by Hank Harris. He was Isaac in the movie Mercury Rising. He's been in single episodes of shows like Seventh Heaven, X -Files, Star Trek, Enterprise, Nip Tuck, CSI New York, Ghost Whisperer, Castle, Grim, and Rosolian Isles. And then he was a recurring character.

pisodes of CSI, Melrose plays: 90210

Bitch (: 01:05:57

you

Jerk (: 01:06:03

who did have a name, Jake Miller, was played by Don Thompson. He has a pretty long career. He goes back to 21 Jump Street, MacGyver, X -Files, Smallville and Stargate. He was on all of those multiple times. He was Wally in the movie Slither. He was a reoccurring character in Battlestar Galactica, Detective Gallagher in The Watchmen and Al O 'Hara in the movie Horns. Lance was played by Hague Souther -

Bitch (: 01:06:09

you

Bitch (: 01:06:15

you

Bitch (: 01:06:22

you

Jerk (: 01:06:34

He was Father Poe in The Magicians and he was single episode of Lucifer. He was also in the movie Slither as well and was in Halloween Resurrection and Finny is his character name in the newer TV show called Lucky Hank. Ed was played by Shaughnessy Redden who's been in episodes of Smallville, Fringe, Arrow and Creepshow, the new series.

Maria, aka Glandria, was played by Andrea Brooks. She was a waitress in Percy Jackson, the Olympians. She's been in episodes of Hellcats, I Zombie, Once Upon a Time. A lot of Hallmark, but she also plays Eve slash Hope in Supergirl, which is a like 46 characters, like a regular or 46 episodes, excuse me, a regular character. And good old Max Hilby, our shadow king.

Bitch (: 01:07:10

you

Jerk (: 01:07:30

played by Michael Teigen. He was also our suicidal teddy bear in a previous episode of Supernatural and has been in episodes of Smallville, Fringe, Once Upon a Time. He was in Tron Legacy and weirdly a lot of like sequel dog movies. So if it's like a TV movie or a movie about with like following pets, but like the second one, he's in a lot of them.

Bitch (: 01:07:43

you

Bitch (: 01:07:56

Thanks.

Jerk (: 01:07:58

Yeah, pretty big. A lot of cast in this one. So a lot of a lot of cast that we saw and interacted with. So there we go. Characters.

Bitch (: 01:08:00

Yeah, yeah Well, it was a good it was there was a good Supporting group of people here and so obviously well I mean we got Charlie back so but I prepped you for none of this beyond Like I just said that you've there's some epic stuff coming. So what'd you think?

Jerk (: 01:08:20

Yes, that's true. It was super fun. Super fun. We all like Charlie and adds a really good twist. She her character just adds a really good twist and spirit to the show. Makes it very irreverent. And we've been so fucking serious for so many episodes lately. I think we needed that. So I think it was a nice palette cleanser, if you will. I do as much as I like Sam and Dean being nice to each other. It feels very abrupt.

So I feel like if we're gonna have this much of a change in attitude, we need a little bit of transition or pointing to it.

Bitch (: 01:08:54

They shared Sam brought Dean snacks. Everything is fun.

Jerk (: 01:09:07

Anyways.

Bitch (: 01:09:07

snacks fix everything. I'm sorry, if you bring me a snack, we're pretty much all good. You'd have to do some pretty fucked up shit for a snack not to care you fix it. You know, they just have to go for like the bigger snacks. It's like some gold belly times, you know. Okay, yeah, so there's that abruptness, but also just like I'm, I don't like confluence and I'm tired of the funny.

Jerk (: 01:09:34

They're being shitty to each other about it. That's the bigger problem for me. It wasn't that they were fighting, is that they were being like shitty, like the dick move, like even Dina Mitzvah, it a dick move doing the text. And then Sam going hardcore on Benny.

Bitch (: 01:09:35

Yeah.

Bitch (: 01:09:41

It was very passive aggressive. I feel like they're all things that I learned in like my therapy about like defense mechanisms. I feel like they each had like their defense mechanisms that were coming out like you know displacement you know. They were being children.

Jerk (: 01:09:58

know is that they were being total dicks to each other about these things. Yeah, like, well, Sam was going hard after Benny because he was jealous and then Dean's going like hard about like being shitty like manipulating Sam about the Amelia stuff. It's just fucking shitty. Just shitty. And so there. Yes. Yeah.

Bitch (: 01:10:06

Yeah. And a real weird way to be like after you lost your brother for a year. But, you know, this is, you know, probably because you can't process it. I don't know. Your emotional intelligence needs some work. I don't know. But I'm just glad I got to.

We got to have some warping. I love it when we get to go to it was a good. I feel like it was. They didn't I feel like it wasn't shitting on laughing, you know, like you could have you could have easily taken this away to just be like mocking that world completely right. And I feel like it was done with love, you know, like.

Jerk (: 01:10:35

Yeah, it was funny. Good comments.

Jerk (: 01:10:54

Yeah, I mean, I poked fun, but it didn't mock. But if you have, if you can't...

Bitch (: 01:10:57

Like it feels like you poked fun in a way in a person who understood why, right?

Jerk (: 01:11:02

Yeah, because if you take yourself too seriously doing that shit, then you turn into Jerry.

Jerk (: 01:11:09

Don't be a Jerry.

Bitch (: 01:11:10

Don't be a Jerry.

Jerk (: 01:11:14

That's all I got.

Bitch (: 01:11:15

Yeah, be a fairy. Don't be a Jerry. Bang a fairy. Don't be a Jerry. That can go so many ways. All right. On that we are. Yay. We liked an episode. No, we didn't let you there. It was not days since Bummer episode since Bummer's bill. Our count for the first time in a while is back to zero.

Jerk (: 01:11:18

Don't be a fairy, don't be a jerry. There we go.

Jerk (: 01:11:23

They can go a lot of different ways. Alright!

Jerk (: 01:11:33

It wasn't, not Bumbersville, yay.

Bitch (: 01:11:46

Will that continue with next week? Stay tuned and find out.

Jerk (: 01:11:52

Ah.

Bitch (: 01:11:54

kids I don't know in this t -shirt

Jerk (: 01:11:56

Cheers, bitch.