6:18 Frontierland
Yippee ki-yay-mother fluffers! It's Supernatural Season 6, Episode 18 Frontierland. Is lore going to be about the Phoenix? NO because Liz says they are boring. Instead we get Diana vs AI - Human Combustion Edition!
Transcript
Jerk:
Welcome to this week's episode of Devil's Trap podcast. I'm Diana.
Bitch:
And I'm Liz, who is totally prepared for this, as is Diana.
Jerk:
Holy.
Bitch:
And totally. And we're very sorry. We're very sorry. There is a week off. We meant to mention it in our last episode, but we forgot. So there is a week off. Surprise. We're back.
Jerk:
But we're back. It's okay. We're back. It was a nice break. Hopefully you got caught up on all of our YouTube and past episodes
Bitch:
Right. Did
Jerk:
and
Bitch:
you
Jerk:
all
Bitch:
go
Jerk:
that.
Bitch:
watch our YouTube's? I've been looking at our YouTube counts. You did not. Um, I even, I released a new thing this week, like just because I have to move. So I am catching up on a bunch of shit. Expect a ton of YouTube videos to come
Jerk:
for who?
Bitch:
out over the next month as Liz does not want to pack. So, uh, so if you go last week and go find there's a new Laura edition on, um, Oh God, what was her name? It was Carol Compton, the superstitious witch. I
Jerk:
Oh yeah.
Bitch:
used over a hundred gifts in that video. So it was a
Jerk:
a lot of gifts. A lot of
Bitch:
lot
Jerk:
gifts.
Bitch:
of gifts. So go catch up on our YouTube. So, um, we took that week off because I, uh, it was Memorial Day weekend and I went to go to punk rock bowling,
Jerk:
Woohoo!
Bitch:
which I think for, like at this point, um, okay. Punk rock festivals tend to be targeting an audience, which is my age and older. I'm fine with this because I am of that audience. That, however, means a lot of the bands that are playing have some older gentlemen. I saw so many grandpas grab their dicks on stage this weekend. Like it was a little disconcerting. Like, OK, so we've I think we've discussed like how leaving we're concerned for you. But I saw him. So him grab his dick. I saw Mike from Suicidal Tendencies grab his dick.
Jerk:
Well, he's kinda does that, isn't he? His shtick kinda.
Bitch:
That's kind of his thing. It was also was worse like on my flight the back my flight back to Austin. I am in this row with a couple that could look like a normal mom and dad couple and they're they look at me and like, Okay, guys, it's pretty obvious I went to punk rock bowling that we can't like, if you're on the plane from Vegas and you look to me you would go she went to punk rock bowling.
Jerk:
Right.
Bitch:
So they turned to me and they go did you go to punk rock bowling and I said yes I did. And they're like, Well, you're probably the only last person that appreciate this. And they take out a picture of Mike from Sewell, Tennessee, uh, with, uh, her husband or the man, you know, I was playing with. And I was like, that is awesome. But in the background of my mind, I'm like, yes, I'm grabbing a stick. Yeah.
Jerk:
A lot of dick
Bitch:
I,
Jerk:
grabbing.
Bitch:
this is like so many old men on stage. Just so much, so much stick grabbing. So punk rock. Yeah. Although like, uh, L seven played, like they did not see them grab their pussies, but, um, I was kind of thinking it was like there was so punk rock bowling. If you don't know, and don't flood this with your kids next year, uh, it's like, at least as of now it's free for kids under eight. Right? So if you're a parent and you have a kid, and this is the experience you want to take them to some really hot weekend in Las Vegas,
Jerk:
Uh,
Bitch:
you
Jerk:
gross.
Bitch:
can, and it's
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
free. But I can just imagine like these children like watching this and just being like, it's just a bunch of grandpas riding their dicks in this one old lady band.
Jerk:
Oh
Bitch:
L7, you're not old lady man. Although like, I saw like a bunch of like, like kinetic tape on like people like with people's arms that were playing and like, oh, we're all old and we need like help as we placed. They are. Let's
Jerk:
but they means they're taking care of themselves. Great,
Bitch:
say
Jerk:
good
Bitch:
are
Jerk:
for them.
Bitch:
so what have you been up to?
Jerk:
I went and saw an amazing local artist while you were at punk rock, bowling local to Texas, Dallas, Fort Worth area named Angel Light. And he put on a phenomenal show. And the same night, my little brother came to visit and as a surprise,
Bitch:
Surprise!
Jerk:
which was super cool because he lives on the
Bitch:
whoosh
Jerk:
East Coast and he's in the military. So, yeah, I got to see the ship come in not long ago. I think I talked about that. Let's see. Um. But yeah, so I got a surprise from surprise visit, which is always exciting to have, you know, an out of town family member surprise you and hang out. And then I had to go on a trip to see some family for a memorial for a family member. So that's where our travel overlapped and we were unable to have a show for you last week. But there you go, we're back.
Bitch:
Yeah, one of them was sort of fun and one of them was punk rock bowling. All right. So. All
Jerk:
There you go.
Bitch:
right, so one thing just kind of show note wise, I guess supernatural, worldwide before we get into this. So
Jerk:
Mmm,
Bitch:
it
Jerk:
I know
Bitch:
is
Jerk:
what you're
Bitch:
official,
Jerk:
gonna say.
Bitch:
I know, the Winchester's Archipelago. Jensen Ackles has put forth, I would say a formal statement, but he put it forth between, so I guess this is as formal
Jerk:
That's a statement.
Bitch:
as you need to get. And he's basically said to all of you who watched, followed and supported the story. Thank you. And to all of those who brought this show to life. I couldn't be more proud of what we did together. But as they say, timing is everything with a massive network shift coupled with an industry strike. Welp, that's some unfortunate timing. Sleep well, dear at Winchester's on CDCW until we meet again somewhere down the road. So I basically that's it. SPN is over, but it's not over here. As I tweeted, we have as I slot like, I love you. You know, everyone was meeting me like snorting up my snot right now, but we are only on season six, episode 18.
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
So we have seven more seasons ago
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
and a season of the Winchesters and maybe by then we'll have new content. We don't know.
Jerk:
Who knows?
Bitch:
Who knows? So this is Frontierland. Yeehaw.
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
And part of the reason is Diana and I could have shoved this episode in, but it would have been a lot of stress on our point. And I just said that I wanted this to have like the gravitas, the notice, like the time that it deserved, because
Jerk:
That's
Bitch:
this
Jerk:
a great
Bitch:
episode
Jerk:
episode.
Bitch:
is fucking amazing.
Jerk:
Yeah, I agree.
Bitch:
It really is.
Jerk:
Now I know why you wanted to make sure we didn't just rush it and force it. Mm-mm.
Bitch:
,:Jerk:
Yay.
Bitch:
so that is all back in. So you don't have to worry about that anymore.
Jerk:
Woohoo.
Bitch:
Phew, it was
Jerk:
So
Bitch:
underneath
Jerk:
relieved.
Bitch:
a pile of clothes in my bedroom, as it should have been. So did you
Jerk:
Oh,
Bitch:
watch the recap on this one?
Jerk:
yeah, it was on. So I saw I watched that.
Bitch:
You're
Jerk:
I
Bitch:
like,
Jerk:
usually
Bitch:
I have
Jerk:
do.
Bitch:
no notes on it. Yeah. So some things that are in like the recap, I think that like kind of lead us into is that we have like, there is a hundred square miles of Devil's Trap, which then,
Jerk:
Oh yeah.
Bitch:
of course, I noticed that because that was, you know, Devil's Trap. So we are in total our pockets.
Jerk:
Yeah. Mm hmm. No, yeah, I noticed that.
Bitch:
They were
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
totally shouting out to the show. That is exactly
Jerk:
Of course.
Bitch:
what that recap was about.
Jerk:
Absolutely.
Bitch:
That was in the future. But we're going
Jerk:
Oh,
Bitch:
to go in the past, though. We're going
Jerk:
we
Bitch:
in the
Jerk:
do.
Bitch:
past, the future to the past.
Jerk:
Yeah, our episode, the episode actually starts in sunrise Wyoming. We got like the super old west town and it's like all sepia looking. And there's two cowboys.
Bitch:
th,:Jerk:
Yeah,
Bitch:
we are far back. So it would
Jerk:
for
Bitch:
actually
Jerk:
sure.
Bitch:
tell
Jerk:
We're in
Bitch:
us.
Jerk:
the we're back in the old days. Or something. And there's two cowboys about to duel.
Bitch:
What was that?
Jerk:
And
Bitch:
Ooh,
Jerk:
then we realized,
Bitch:
ooh, ooh.
Jerk:
yeah, there you go. And then you realize one of them is Dean.
Bitch:
Ah!
Jerk:
What? And he's got a sheriff badge on.
Bitch:
GASP
Jerk:
And then we've got the clock striking and we've
Bitch:
Ah!
Jerk:
got gunshots. And then we get a really cool intro of it's supernatural. And it's a it's a map burning
Bitch:
Yeah,
Jerk:
as a
Bitch:
after
Jerk:
Western.
Bitch:
there's
Jerk:
Yeah,
Bitch:
a whip
Jerk:
that's
Bitch:
sound too. And I
Jerk:
all
Bitch:
am
Jerk:
correct.
Bitch:
just, as I,
Jerk:
Are
Bitch:
I just
Jerk:
gasping,
Bitch:
say went to
Jerk:
are you
Bitch:
Vegas,
Jerk:
going to be OK?
Bitch:
so like, I'm gonna like keep gasping for air because
Jerk:
I was
Bitch:
I
Jerk:
going
Bitch:
came
Jerk:
to
Bitch:
back
Jerk:
say.
Bitch:
from Vegas sick. So.
Jerk:
Don't keep breathing, keep breathing. It's important.
Bitch:
It's okay, it's
Jerk:
Um,
Bitch:
fine.
Jerk:
yeah. So super cool intro. And then we got to, um, Sam, Bobby and Dean 48 hours earlier and 150 years later. Super
Bitch:
Time
Jerk:
clever.
Bitch:
travel is stupid.
Jerk:
And they are searching an old house where Sam finds the trap door to the Campbell Family Library.
Bitch:
And that's where you see Liz Disgustious, a little pig. She's just like,
Jerk:
She's like,
Bitch:
oh,
Jerk:
ah.
Bitch:
my God, there's a bunker underground and it's filled with books. Oh, shit. Do we find things that I really like? Yeah, we did. We did.
Jerk:
Yes. Yeah. Bunker's full of books. Ways to Liz's heart. So they're looking around and we got a bunch of like old.
Bitch:
Do you want to bunker and book?
Jerk:
Yeah, fuck Netflix and chill. You want bunker and book. Oh, so looking around at photos, there's like photos, Bobby's telling them they need to be looking for anything that will put a run in the Octomoms stockings.
Bitch:
Which could date this, right? Do you remember the Octomon?
Jerk:
I do.
Bitch:
Do you want to explain to our audience, maybe a millennial who does not, what
Jerk:
Yeah,
Bitch:
the Octomon
Jerk:
I mean,
Bitch:
was?
Jerk:
like, I mean, basically, it was a woman who did a I mean, if I recall correctly, she had artificial insemination.
Bitch:
Yeah, she took a bunch of fertility pills and she popped out a bunch of kids.
Jerk:
Well, she had she had eight she had octuplets,
Bitch:
Yeah, she had a lot of time for it, so it was the
Jerk:
which
Bitch:
best.
Jerk:
is very exceptionally uncommon to happen naturally for a human.
Bitch:
What? We don't normally pop out eight
Jerk:
No,
Bitch:
children?
Jerk:
no, it's usually like one, two tops, maybe three if it's getting real crazy. So it's pretty. So I mean, not that people don't have more sometimes,
Bitch:
Yeah.
Jerk:
but eights a lot. And
Bitch:
I
Jerk:
then
Bitch:
wonder
Jerk:
she
Bitch:
like.
Jerk:
like kind of made a social media thing and then it was kind of real weird. And then she kind of disappeared.
Bitch:
This is also the time I think where TLC was just farting, just
Jerk:
This is for
Bitch:
starting to like take off.
Jerk:
all these shows.
Bitch:
And maybe TLC maybe in my mind, you just watch like the new documentary and the Duggars. But I
Jerk:
I
Bitch:
feel
Jerk:
haven't watched
Bitch:
like this
Jerk:
it.
Bitch:
was like the kind of that same time, that era of just like, oh, we're just going to put horrible human tragic stories on television for
Jerk:
They
Bitch:
own
Jerk:
still
Bitch:
amusement.
Jerk:
do that. They still do that. Yeah.
Bitch:
Hey, well, it's just sexier now. Like, you know, nobody got a rose and you just got eight kids.
Jerk:
I don't know. Either way. So that's Octomob. I thought it was a pretty funny reference. So it's like, oh, funny. Like, it was just an interesting reference. I was like,
Bitch:
It
Jerk:
oh,
Bitch:
was
Jerk:
shit.
Bitch:
a good reference. You can say funny, it's fine.
Jerk:
It was. The line is funny. That's for sure. So anyway, so they're searching through books and researching and Bobby asks what Dean knows about Phoenix. And he replies another, it's probably also dating a little bit. He's like River walking or a giant flaming bird.
Bitch:
See, and if you also want to watch some great other trash TV, go watch the shit about the Viper Room and what happened to River Phoenix. Like, that's also really great. So I love this reference. But
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
he didn't he could have brought in Fox, right? So we didn't get a Hogwarts reference. That could have been a thing, but that
Jerk:
Yeah,
Bitch:
didn't happen.
Jerk:
t a Phoenix in Wyoming in the:Bitch:
It is. It is.
Jerk:
And
Bitch:
And they
Jerk:
Sam
Bitch:
fanboy.
Jerk:
is
Bitch:
Yeah.
Jerk:
so jealous.
Bitch:
And you know, he is because I also like I feel Sam shoots. I'm like, what the fuck? So and also Samuel Cole's journal just has like I'm very excited right now. Like he just has like this fucking leg. It's got a pangram in the front of it. It's just like,
Jerk:
The
Bitch:
there's like
Jerk:
embossed
Bitch:
there's a goat
Jerk:
leather
Bitch:
on it.
Jerk:
embossed
Bitch:
Like maybe
Jerk:
leather
Bitch:
a boffa
Jerk:
journal.
Bitch:
mat, maybe on it. Like it's just like, oh, this is my journal. I'm like, what? And he was and Sam's like, how do you find this in here? But also like. Sam should have not like did old Sam like know this was here and like was too cool
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
for this. But yeah.
Jerk:
th of:Bitch:
Save the whales!
Jerk:
And that's Captain Kirk and the crew went back in
Bitch:
Wait,
Jerk:
time,
Bitch:
what year?
Jerk:
1986, that's when it came
Bitch:
86.
Jerk:
out.
Bitch:
OK, yeah, because I saw I did see the I saw this in the theater.
Jerk:
ack in time to San Francisco,:Bitch:
Nudah!
Jerk:
that could communicate with the aliens that wanted to
Bitch:
This is my
Jerk:
that
Bitch:
humpback
Jerk:
were probing
Bitch:
nail well
Jerk:
Earth.
Bitch:
sound, by
Jerk:
That's
Bitch:
the way.
Jerk:
not is that's your humpback whale sound. Well,
Bitch:
OOF
Jerk:
we should not be doing whale noises. Just file that away. Well, listen to Diana's whale songs. This is an album that should never be made.
Bitch:
Hey, man, I've got some furniture to pay for so yeah.
Jerk:
Oh my god. All right, so there's your there's your tricky, tricky notes for the day. Deep Space Nine wasn't bad either. It was pretty good. But I was more of a next generation. If we're candid here.
Bitch:
Yeah, she's not really a Star Trek person. Like I went like I saw Star Trek movies with my mom because I've always like pretty much went to my mom wants to do anything. I'll just go do it right. And she
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
only Star Trek. And I remember liking the Save the Whales movie. It was pleasant to like, yeah, I mean, save the whales. You're not going to be mad at that.
Jerk:
So.
Bitch:
There's no fucking worm on this one. Like nothing's crawling in your ear. Much more a fan.
Jerk:
Well, Bobby's shocked and pretty surprised that time travel is the reasonable suggestion that Dean's got to collect these ashes. So Dean's like, well, yeah, we'll just call Castiel. But instead of Castiel showing up when he calls to him, Rachel arrives, a different
Bitch:
Rachel.
Jerk:
angel.
Bitch:
Rachel!
Jerk:
And
Bitch:
Rachel's
Jerk:
she is...
Bitch:
kind of a bitch.
Jerk:
she's kind of a bitch. She's like, um, sorry, Castiel's busy commanding an army. You need to learn your fucking place. Yeah, if you're really his friend, maybe instead of just calling when you need something, you could like check on him sometimes.
Bitch:
I also get Rachel. I have been Rachel. Like, you know, like,
Jerk:
I
Bitch:
where
Jerk:
know
Bitch:
your friend, like.
Jerk:
she's a bitch, but I'm also like she's fucking right
Bitch:
And she's protecting her friend. Like, you know, like when you have like that one friend, when they have their other friends that aren't your friends, you're like, I see what you're doing. You're fucking with her. I don't like
Jerk:
Yeah,
Bitch:
it.
Jerk:
be
Bitch:
Stop
Jerk:
nice.
Bitch:
it.
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
So like, she's just like on Cass's side and she's like, he's commanding an army. And then he just, he ruins it because he flaps in.
Jerk:
Yeah, Cass shows up, dismisses her and then is like, yeah, I know she's my friend and she's one of my lieutenants, but she's just like super committed to the cause. So sorry. And obviously, we cut to Bobby and Sam prepping weapons and things while they're asking where Dean is. So I guess she all agreed. So he's like, yes, it's like, yeah, you got 24 hours to make your plan happen. That's all there is to it and Sam's like that seems really fucking short. I don't know seems pretty reasonable to me I was like 24 hours. Okay. I mean like you are sending them back 150 years in time. I feel
Bitch:
Yeah.
Jerk:
like that's pretty reasonable
Bitch:
But I mean,
Jerk:
but
Bitch:
also like that is, you know, that's, I don't know. How much time do you need in the old west? I don't know.
Jerk:
Right. It seems really sketch
Bitch:
I have a
Jerk:
and
Bitch:
plan.
Jerk:
we get some of that. So but because I was like, yeah, the further back I send you, the harder it is to retrieve you the longer you're there. Basically. And so but who walks in Dean and Dean went fucking shopping at
Bitch:
He did.
Jerk:
the Western stores and I'm a little jealous, but I'm going to come in there like some Western vibe and goth cowgirl vibes.
Bitch:
Yep.
Jerk:
But anyways.
Bitch:
But Sam like righteously points out that I can wear what I'm wearing. And he honestly could cause he's just in a Pearl snap with jeans and boots. And probably like I've hung out with Cowboys. I have a lot of photographs of my family being Cowboys for many,
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
many years. That would be fine.
Jerk:
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of modern elements to it, but it would probably be fine. But he is. Dean is just fucking stoked. And so while Bobby continues packing guns and now piles of gold, Sam walks in, he's got a very, very crisp white Western shirt with a lot of embroidery and a giant shiny belt buckle. He's convinced
Bitch:
Yep, like
Jerk:
he looks
Bitch:
he
Jerk:
stupid.
Bitch:
won something they didn't. We also learned during this that Dean can recite all of Clint Eastwood's movies, including the ones with the monkey.
Jerk:
applied, right?
Bitch:
Especially the ones with the monkey, his name is Clyde.
Jerk:
Yeah. So Dean walks in and he is just super proud of himself. And he's got on a like a poncho. He just calls it a serapé, which that's the type of fabric, but it's a poncho. Right. I was like,
Bitch:
It's
Jerk:
that's
Bitch:
a poncho,
Jerk:
yeah.
Bitch:
but it's he calls it a sir. I don't know. Whatever.
Jerk:
It's weird, but and he's got, you know, a hat and he's got this black shirt and a bolo. It's just a lot. Definitely looks like he's just for a movie role.
Bitch:
Yeah, and we're definitely getting a lot of back to the future three,
Jerk:
Ciao.
Bitch:
three vibes throughout this. Like there's a lot of references to it. So there's kind of riding on that, on that train too.
Jerk:
Not mad at it.
Bitch:
No.
Jerk:
And so cast time bumps, time boops them.
Bitch:
and then boop to Wyoming.
Jerk:
Yep. And he's like, you know, tells Bobby, yeah, just pray for me in 24 hours and I'll return and get the broom back.
Bitch:
It sounds easy, sounds
Jerk:
Simple,
Bitch:
easy. So yeah,
Jerk:
super
Bitch:
we're
Jerk:
easy.
Bitch:
in the Old West. Whoa!
Jerk:
th,:Bitch:
Well, for Sam steps and horse shit because
Jerk:
Well,
Bitch:
that's
Jerk:
that too.
Bitch:
authenticity, which is true.
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
And so the guy being hung, there is a judge reading his decedents
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
and he's very ominously saying, you're going to burn for this, every one of you, the guy being hung, not the judge, but I'd also would like you're going to burn for this, every one of you to be on my tombstone.
Jerk:
That's really...
Bitch:
Would that be great though? Like every time like somebody walks up and is like you're gonna burn for what?
Jerk:
That's awful.
Bitch:
I love it.
Jerk:
I don't like
Bitch:
I love
Jerk:
it.
Bitch:
it. Yep.
Jerk:
No. So, yeah, he's so he's mouthing off and then they hang him. And yeah, it's sad. But he's wearing like weird like leather gloves, too. I don't know. They go see the sheriff because they're going to do like their normal routine, like, well, when we go to work a case, we like go like talk to the police and blah, blah. That's what we do. And this sheriff is not impressed with them, even though. Go ahead.
Bitch:
to say before we get to their names, like I just like God, it would just be so easy to impersonate like so you seriously could just like get this badge printed up and I can just walk into a town and be like, I'm a marshal because
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
I'm a woman so I couldn't but like, so like, I'm a marshal and I'm looking for John Stoat like whatever his name is and they will just like give me him.
Jerk:
Yeah. Apparently so. Well, of course, Dean introduces himself as Marshall Eastwood and introduces Sam as Walker, Texas Ranger. That is amazing.
Bitch:
the universe explodes! Bye!
Jerk:
So good, so good. Amazing. Very happy about this.
Bitch:
And then we all just have this wormhole where Jerry Padalecki is, Walker Texas Ranger, becomes Sam, Supernatural is Walker Texas Ranger, and he just like goes, and this is where the universe went off balance. Now we've been sitting here to fix it.
Jerk:
Whoa.
Bitch:
e fix this, we can go back to:Jerk:
Oh
Bitch:
Wouldn't that be nice? This is where everything went wrong.
Jerk:
Hmm.
Bitch:
Ahhhh!
Jerk:
Oh man. So they're asking, they start asking about, they're asking around about Samuel Colt. That's their plan. And the judge makes fun of both of them for being too clean. And then they direct them. They're like, now we don't know, but
Bitch:
No, no,
Jerk:
What happened was...
Bitch:
no
Jerk:
Well, so they get sent to go meet with Elkins at the saloon because Elkins knows everybody.
Bitch:
Yes, and also think back to Daniel Elkins.
Jerk:
Ooh, so Dean is stoked to go to the saloon. And as soon as they walk in, he's very disappointed because basically there's like one dirty passed out dude on a table. And then there's the bartender.
Bitch:
It's pretty much like where you want to go find a good bar. Like you're like, I'm in a terrible town. I want to go find a good dive bar. I mean, you walk in, you see the dive bar and you're like, oh yeah, it's a dive bar.
Jerk:
But he's but he gets the bar and he's excited now again and he gets motivated and he wants to order a top shelf whiskey, which he's promptly told they only have one shelf. But so he gets a whiskey for himself and a sarsaparilla for Sam.
Bitch:
Yeah, and I'm on same with this one.
Jerk:
Yeah, that's not bad. But anyways, so the Elkins, their barkeep tells them that Colt has been working on this train station thing for like 20 miles out of town for like. And he doesn't understand why, because there's nothing out there. It's a middle of nowhere. But we know that this is all part of the devil's game that he's been working.
Bitch:
He's making devil straps! Devil straps!
Jerk:
Mm hmm. Then we get a saloon girl, Darla. So Darla comes down the stairs and comes over to greet them. And Dean was probably has probably romanticized the his vision.
Bitch:
What? Yeah, what whores in the Old West look like?
Jerk:
correct. And it was not what he found in Darla, who was probably a lovely woman, but was in an era where dental hygiene and other types of hygiene were not of priority.
Bitch:
The girl had herpes. She either had herpes
Jerk:
But a
Bitch:
in
Jerk:
massive
Bitch:
the mouth or
Jerk:
breakout.
Bitch:
she had syphilis. And they're all
Jerk:
Massive
Bitch:
around
Jerk:
breakout.
Bitch:
her mouth and she really wants to give him a kiss. And I also think like, hey, come on, like even back like at that point, like I've read newspapers, like you don't want to like make out with a herpes girl, like they'll still be like, she's she would be in the back.
Jerk:
Yeah, not being one of the best girls.
Bitch:
She's not, Darla is not your best girl.
Jerk:
No,
Bitch:
You're the
Jerk:
but
Bitch:
second hand.
Jerk:
the judge doesn't care. He is ready. He's got his date with Darla's. He arrives just then. And so him and Darla leave. And then Dean decides to take a sip of that whiskey that he hasn't touched yet. It's bits it everywhere. It's like, like gasoline, which I'm sure it fucking was.
Bitch:
It probably was. I mean, it's just something that's made out of somebody's soul, but it's harsh. But it's so bad.
Jerk:
Not bad. I think I've ordered that. I think they have it at some of the places in the stockyards.
Bitch:
Yeah, they do. I actually know they do. But also if you go into old timey like ghost towns, I will take
Jerk:
Yeah,
Bitch:
Diana
Jerk:
that was
Bitch:
too
Jerk:
good.
Bitch:
one day. We'll go spend the night there. And yeah, so the Guinness House of World Records is not that bad, but all of a sudden they hear Darla scream.
Jerk:
Mm-hmm. Yeah, so we see a...Darlas looking past her, the judge, and we see a man of some kind and he puts a hand on the judge's shoulder and the judge burns to ash.
Bitch:
We can say it's Elias. We can say he was the guy that was before. Like, I
Jerk:
Right.
Bitch:
guess I've seen
Jerk:
Well,
Bitch:
it
Jerk:
I
Bitch:
enough
Jerk:
saw
Bitch:
that
Jerk:
him,
Bitch:
I...
Jerk:
but it wasn't. It was like,
Bitch:
Yeah,
Jerk:
you know,
Bitch:
I've seen enough
Jerk:
he looks a
Bitch:
that
Jerk:
little
Bitch:
I would
Jerk:
different
Bitch:
recognize
Jerk:
with
Bitch:
him.
Jerk:
a noose
Bitch:
Whatever.
Jerk:
around his neck.
Bitch:
Except
Jerk:
His hands behind
Bitch:
he
Jerk:
his
Bitch:
burns
Jerk:
back.
Bitch:
up the judge with his hand. Ah! Burn!
Jerk:
He burns and as you would expect, Darla's pretty freaked the fuck out. Reasonable response. And Sam and Dean rush in and then the sheriff joins them. And Darla's like, look, it was a ghost.
Bitch:
And they're just like all they have are ashes, right? The judge
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
is just in fucking ashes.
Jerk:
Just ashes and some bones. And the sheriff's like, ghost, don't need footprints. And there's boot prints in the room.
Bitch:
How do you know, Sheriff? That's what I wanna know. How do you know they don't leave footprints?
Jerk:
I wonder. No. So Darla insists that it was Elias Finch. So that's the guy that was hung, like we said. So and Sheriff's like, oh, well, this is just a, you know, it's just a botched hanging then it happens, which it did happen occasionally. It's just real dark.
Bitch:
It's dark. Yep.
Jerk:
And then he's
Bitch:
I see
Jerk:
like,
Bitch:
it happen
Jerk:
all right.
Bitch:
all the time. I just hang him and they ain't dead and we just bury them Anyways,
Jerk:
Yeah,
Bitch:
this
Jerk:
so,
Bitch:
happens like every Tuesday
Jerk:
right? So he's gonna form a posse in the morning to
Bitch:
Hahaha!
Jerk:
find Finch and hang him or hang him again and shoot him.
Bitch:
Everybody loves a posse.
Jerk:
But then he also tells Samadine that they can join up with Posse, but they have to get some real gear, aka by new clothes. So, Sam and Dean know better though, and they're like, we should probably go check out this grave and see what's like going on here because it's something.
Bitch:
And Dean Grace is what we do.
Jerk:
Yeah, that's our jam. So they go and there's the grave has obviously been dug up and there's some like carbon-y
Bitch:
I'm dug up, it's been escaped from.
Jerk:
escape it from it. Well, the grave is not sealed.
Bitch:
Who's that sealed?
Jerk:
It
Bitch:
There's
Jerk:
is
Bitch:
no
Jerk:
a
Bitch:
longer
Jerk:
hole.
Bitch:
there.
Jerk:
There. And so now we have the new theory that maybe the Phoenix isn't a bird at all.
Bitch:
Ah!
Jerk:
Oh, so Dean's like, all right, Sam, you go get the cult from Samuel Cole. I will stay back with the posse.
Bitch:
Why?
Jerk:
Because now we get a series of posse jokes from Dean.
Bitch:
So why does Dean want to stay with the posse?
Jerk:
Because he's a posse magnet.
Bitch:
And why else?
Jerk:
I'll let you take that one.
Bitch:
Because he loves posse. I love
Jerk:
Ah.
Bitch:
posse. All right, so Sam is gonna get on a horse, right cowboy? And apparently in this land, Sam Winchester has never had horse riding lessons.
Jerk:
Yeah. Yeah, but he's got to be back. He's got to ride this horse really fast, find cold, get the cult or, or the person and or the gun and then be back by 11 a.m.
Bitch:
Sure, seems easy.
Jerk:
Sure. So yeah, we see Elias is now stalking our sheriff, though, at night. And the sheriff's going to try to shoot Elias repeatedly. but it doesn't do anything because Elias is impervious to his bullets. And then, uh, Elias tells him to tell the judge how he touches him and he burns up.
Bitch:
Yeah, so the sheriff apologizes like, oh, please don't hurt me in a way. This is like, tell it to the judge and we get another. Ooh, burn. But speaking
Jerk:
It's funny
Bitch:
of,
Jerk:
that burn is the thing.
Bitch:
I know burn is a thing, but speaking of burns. There's some burns. Lord.
Jerk:
Yay!
Bitch:
And we're going to talk about some people who are burned alive. And that's mainly because I was like, oh, I can talk about the Phoenix on this. But you know what? Phoenixes are fucking boring. Pretty much is like I'm a bird. I've got like some red feathers and they're purple sometimes. And then like I live for 500 years and then I die. And then I like we know a story like the only like interesting thing within like more like I really found about Phoenix's is like sometimes they're a fucking worm. like sometimes people like they get upset like so basically like when they die like they come back as like a worm and that worm turns into a bird like that's the most
Jerk:
Hmm.
Bitch:
interesting thing I found well also like phoenixes are everywhere that is kind of cool like no matter what culture you're in like age like western eastern like african whatever there's always some version of a bird that like catches fire and like regenerates itself
Jerk:
That's
Bitch:
So
Jerk:
cool.
Bitch:
always having this idea of like, well, it gets pulled into like Christianity, other things too, just like the idea of like the death rebirth cycle. It's a
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
thing. Yeah, but that's not what's interesting was interesting are people who spontaneously combust,
Jerk:
Yes!
Bitch:
or at least like people who like you were found find piles of ashes, right? So this may have happened to one of the two people about to tell you about for what is real. On the other I made up Along with my good friend ChatGBT. All hail our new AI overlords. So it's once again time for Diana versus AI. You shall win. I'm Miss Diana. I'm going to tell you two tales.
Jerk:
Okay.
Bitch:
he facts? Your first tale. In:Jerk:
Hmm.
Bitch:
by the fiery evaporations which exhale from the settleings of wine, Brandy's. and other hot lickers or fat membranes.
Jerk:
Wow.
Bitch:
That was our first story, all right?
Jerk:
Okay.
Bitch:
There's only two, there's only two, okay? That one, this one.
Jerk:
All right.
Bitch:
th,:Jerk:
I think the first one is the real one.
Bitch:
You know me too well. It is the first one is a real one. That one actually happened. So technically, Saint the second one, Saint Catherine of Siena, she is, as I always do, she is an actual real saint. She was a mystic. You can go find her ship, but her she did not burn alive. She's just a saint. And but I will say for the first story, this is something that so the story comes out. That was I pulled that from a thing of mental floss, but is from this other book. that I meant to have in my show notes here. And you can find them. You can find the actual author of the person who wrote that, but I don't remember. But something that was said in the article. So the old lady, so this, the story came from a person who said it that was then translated by Italian poet. And so most of the stuff in there was already like, kind of shitty. And then it was like made like, it was Italian poet of that time, like made it even worse. But something that was said in that of the story of this woman who spontaneously is combusted, the old lady was used when she felt herself and disposed to bathe all her night with camphor rated spirit of wine. And she did it perhaps that very night. So camphor in spirits is camphor in alcohol. And that was
Jerk:
Hmm.
Bitch:
used to treat skin complaints like a tonic lotion, but is camphor in alcohol.
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
So all right. So depending on where you put that on, she lights it like she really, they found this woman like and like her legs were like left on burns. So it's like you find these pile of ashes and just like the late the legs of this lady, but she have covered herself in alcohol,
Jerk:
of the liquid.
Bitch:
but didn't rub it on her legs. That's why they didn't burn the rest of it. Anyways, so farmer. I'm sorry. That's just far more interesting than a bird. ..or.
Jerk:
Was it fire chicken? That was it. There
Bitch:
Fire chicken.
Jerk:
we go.
Bitch:
Yeah, I really, for the most part, it's just like, Bert catches on fire. It lives, like, did it live 500 years? I don't know,
Jerk:
But we
Bitch:
did it
Jerk:
like
Bitch:
live 1,000
Jerk:
fox.
Bitch:
years?
Jerk:
I like
Bitch:
Is
Jerk:
fox.
Bitch:
it from Egypt? Is it from Greece? Like, oh, Bert, fire. Meh.
Jerk:
I like Fox.
Bitch:
They're pretty. I love a Phoenix like so. Like I think it was before my best friend is a tattoo artist. And so he is kind of known for doing cover up work. So when I was telling you about this, like I was looking at the Phoenix stuff, he's like, I have to do three Phoenixes this week because that's like a very popular like cover up tattoo. And like, which is also why this point is just like, I'm going to Phoenix. I'm rising from the ashes. Like as much as we all think, like if you look at my hair. Hi, I Phoenix hair. very
Jerk:
You do
Bitch:
much
Jerk:
have Phoenix
Bitch:
rising
Jerk:
hair.
Bitch:
from the ashes here. But if someone's like, oh, you're like a phoenix, you're rising from the ashes of your life and your tragedy, I will punch you in the twig.
Jerk:
reasonable. I support that.
Bitch:
So we will go back from that terrible burning people
Jerk:
Yeah,
Bitch:
to
Jerk:
thanks. Uplifting.
Bitch:
cast in a warehouse.
Jerk:
Yeah, because Rachel has summoned Casiel to an industrial site to have a conversation. And she's asking if it's true, his dirty little secret. And so as a viewer, I am suspecting that she is asking if the accusation by fate in the last episode about the souls is which this what Rachel's asking about. But they never say for sure. And he's like, no, I just have to beat Rafael. And she's like, well, you're, you know, I don't like what you're turning into. And then she attacks him. Say the fight. No. So Rachel and Cassiel are fighting and she's trying to stab him and he's forced to kill her.
Bitch:
I'm making a good wing spread and I'm just telling you, hey guys, like if you have problems with your friends, you don't have to stab them with an angel blade. You can just kind of talk about your feelings.
Jerk:
Yeah, so he's crying, Xena Cass is crying and wounded.
Bitch:
Yeah, cause you killed your friend, you went too far Cass.
Jerk:
Yeah, and we've got Bobby's researching and so Casio has nowhere else to go to recover. So he shows up at Bobby's and uses his own blood to draw a sigil on the kitchen wall.
Bitch:
And then
Jerk:
But I
Bitch:
Bobby,
Jerk:
like Bobby's comment
Bitch:
yeah,
Jerk:
right
Bitch:
go
Jerk:
away.
Bitch:
ahead.
Jerk:
Is that is that where you're going for Bobby's
Bitch:
Yeah.
Jerk:
first? He goes, are we running or fighting?
Bitch:
And that's a true friend. Like that, you know, I honestly expect if I drop into Niana's house like one day, that's exactly the thing that comes
Jerk:
Are we running
Bitch:
out of her
Jerk:
or
Bitch:
mouth.
Jerk:
are we fighting? Yeah.
Bitch:
And that's just what we do. Like, okay, whatever. Like I'm
Jerk:
What's
Bitch:
on
Jerk:
next?
Bitch:
board with you. Yep.
Jerk:
So yeah, Castiel's kind of collapsed. So let me do get a balls from Bobby. So Dean's back at the saloon and he's got his new outfit with a new duster on. And he asks Elkins where the posse is because nobody fucking showed up for the fucking posse.
Bitch:
Nobody likes good posse anymore. You say you do, but you don't. And also, like, we've got this wonderful, like, just like surging among like a bunch of like whatever the old West person is. As I'm burping up on my wine, the old West inspired music that's playing right now
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
is very spaghetti Western, like as he's going through, and it's so good.
Jerk:
It is. And they're talking like Elkins, like no one wants to hunt a ghost. And they're like, well, he's like, well, where the fuck's the sheriff? And you hear someone outside yell, well, sheriff's dad.
Bitch:
Hahaha!
Jerk:
So they go outside and what do we have but a pile of ash with some bones mixed in? Well,
Bitch:
It's
Jerk:
shit.
Bitch:
ashes.
Jerk:
And a little sheriff badge right on top.
Bitch:
And Dean's like, who's the sheriff now? And Elkins picks him to the ash. He just picks up the star and he pins it on him. But I'm like, what about your Marshall badge? Like, is it just on top of the Marshall badge? Like, can
Jerk:
Yeah,
Bitch:
you
Jerk:
I
Bitch:
just
Jerk:
guess.
Bitch:
collect all the badges? Is it like Fiesta medals?
Jerk:
Maybe. Why not? So we cut to a cabin in the woods, kind of. And it is an older man at a desk writing. And we know that this is Samuel Colt because two guys show up looking for him and they're fucking demons. And he tells them they come to confront the wrong drunk. He hung it up already. He's too tired and old. And they're like, no, you need to open devil's gate. And he's like, no, you need to leave. And they don't. So he shoots them.
Bitch:
And the IM2O over this shit quickly turns into also ruining his whiskey. You shouldn't shoot them through your whiskey. You save that shit.
Jerk:
So we find Dean has now gone to seek out one of the deputies that was involved in the hanging of Elias Finch. And he tries to do a howdy pilgrim. And it does not.
Bitch:
No, there is a knock on the door and like on the outside of it, you hear somebody going to grandma mongo like and which is a blazing saddles reference
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
and is one of my favorite blazes and I'm like, yeah, because
Jerk:
Thanks
Bitch:
I
Jerk:
again.
Bitch:
also I love mongo. So and that's when they greet him and that's like, we can't we can't discount that.
Jerk:
Sorry for skipping a wonderful Blazing Siles reference. So anyways, the deputy's freaking the fuck out, right? He's like packing frantically like, oh yeah, I'm totally gonna go visit my sister or some shit. No, I definitely didn't mean to miss the posse meetup. Ha ha ha. And Dean's like, nah, I know that Finch was going after the judge, sheriff, and you, you're gonna be fucking baked. But he says gank and the guy does not know what gank means. And that was pretty funny.
Bitch:
No, and I appreciate that because it's a terrible word, but he does understand what bait means.
Jerk:
He does know that. Sam has managed to find Colt's cabin, and as soon as he walks in, he gets holy water thrown at him, which is just funny. It's always funny.
Bitch:
It is always funny.
Jerk:
be honest. I'm a hunter from:Bitch:
Yeah, I like I really love Samuel Colts. Like
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
he's giving me kind of this very nice silver Fox vibes and just in general, just like I can handle my shit and like nothing is good. I appreciate people who are good in crisis.
Jerk:
Yeah, he's very cool. Very cool. And Sam's like, hey, I need you to help me kill a phoenix in like three hours. And I know you do it because I've got this journal right here. And Colt's like, I'm either too drunk or not drunk enough, which is a reasonable response to something like this.
Bitch:
Yeah, also, fuck you time travel. Because how can you have the journal and then have the journal? Eh.
Jerk:
Why are there two journals now? It's very confusing. But Colt's like, yeah, sorry, no, I'm retired. You don't believe everything that you read. Sorry, brah. But Sam's like, no, you're a hero. You can't retire. You have
Bitch:
Yo,
Jerk:
to
Bitch:
hero!
Jerk:
kill the phoenix. We need the ashes. It's the only way to kill the monster.
Bitch:
And then we have a very wonderful, like rep, you know, dialogue back and forth. And it was just like, it was like, fine. I was like, look, either I'm going or I need the gut. And then Colt is like, what gut? And Sam's like, the
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
gut. And the Sam's Colt's like, Oh, that good.
Jerk:
And it's good. Oh, that gun. So, yeah. Um, back up Bobby's Castiel has
Bitch:
Oh,
Jerk:
woken up.
Bitch:
okay.
Jerk:
Oh, sorry.
Bitch:
So, so we weren't done with that yet. I thought you had like, you more of those like, you know, I will go on this. All right. And so
Jerk:
Go
Bitch:
he's
Jerk:
for
Bitch:
like, with
Jerk:
it.
Bitch:
that gun. And then he's like, Samuel Coles, like, no, I lost in the game of stud. And then Sam, like, also, like, I almost thought about we almost had a Sam Samuel because like there was so many Samuel Coles and Sammy and like, the last Samuel like there was too much. But Anyway, so Samuel Cole tells him that he lost it in a game of stud and Sam's like, you're lying. And Samuel Cole's like, am I? That doesn't sound like me. And then Detective Sam's just like, oh no, you killed a couple of demons with it less than an hour ago. I know because like there were sets of brood sprints and this place reeks of sulfur. So he's like pulled out like a Sam like detective badge. He's like, I know, I know what you did other Sam. You all.
Jerk:
Correct. Yeah. And I will say, Colt tells Sam that the gun is a curse. I'm doing you a favor.
Bitch:
It is. It's kind of like it's very interesting, right?
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
Like this whole like this dialogue between them, because like Cole, it's just like, you know, you're basically like, you don't have to like your greenhorn. You don't have nothing. And Sam's just like, fuck you, motherfucker. Like, I think I know what I'm talking about. And I get this
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
like. being somebody who looks a lot younger than I, that I, like, I'm a middle-aged woman and I still sometimes look way younger than I do.
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
And he was just like, Oh no, like, you don't know what you're doing. And Sam's just like, Oh no, I went to hell motherfucker.
Jerk:
Right. Yeah. So we cut to Bobby's where Castiel has waken is waking up and they've got one hour left. Cass is like, oh, yeah, sorry, Bobby, I got betrayed. Rafael totally corrupted Rachel.
Bitch:
Oops. So Cass is lying to Bobby.
Jerk:
Oh,
Bitch:
That's not
Jerk:
lies,
Bitch:
good.
Jerk:
lies. And that she's dead. And I just really needed some safety to recover. But I'm not better yet. that sigil on the wall is just to war against other angels coming. And he's like, Bobby's like, you got less than an hour to pick up the kids from frontier land. So he's like, I can't fight during me too much. So Bobby's like, well, what the fuck do we do? How do we do? We need another halo. What do we do? And Cass is like, well, I need to touch it.
Bitch:
He does. He doesn't touch it.
Jerk:
to touch
Bitch:
He does.
Jerk:
it.
Bitch:
Let me touch it. Touch it.
Jerk:
Bobby's soul.
Bitch:
Oh, it's all fine.
Jerk:
Yeah, sorry.
Bitch:
I would have like just been Bobby's dick that we've been so much better. Can you imagine? Just like, nah, it's just a penis. It's just like, no, I thought you wanted my soul. No,
Jerk:
It's
Bitch:
it's penis. It's
Jerk:
like,
Bitch:
penis.
Jerk:
nah, no, I don't need that. Like he's like, I have to do it gingerly or he'll explode.
Bitch:
Yeah, that sounds like butt stuff to me. All right. And so Bobby's like, fine, just put it all in. And then we cut to the jail.
Jerk:
Yeah, and we've got Dean's got our deputy locked in a cell by himself and it's like watching the clock super close. Sam is fucking late and Dean is pissed. So he tries to start in the meantime, asking this deputy why is Finch after them? And he won't tell. So whatever. Finch shows up and guess who's ready to talk.
Bitch:
Do do do.
Jerk:
Well, first, Dean does test him with, you know, a nail and it burns him. So now he's like, oh, yeah, it's a common monster problem. Iron.
Bitch:
They
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
can't get it up for iron.
Jerk:
So Finch knows that Dean's a hunter. And then he tells the story of why he's after the judge,
Bitch:
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Jerk:
the sheriff and the deputy. And it is all.
Bitch:
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Jerk:
is ugly story.
Bitch:
It is pretty much whatever story in the old west is where you think like, there's this like, oh, this tragedy thing. And then you find out what really happened. And. This Elias Finch and his wife are living outside of town and they went into town to get some supplies. He went away. Jeopardy pinned his wife in the alley. Elias came up and basically Jeopardy shot both of them, died in his arms and they blamed the murder on him.
Jerk:
The only person that witnessed it was the deputy, but the sheriff and the judge just believed him.
Bitch:
Nope, nope, nope. I'm not gonna
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
say anything. Alright, moving on. Alright, so, um... What's next? What's next?
Jerk:
So
Bitch:
Get me out of the Thor's
Jerk:
Dean's
Bitch:
Herald!
Jerk:
asking the deputy, he's like, is this true? He's like, Dean's like, yeah, I could care. Dean tells Finch that he could care less about the deputy. That guy's a dick and a coward. Thank you, Dean.
Bitch:
He is his.
Jerk:
But I also know what Finch is, so I've got to kill you. So sorry. But Finch is like, nah, we're going to we're going to go for it. And he shoots the deputy because he's like, OK, well, I don't have to burn him. I'm still going to kill him. But she does.
Bitch:
I didn't have to shoot the sheriff. I'm gonna shoot the deputy because you left the deputy's gun hanging on his holster.
Jerk:
Yes he did, which is not wise.
Bitch:
Oops.
Jerk:
So Dean has to dive out a window.
Bitch:
He does. And then we have this fun shoot out between them.
Jerk:
Mm hmm. And who arrives? But Sam with the cult.
Bitch:
Yay!
Jerk:
Yay. He's there. But back at Bobby's timer's ticking down. And Bobby is sitting with Castiel asking if he's sure. And Bobby's like, I can't leave the idgits abandoned in Deadwood.
Bitch:
Which is more funny if you actually know that Jim Beaver was in Deadwood. So.
Jerk:
That is funny. So he feels like rolling his sleeve up. It's very weird.
Bitch:
It is very weird. He's like, he's like rolling up his sleeves. He's like, nah, we're just going to get to it. We're just going to, I'm going to touch you where you pee. Like that's why I feel this is going.
Jerk:
Yeah, so back in Sunrise, Dean calls out to Finch and Sam's
Bitch:
Oh, also
Jerk:
like
Bitch:
like, yeah, okay, wait, hold on. So I know where we're at, like, okay. Okay, yeah, all right, go.
Jerk:
Sam's like, what the fuck are you doing? Because Dean wants to go meet him out in the middle of the road. He wants to do his live, his old West dreams. If he's going to go out, he's going to go out super old West style, apparently. Yeah, so as we're cut, we just really started doing our cut back and forth. And Bobby's got a leather belt in his mouth. This is a very weird scene, right?
Bitch:
Yeah, that's what I was trying to figure out where you work is this was like, uh, so Dean calls Elias out and they square off in town while Bobby bites on a belt and cast fist him as the clock counts down. That's what my notes say.
Jerk:
Mm.
Bitch:
So, and then the shootout begins.
Jerk:
Yeah, they're facing off and then yeah, they shoot. And Finch is shocked when he gets shot because he thinks he can't be killed. But we see the crazy electrical thingy effect and then he burns up.
Bitch:
How does fuck? Literally.
Jerk:
But what does Dean get to do? Blow on the end of that revolver and say, Yippee-ki-yay, mother. And then we cut.
Bitch:
Yeah, we didn't get the fucker out of it. And but they also what's really sad though is like he's running towards the ashes because there is like,
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
oh shit, the Phoenix, the Phoenix is burning and we have to go. They start
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
running
Jerk:
So
Bitch:
towards
Jerk:
Sam and Dina
Bitch:
it.
Jerk:
run and the clock tower is striking. Bobby's
Bitch:
Literally
Jerk:
got
Bitch:
calling it the clock tower because the Bad to the Future reference is so hardcore that Diana is calling it the clock tower
Jerk:
Yeah, yeah. So we got Cas has his hand in Bobby's chest. The timer's counting down. The clock tower is striking. Sam and Dean are sliding in to get the ashes and with some big glass bottle. But right when they're approaching the ashes, they end up back in Bobby's house.
Bitch:
No.
Jerk:
No. And they are bummed. Dean's begging to go back. Sam's like, he's like, no, you can tell Cas heels, there's no way he's Friday, he can't do this.
Bitch:
Well,
Jerk:
And.
Bitch:
and Cas is like, no, he's just like, I never want to do that again. Like he is traumatized by what he's done.
Jerk:
Well, he's traumatized by reaching his hand into Bobby's chest.
Bitch:
Yeah, he was like, you're fisting your friends. Sometimes tastes more out of you than you think. Like you think it's going to be fine. But then once you fist your friends, you just can't go back.
Jerk:
Can we call it like a soul fist or something, just to be clear? Or is that worse? I don't know. Never mind. OK. So there's, yeah, Dean apologizes to them about it. But then there's a knock at the door. Huh. So Sam goes to answer the door. And it's a courier looking for Sam Winchester. And Sam's like, who's? Who's asking? And this courier is like, oh, yeah, we made a bet. This package has been laying around like since forever. Is this to deliver today from Samuel Colt?
Bitch:
All about the future.
Jerk:
Ha ha ha. So
Bitch:
Also time travel stupid.
Jerk:
Sam
Bitch:
But
Jerk:
is freaked
Bitch:
so in this
Jerk:
out.
Bitch:
world we take it whatever Sam opens the box.
Jerk:
Yeah, and it's a wooden box and they open that and inside is a very beat up Blackberry, a note that says that they got the address and date off of the thingamajig and a bottle full of the Phoenix Ashes.
Bitch:
And then we get to end with some very great world wordplay because Bobby says that he did not get a solenooscopy for nothing.
Jerk:
Mm-hmm.
Bitch:
He
Jerk:
Dean's
Bitch:
didn't even
Jerk:
ready
Bitch:
get
Jerk:
to
Bitch:
his twilight
Jerk:
take the fight
Bitch:
nap
Jerk:
to
Bitch:
with, yeah,
Jerk:
mother.
Bitch:
he didn't get his twilight nap with that solenooscopy. But yes, and then we also get Dean, no, take the fire.
Jerk:
Yeah, there we go.
Bitch:
Whew! Alright.
Jerk:
It was a fun one. Yeah, so I do have some casting notes for us today.
Bitch:
Hoo-hoo!
Jerk:
Yeah, so we'll start off with Samuel Colt. Samuel Colt was played by Sam Hennings. His career goes back obviously to like the 80s. He's been in tons of single episodes of shows including legacy and shows or singular, just a couple episodes of certain shows like Moonlighting, Walker, Texas Ranger, funny enough. Star Trek, funny enough.
Bitch:
No, wait,
Jerk:
ER.
Bitch:
okay, this will we say Walker Texas Ranger she means the Chuck Norris not the
Jerk:
Chuck Norris, correct. Yes. Star Trek, ER, Dollhouse, and CSI. He was also a regular character named Charlie Whitehead White on TV show Memphis Beat. Jason Leigh, I really liked him. Anyways. Elias Finch, AKA our Phoenix, was played by Matthew John Armstrong. Kind of like a little throwback thing, not 90s, not older, super old. But remember Celebrity Death Match?
Bitch:
Love so again,
Jerk:
on
Bitch:
of course
Jerk:
Matthew John Armstrong was Bill Maher on Celebrity Death Match. Funny enough.
Bitch:
Nice.
Jerk:
It was just a good. So a lot of like single or just a couple episodes of shows including House CSI Bones. He was Pete Pryor in American Dreams. Ted Sprague in here are in heroes, which regular role. And he was in a few episodes of American Horror Story as Detective Byers. Our judge Mortimer was played by Scott Highlands. His career goes back to the late 60s. So he's been in a lot of things over the years, tons of appearances in television, a lot of just singular or a few handful of episodes, but you've got everything from Wonder Woman, The Waltons, I think at least two iterations of Kung Fu, but not the most recent, X-Files, Once
Bitch:
which
Jerk:
Upon
Bitch:
also
Jerk:
a Time.
Bitch:
sadly is permanently canceled. Sad.
Jerk:
Gordon modern space opera in:Bitch:
Ha!
Jerk:
April Telek played this role. You'd see a few episodes here and there of the new Adams family, Outer Limits, the Crow television series, Aliens in America, a newer sitcom. She was Mrs. Wilson in Freeway 2, Confessions of a Trick Baby. Freeway is such an epic movie. But anyways,
Bitch:
That
Jerk:
I've
Bitch:
name! Oh
Jerk:
only
Bitch:
my
Jerk:
seen
Bitch:
god,
Jerk:
parts
Bitch:
Confessions
Jerk:
of I've only seen
Bitch:
of a Trick,
Jerk:
parts of.
Bitch:
baby!
Jerk:
There
Bitch:
Oh my god!
Jerk:
you go. Yeah. She was Nell, which is a regular character in Hell on Wheels. And then she was Goddess C in a movie called Earth Liquors. And she's done her handful of holiday Hallmark movies too. Elkins, our barkeep was played by Frank C. Turner. And he
Bitch:
Frank Turner!
Jerk:
had, I know, I know. He actually, he has a pretty epic career,
Bitch:
Okay,
Jerk:
honestly,
Bitch:
so we're
Jerk:
a
Bitch:
tagging
Jerk:
lot of
Bitch:
this
Jerk:
movies.
Bitch:
episode with Frank Turner and so we'll
Jerk:
All
Bitch:
see if you like, yeah.
Jerk:
right. He was Dr. Shepherd in The Fly 2. He was the
Bitch:
Me.
Jerk:
sad sack Santa in the Disney movie, The Christmas Star. He was at, you would have seen him in episodes of 21 Jump Street, MacGyver, X-Files. He also was Al Marsh in IT, like the old IT, not the new IT, like the mini-series IT. So he was a role in that. He was the van driver in Ernest Rides Again. Whenever I can make an Ernest reference, I will. He was in Look Who's Talking Now. He also had small roles. in what appears to be almost every Air Bud movie.
Bitch:
Nice.
Jerk:
ll role as the impound man in:Bitch:
with teeth.
Jerk:
There you go. So yeah, there we go. That's our
Bitch:
Very
Jerk:
casting
Bitch:
cool.
Jerk:
cast this week. I told you it was a lot this
Bitch:
Yeah,
Jerk:
week,
Bitch:
you
Jerk:
but
Bitch:
know.
Jerk:
yeah. So interesting
Bitch:
Well,
Jerk:
cast
Bitch:
there is.
Jerk:
for sure.
Bitch:
Yeah. Well, there is and there was a lot of interesting, like kind of
Jerk:
Character
Bitch:
role
Jerk:
acting.
Bitch:
to have. And yeah. Yeah.
Jerk:
Well, yeah, character acting for sure.
Bitch:
So I like I said, we took the week off in between because I wanted to get this episode, like the time that deserves. So, Diana, were you so what were your feelings when you watched it?
Jerk:
It was super fun. I will confess. So first of all, as much as we both, I don't hate time travel as much as you do, but it does annoy me, right?
Bitch:
Right.
Jerk:
Not because I don't enjoy, I've read my historical fiction that has some time travel and sometimes it's adorable and great and that's fine. But sometimes it's just annoying because it's too complicated and it makes my-
Bitch:
It's so complicated or as a trope or it's, you know, like it's
Jerk:
Yeah,
Bitch:
not worth it.
Jerk:
but they had too much fun with this, you could tell, which was awesome. And because they're having fun with it, we have fun with it. Right. And I think that's important. It's a pretty like not that these like super heavy, but like this is kind of serious, like people die a lot on the show and like they're fighting
Bitch:
Well,
Jerk:
real
Bitch:
we're
Jerk:
bad
Bitch:
also,
Jerk:
shit.
Bitch:
we're at the end, like this is episode 18 of
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
the season. So we're getting towards the end of shit, right?
Jerk:
So we have to have something like lighthearted a little bit. And I love their weaving in of pop culture. It makes me very happy. And the references, I will say I was about to get like I was going to like throw my notebook and like walk away and not do any other notes if that they didn't get the ashes. I was so mad. I was like, there's no fucking way. There's no fucking way. And but I kind of like, but you kind of I was like, I wonder if he shipped them. Like, you think about that because that. because all these other references have built up, you're like, are they gonna do that too? So I was very pleased with that.
Bitch:
Yeah, the fact that we went with the back to the future vibe of it, like there was clearly like everything from the poncho to just like, it got kind of beaten to the dirt, but in a good way. I liked
Jerk:
It was
Bitch:
it.
Jerk:
fun, I didn't bother me at all.
Bitch:
And also I think like we, as an audience, just enjoy watching Dean filled with joy. Right? Like
Jerk:
Well,
Bitch:
he
Jerk:
and then
Bitch:
is.
Jerk:
you get a sense of familiarity when there's elements that you recognize. It's like, oh, that's so cool. You know?
Bitch:
Well,
Jerk:
But
Bitch:
it's
Jerk:
yes.
Bitch:
also for me, like, I just want Dean to be happy. And this was like, oh, we get a chance for him. And then also, like, enjoy watching Dean's happiness be stripped away. Like when he was just like,
Jerk:
That's really dark.
Bitch:
oh, these are things that I really love. And he was like, oh, no, these are terrible things.
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
The saloon girl prostitute, oddly enough, is not
Jerk:
Not what he expected.
Bitch:
a sexy thing.
Jerk:
Things were a lot germier and smellier than he anticipated. I... yeah.
Bitch:
Yeah. You know, as somebody who like lives in Texas and has experienced old Texas West, it smells and that's like, and we have modern plumbing.
Jerk:
Yeah.
Bitch:
On that note of it smells, is there anything else you'd like to add?
Jerk:
No,
Bitch:
I think
Jerk:
that's
Bitch:
it
Jerk:
all
Bitch:
smells
Jerk:
I got.
Bitch:
is how we end this. Cheers,
Jerk:
I agree.
Bitch:
jerk.
Jerk:
Cheers, bitch.
