7:09 How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters

Jerk:

Welcome to this week's episode of Devil's Trap podcast. I'm Diana.

Bitch:

was.

Jerk:

And this week we're going to talk season seven episode. Yeah. Episode nine. How I don't

Bitch:

Yes, that's right.

Jerk:

know.

Bitch:

You got it.

Jerk:

Yeah. My

Bitch:

You

Jerk:

notes

Bitch:

got

Jerk:

are wrong.

Bitch:

it.

Jerk:

It said season seven. I said it backwards in my in my notes. So how to win friends and influence monsters.

Bitch:

Yeah, I do that a lot. Like just flip numbers, like there's a lot of folder mistakes and like I try and keep like our videos and shit like organized on my, on my extra external hard drives.

Jerk:

Woohoo.

Bitch:

But you know, like, so they like, I try and mimic what we have on our other because we have multiple platforms because I'm like, Bobby Paranoid Bastard and like, there are things that are like backed up. Like, I don't know what archive like is the world will be doomed and demonstrate podcasts, African sauce, but there are like 17

Jerk:

Alright.

Bitch:

million different copies of that of us published in the world.

Jerk:

Our legacy will live on.

Bitch:

So maybe that is the only thing that the aliens find and all of culture and humanity is defined by the show. Oh, and it can be like Bill and Ted's where we get, you know, they worship us in the future.

Jerk:

Yes, yes.

Bitch:

Nice, yeah, that'd be cool.

Jerk:

Yeah, what are you been up to?

Bitch:

Well, I just did what apparently is a lot of people's dreams. And I went to the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, Colorado, last weekend. And

Jerk:

Mm-hmm.

Bitch:

it was baller. It really was. And it's just nature's a showy, showy bitch. So driving out there was fun-ish. I'm very glad, like I've been in that area before and I was a passenger and it was snowing and I did

Jerk:

Hmm,

Bitch:

not appreciate it.

Jerk:

right

Bitch:

This time though, it was for the most part, fairly decent weather. The drive back was a little like a little rainy, but like I'm very glad that I was not doing that drive in. in snow or in rain, because it's just like switchbacks, is that the word? I don't

Jerk:

Oh yeah, fuck that.

Bitch:

know. It's just like, and it's like really cool and pretty. I mean, just like it's gorgeous because you're just driving through like a mountain is what it is. And so, and it's full of wildlife and like just pretty babbling rivers. So it's just like a really nice drive, but you also have to be like in it. So

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

in a way it's kind of nice, right? It's like you're like... was like listening to like podcasts and stuff and going through that. So I went and stayed up at the Stanley Hotel in Essence Park, which is the inspiration for The Shining. And they're very, very proud of that. There, you know, but like the tour groups, oh my God, I texted you like the tour groups, they're so big. And it's, it's just weird because I'm like, where are you people coming from? I mean, Estes Park is not that big of like, it's a small mountain town. But I guess

Jerk:

Right.

Bitch:

there was also like there was the Scottish festival was going on in towns. I guess people just do it like you go to the Rocky Mountains, then you go you go to the Shining Hotel, right? So

Jerk:

Right.

Bitch:

it's the campus is huge. Like there's multiple buildings like I stayed in a whole separate place.

Jerk:

Shalom.

Bitch:

That had, you know, a base was like a four story brand new building, but

Jerk:

Right.

Bitch:

because it is brand new. It also had the pool. It had the jacuzzi and air conditioning because the Stanley hotel is original and does not have air conditioning, which is

Jerk:

interesting.

Bitch:

fine, but also like not great. Right. If you're a sweaty, humid person like me. So it went up there. So Frank Turner playing this really, really awesome venue. It's really looks like what is like, it was just like a cat texting dynamic. You shouldn't operate the, like, it looks like one of. venues that Diana operates. Just

Jerk:

historic

Bitch:

that kind

Jerk:

cool

Bitch:

of...

Jerk:

vibe.

Bitch:

yeah, so the downstairs was just open floor, but you could tell it was dance floor, ballroom material, kind of, you know? And really high ceilings that all had these weird octopus glass sculptures on them that were like

Jerk:

Oh

Bitch:

LED

Jerk:

yeah,

Bitch:

lights.

Jerk:

it looked like it looked like Chihuly stuff kind of.

Bitch:

Like a saloon?

Jerk:

Chihuly, the glass artist.

Bitch:

Oh, okay. Yeah, that, I don't know what that is. I'm like, wait, what is that? Cause I was just like, it looked like a Thule.

Jerk:

That too, I mean kind of.

Bitch:

But it

Jerk:

So

Bitch:

did

Jerk:

yeah.

Bitch:

because they look like octopus arms. They look like, I think there was LED lights in there, but

Jerk:

Who?

Bitch:

they weren't turned on so I couldn't tell, right? And

Jerk:

Okay.

Bitch:

the backdrop, oh my God, it had this teal velvet curtain and I could not because it was night. I couldn't get the color captured in my camera. Like

Jerk:

Mmm,

Bitch:

I couldn't

Jerk:

yeah.

Bitch:

get like the hue to like, like it was very obnoxious because like, I guess your our phones just filter so much shit. Like

Jerk:

Mm-hmm.

Bitch:

I was just like, I couldn't get like anything down to get a true color of the teal, but it was like, like my sofa, but just like super saturated. It was

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

fucking fabulous. And I just wanted to like, hey,

Jerk:

Like

Bitch:

wanted

Jerk:

peacock.

Bitch:

it all over my house. Yes, it was a peacock blue. It was just, and the upstairs, Do you have what do any of does the heights have two floors? Yeah, so the upstairs was like it was a small, basically like two rows of seats.

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

And you have budges all the way in the back of

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

the building.

Jerk:

Looking

Bitch:

So there

Jerk:

straight

Bitch:

wasn't

Jerk:

on.

Bitch:

one on this side. Yeah, so the side like basically kept the architecture of it. So you had

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

like the windows and stuff. And also like you fucking pussies who are at the show, like so at the show and the opening band, God bless you, man. Like you were for someone, you're not for me. I don't care about the flowers. I mean, I love flowers, but like,

Jerk:

But.

Bitch:

I ain't singing about the dandelions, like not in that way. So God bless you, man. So I'm like watching him and I was like, I need to get out of here. And

Jerk:

Thanks

Bitch:

like,

Jerk:

for

Bitch:

so

Jerk:

watching!

Bitch:

there is a door to, cause this is an old, like it's a beautiful old building, almost looks very Southern. And there's a door to the veranda, which is outside patio. And like, nobody was out there. I was like, why is nobody on this thing?

Jerk:

Weird.

Bitch:

So like, I think everyone was afraid to go out there. Like they thought like it was off limits or something. And I was like, fuck you, I'm going outside. And so I was like, went outside with my, at that point I was drinking a course banquet. And this is very important, people know what I was drinking beer-wise. And so I was drinking Coors Banquet and that was very expensive and very tiny for a very expensive little beer. And then finally I was like, girl, you're supposed to go outside. And so then like the whole back, then it got swamped. And I was like, I was out here by myself and it was very nice.

Jerk:

If people had just known they could have rotated out of their in a very like smaller groups, but instead they all came at once.

Bitch:

I was just like, it was just a noisy. It was like, what, none of you had the balls to come out here and now you're ruining my time. So Frank Turner was good. The crowd was lovely. And the next night, well, I got a massage by this dude who like, holy Batman beat the crap out of me. Like at one point I was like, I need a tissue cause you actually beat the snot out of me. Cause he was doing the thing where. like the thing on your back,

Jerk:

Uh-huh.

Bitch:

which feels so good. And like snot is just like pouring out of

Jerk:

It's

Bitch:

my face and puddling on the floor beneath

Jerk:

so boring.

Bitch:

me. And like, it's very hard to concentrate your massage. When you're just like,

Jerk:

There's my snot puddle.

Bitch:

lift my snot pedal just like right in front of me.

Jerk:

staring at your snot puddle.

Bitch:

This dude's in socks. He's gonna step in my snot.

Jerk:

Oh

Bitch:

So, anyway, so I have a massage room and then so that night I went to go, they do magic shows at the Stanley and the different places there, the part of their event. And one of the magic shows is the seance. So like, I show up and first off, like they are very adamant that you had to be sober. So I tried to be sober. I did not succeed, but I tried. And so, but I go looking for this, right? Cause it's like, it says, you know, like go meet at blah, blah. So I go to like, it's a very big campus. And they're like, and the person at the ticket thing says, oh no, that's in the other building, like down the street. And I was like, oh shit. So

Jerk:

Oh, no.

Bitch:

I'm like flying down there in my little punk rock Cinderella from hell or whatever. Cause I'm in my black, you know, gorgeous dress. I got to wear my spider web necklace, which is always a fun thing. And I'm like, oh, I don't know, let's go to my seance. And so I'm going down the hill and then my phone rings. They're like, no, bitch, it's up here. And I was like, why did you send me that? So then I had to like,

Jerk:

Ugh.

Bitch:

I'm going through some mobility issues with my feet and like also

Jerk:

No.

Bitch:

hill. Like, so I had to walk back up this goddamn hill.

Jerk:

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Bitch:

At least like things that I'm just like in my docs because that's how I dress up these days. So like I get up there and like the last person into the seance. So like I get I get sat next to the medium

Jerk:

Oh, lucky you!

Bitch:

lucky me and um so but i also think it probably looks like i was staged right because here comes

Jerk:

That's

Bitch:

like

Jerk:

for

Bitch:

this

Jerk:

you.

Bitch:

gothic looking bitch who comes running

Jerk:

Running late,

Bitch:

in and

Jerk:

just

Bitch:

at

Jerk:

running

Bitch:

the end

Jerk:

in. Huh.

Bitch:

i'm so like i'm so sweaty

Jerk:

Sorry,

Bitch:

yeah

Jerk:

I apologize for my tardiness.

Bitch:

yes so you must forgive me i'm awful close but And so like, you know, they go through it like, and he asked like, he asked like things to like a card and stuff. I just kept forgetting like what card like I'd pulled, but I just like played it off. I'm like, yeah. So I like failing. So it was, it was fun, but you know, I learned a lot about the house, which I probably should have paid more attention to. But so I think that the founders of that place had to be spiritualist or spiritualist of Jason. and probably should have checked more into it. Like there was just things that he was talking about that they did in the house that I was like, oh, like I know, I know, I know your role. Like I know what you were doing. And so, but a lot of the things that were like in the seance that were, you know, so they're supposed to be like an old seance. So I wish he'd done more, like, like more knocking, more like taking more table, like just like the older, like the pull out the old tricks, man. Like

Jerk:

Mm-hmm.

Bitch:

give me some ectoplasm for your vagina. Like he didn't have a vagina, but like still, like ectoplasm somewhere would have been nice, you know? So

Jerk:

The

Bitch:

that

Jerk:

lack

Bitch:

was

Jerk:

of

Bitch:

cool.

Jerk:

ectoplasm was disappointing, apparently.

Bitch:

The lack of ectoplasm was disappointing.

Jerk:

Can you write that

Bitch:

And

Jerk:

in your review?

Bitch:

actually I need that on a fucking t-shirt. Like, probably that should be my review.

Jerk:

Oh

Bitch:

Like it will be the review of every paranormal thing I go on in the future.

Jerk:

Oh my god.

Bitch:

So after that, you know, I realized that I had not gone into the labyrinth, which would have been a tragedy because this is my last thing there. So there is a very famous hedge maze that is out

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

in front of the Overlook or the Stanley. And I was like, okay, so I'm going to go hang out in this hedge maze. And so while I was frolicking in there, like I do, I ran into some other people who were frolicking like they did, and we just became good friends. And it's just like we... You know, like I do sometimes at one o'clock in the morning. I don't know. Like I said, I tried to stay sober and that's the only time I'm friendly is when I'm not. So me and these people like start hanging out. We end up like hanging out inside and like one of them Beth, like this is, I'm just mad that I couldn't get their contact details. And so if you're listening, somehow find your way to this Beth.

Jerk:

Yes.

Bitch:

Find

Jerk:

There

Bitch:

my

Jerk:

you

Bitch:

contact

Jerk:

go.

Bitch:

details, slide into my, my DMS. I do not remember anybody else's name. So, um, there were many lessons, like, and one of like, Beth's dad was there and he reminded me of my dad. It was just like very fun. So like, they also turned out though, that they were part of the production company team that was putting on the Frank Turner event and having hanging out with Frank Turner all week. And so kind of like, an indication that they were going to go hang out with Frank Turner in a little bit.

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

And so it's like, well, I'm going to continue hanging out with you folks. But also like, I just generally like these people.

Jerk:

Right.

Bitch:

And I was having a good time. It hadn't been really social all weekend. Then the guy who runs this production company came up and he was a dick to me. And I don't remember his name, but he pulled away my new friends and took them away from me. I do know that he says

Jerk:

Rude.

Bitch:

he books like venues like all over in Dallas and other places. But I, he like, I have looked on all of the tickets or other things like, and couldn't find a production company mark. There was no presents. I went

Jerk:

Hmm.

Bitch:

through like all the Facebook comments like for this to see if like they didn't need like, you know, mentions of Frank Turner to see if there was any like cross promotion that somebody did. No, couldn't find that went through Instagram kind of did the same thing. Look, I am a nosy bitch and I will find it, but I just know like what will happen one day and this is going to be my pretty woman moment is one day Diana is going to be sitting in her boss ass bitch job and this little dick is going to come calling in. I remember his name is probably some white boy name like, you know, Matt Christie, whatever, and he's going to come in and she's going to see on there that is like. He's like, this is like my credentials, whatever. He was like, oh yeah, like I booked like this tour at the Stanley for Frank Turner and it was very successful. And then he's gonna wanna do something in like her things. And she's gonna look at that and go, you're the dick. And then he's not gonna get like whatever he wants at one of your venues. And then you're gonna call me and we're gonna be like, fuck that guy.

Jerk:

Ah

Bitch:

I had, that's my whole revenge thing that went through my head the rest of the weekend, took away my friends. It's rude.

Jerk:

That's right.

Bitch:

Well, it was really like, there was more of the attitude that he didn't like, that I was a nobody. I'm like,

Jerk:

So

Bitch:

who

Jerk:

un- rude. I don't

Bitch:

the,

Jerk:

understand

Bitch:

it's just

Jerk:

people.

Bitch:

rude. And you never know, like don't be a dick man.

Jerk:

Never know who you're

Bitch:

You

Jerk:

talking

Bitch:

never,

Jerk:

to!

Bitch:

you never know who you're talking to and someday that's gonna bite you in the fucking ass. But I can't wait for that karma day to come around. as I will it be. Anyways, that was my weekend.

Jerk:

Ah

Bitch:

Don't piss off at a witch when she's at the Stanley Hotel. That seems really stupid.

Jerk:

That also

Bitch:

You

Jerk:

seems

Bitch:

should.

Jerk:

questionable. Yeah, like, take in the surroundings, sir. Take in the surroundings.

Bitch:

Taking the surroundings, look at me in the spiderweb necklace. How dare you, sir. You see

Jerk:

How

Bitch:

them,

Jerk:

dare

Bitch:

gorgeous.

Jerk:

you.

Bitch:

Yes,

Jerk:

I

Bitch:

how

Jerk:

just came from

Bitch:

dare.

Jerk:

a seance.

Bitch:

I just came from the seance, sir.

Jerk:

Oh

Bitch:

I also think doing that seance job, wouldn't that be a fun retirement? You know,

Jerk:

I would be.

Bitch:

just like, you get to keep having a job and working, but just hang out and see ghosts. Very

Jerk:

I

Bitch:

super

Jerk:

don't know

Bitch:

fun.

Jerk:

about that. Yeah, sure. Maybe. I'll be scared.

Bitch:

I knew this was going to be a little eeeep, but they're not real ghosts.

Jerk:

You don't know.

Bitch:

show you could call them in and then but then that would be a to me is like then it'd be a fun adventure that you have a fun spooky adventure. Ghosts are our friends! Alright so what have you been up to?

Jerk:

Absolutely nothing because I got some gunky cold stuff and finally I'm over it. So I've been doing jack shit, cleaned up my medicine cabinet at the house, you know, important stuff, that kind of shit. So been very quiet in my world as I prep for a very busy and weird few weeks slash month ish. So yeah, that's about it.

Bitch:

You're not gonna do your promo?

Jerk:

I mean, the big thing to prep for is the Invasion Car Show, InvasionCarshow.com in Deep Elm on Saturday, September 23rd, gates open at 10 a.m. We've got a pinup contest in the afternoon, we've got awards, then we've got an after party with low straight jackets and more at Trees, Deep Elm, Dallas, TreesDallas.com.

Bitch:

Diana will answer the question, how smelly are those masks? That's all I want to.

Jerk:

I don't want to know. I don't want to know. But

Bitch:

I'm

Jerk:

we

Bitch:

going

Jerk:

do have

Bitch:

to

Jerk:

a

Bitch:

be

Jerk:

theme

Bitch:

heavy.

Jerk:

going because one of the opening bands wears gorilla masks. So now we're going to have a mask off.

Bitch:

They're gonna smell so bad. It's still

Jerk:

I don't want

Bitch:

so

Jerk:

to smell

Bitch:

hot.

Jerk:

them.

Bitch:

It's so hot.

Jerk:

It is lovely today. It was not hot, so I can't complain at all. Oh,

Bitch:

Yeah,

Jerk:

man.

Bitch:

I think it was just, it was so nice and like, I didn't sweat for like three days. It was wonderful.

Jerk:

You told me the temperature was below 60. That's cold. Fuck that. I'll take

Bitch:

No,

Jerk:

this.

Bitch:

in the daytime, it was like mid, got to like be about like mid eighties, right? But that

Jerk:

Okay.

Bitch:

was like by late afternoon. So the mornings and the evenings like got chilly really fast. So like, then it got down to like, I think like upper forties, elite,

Jerk:

Huh.

Bitch:

if not like low fifties. But like, that was just like, sorry, I wanted to drown it. But it was just really nice to see stars again. Like when you haven't seen like full stars in a while, just like, oh

Jerk:

That's

Bitch:

yeah,

Jerk:

my exam.

Bitch:

like. And I saw like a shooting star and or it was a comet or it was UFOs.

Jerk:

One of those SpaceX.

Bitch:

e that was first published in: 1936

Jerk:

Oh, well,

Bitch:

is

Jerk:

I didn't know it.

Bitch:

th,: 2011

Jerk:

Yeah, this episode's super fun and then it's not.

Bitch:

And it's not that it's bad, it's just not fun.

Jerk:

Correct.

Bitch:

It is

Jerk:

It's super

Bitch:

the

Jerk:

fun and then it's opposite of fun.

Bitch:

opposite of fun, yes.

Jerk:

Correct. Yeah.

Bitch:

Yep, so we start off with a bad-ass generator in the woods.

Jerk:

We got some motherfucking glamping going on.

Bitch:

That generator, holy shit, what? Like that smelled really bad. And like that was out of gasoline, you guys are burning, but also.

Jerk:

lovely, lovely glamping setup. That's the type of camping I could get behind these days. That's about it. I'm not a camper.

Bitch:

But I'm like, why do you have sleeping bags? Just put a fucking duvet on that shit.

Jerk:

Well, that's true too. Maybe

Bitch:

If you're

Jerk:

they're

Bitch:

gonna

Jerk:

just trying

Bitch:

pack

Jerk:

to be

Bitch:

a,

Jerk:

a little authentic.

Bitch:

I was like, if you're putting a pack of sleeping bag, pack a fucking duvet.

Jerk:

That's very reasonable. And, but something is stalking, something's running through the woods and stalking these glampers in their lovely, lovely place.

Bitch:

Yeah. And

Jerk:

Tent

Bitch:

as

Jerk:

thing.

Bitch:

I thought it was more of a cabin thing, I don't know, maybe it was a yurt. But so they're one of them though, he's listening to the sounds of nature in the forest. And that

Jerk:

It's

Bitch:

was

Jerk:

hilarious.

Bitch:

the real Bob Singer was not Bobby Singer, but the actual like dude Bob Singer. That was him doing the, you're listening to the sounds of nature.

Jerk:

That's

Bitch:

Well,

Jerk:

funny. It was funny to have them listening to the sounds of nature in nature, though. Clever.

Bitch:

Yes, that was also clever.

Jerk:

And then we get a, we can obviously tell something stalking them. And then all of a sudden we cut and there's the sleeping bag is hanging upside down from a tree and there's something in the tree coming for this guy in his sleeping bag. And then he did.

Bitch:

Oh no, I'm being eaten. Chomp, chomp, chomp. And then this is the sounds of nature as the chomping.

Jerk:

Yes. Tom chomp. And so we are in Hamonton, New Jersey. And Sam and Dean, they are

Bitch:

Squatting

Jerk:

being home

Bitch:

101,

Jerk:

electricians. They are being home electricians.

Bitch:

they're teaching squatting 101, which is how to get electricity in a shack.

Jerk:

Okay.

Bitch:

These

Jerk:

Bobby's

Bitch:

are all

Jerk:

there.

Bitch:

good things you need to know just in case.

Jerk:

Sure. They're just trying to stay off the grid. And so they're using a car battery cables to try to start up the power board at this house, which is doesn't seem safe. But anyways, Bobby and Dean is not into this shit, though. He is like, fuck this off the grid. Fucking squatting shit. Bobby's like, no, this is pretty necessary. And but Dean's response is, what if the world wants to end?

Bitch:

And you know, he's not wrong. And granted, this is like,

Jerk:

Ah!

Bitch:

it's my spooky goth, this is like the Dean, sometimes I kinda like this part of him. Then it's just like, you know what? It's just trying to end. Like it keeps fucking itself up. Let's just let it give it what it wants.

Jerk:

But Sam's noticed that there's a new case and they think it's been Jersey double sightings with these campers that was at camping high season, harshed by human burrito. That's the headline in the paper. And.

Bitch:

Yeah, you get it. And there's so many puns in there because it's camping high season. And then

Jerk:

Uh

Bitch:

it

Jerk:

huh.

Bitch:

is harsher

Jerk:

Harsh.

Bitch:

by human burrito because that's what people who are stoners would say. Not that I would know. But they also say that the Jersey Devil has bat wings and horns and a tail and a horse's head. But I also can't help but think of the Jersey Devil that's in what you do in the shadows that like sings and dances. That's the only Jersey Devil I can think of at this moment, but also human burrito. It's

Jerk:

Oh,

Bitch:

a

Jerk:

even

Bitch:

human

Jerk:

burrito.

Bitch:

burrito.

Jerk:

Well, Bobby's like, all right, well, let's just go hunt this. And Dean makes a joke about, you know, backwoods, crackheads, rolling glampers. But

Bitch:

He's

Jerk:

then

Bitch:

just, yeah,

Jerk:

Sam has

Bitch:

yeah.

Jerk:

to explain what a glamp, what glamping is. So

Bitch:

And Bobby

Jerk:

anyway.

Bitch:

was just, Bobby was not impressed, but also Bobby is just very excited to go hunting in the woods. And you know, there is just kind of this, Oh yeah, like Bobby's a hunter.

Jerk:

Yeah,

Bitch:

Like,

Jerk:

they talk about that.

Bitch:

yeah. So after Bobby

Jerk:

Cool.

Bitch:

gets not impressed with what a glamper is, they go to Biggersons.

Jerk:

Yes, and they are going to meet with park ranger or park ranger Rick ranger Rick cracked me up. Do you remember ranger Rick? Okay

Bitch:

Yeah.

Jerk:

with the magazines, yeah, anyways, uh with the raccoon ranger rick anyways Um, anyways, rick is just like very high like I don't know how to explain it. He's coming across super fucking high And it's just going on about how you got to respect mother nature or she'll string you up and eat your ass right through the Gore-Tex. Noted. Noted Ranger

Bitch:

noted,

Jerk:

Rick.

Bitch:

but you know, some people like their ass eaten. I also just enjoy the way he says burrito. So, um, I think he's also the one behind it to me. When we were going to figure out what this note was, we were supposed to record this a couple of days ago, so I'm going to behind

Jerk:

Yeah,

Bitch:

it and say,

Jerk:

I know.

Bitch:

but I figured out what my note says. Cause I said, I think he is the one behind the NPS Twitter and that is the national park

Jerk:

National

Bitch:

service

Jerk:

Park

Bitch:

to

Jerk:

Service

Bitch:

Twitter.

Jerk:

Twitter,

Bitch:

Yes.

Jerk:

which

Bitch:

And

Jerk:

is hilarious.

Bitch:

yes.

Jerk:

I follow their Instagram at least, it's good. So Sam and Dean have been interviewing him and they're just like, how this is not helpful. But Bobby enters, in the midst of this, they figured out that he did have an assistant Chief Ranger that has possibly been missing for a few days, but he just now kind of realized it. And... Bobby pulls Sam and Dina aside. He's like, yeah, I saw the body. This is not a Leviathan and there's none of info on a Jersey devil, but it's not a werewolf and not a wendigo. So what the fuck is this? And Dean's like, okay, well in the meantime, let's get a table and he asks the waiter for the table and this waiter is just a straight up. Like, brutal dick. Calls Dean, like, Dean's like, yeah, can we get a table for three? And he calls him a fucking douche. Like, damn.

Bitch:

Sometimes

Jerk:

Harsh.

Bitch:

you just call it like you see it and Brandon has a lot of flair on and my

Jerk:

Oh yeah.

Bitch:

nose. I just want you to appreciate my pun here because I said and he gets his head bit off and they get his head bit off not literally.

Jerk:

No.

Bitch:

But also Sam is amused that Dean can't find his burn. He just can't.

Jerk:

Mm-mm, doesn't have it. So now we've got a jerk waiter. But as we all know, if we've highlighted a character reaction at any point, we should probably note this character. Hmm, huh. All right, so good old Brandon's gonna serve them, calls Sam Big Bird, calls Dean Kendall, and calls Bobby a creepy uncle, and storms off. And they all basically have just agreed that Ranger Rick was high as fuck. as Dean digs into his sandwich, which is the Pepper Jack Turducken slammer.

Bitch:

And Bobby thinks that bird shouldn't be shoved up inside of each other.

Jerk:

I might have a point, I don't know.

Bitch:

Ah, no, true duck is delicious. So, but then Brandon just rage quits.

Jerk:

rage quits. I don't know where. So there we go. So cut to the.

Bitch:

after he called somebody fat.

Jerk:

Well, yeah, that's not very nice. So in the woods, we've got Sam Dean and Bobby, and this is where they're discussing and they're like, Oh yeah, Bobby knows like how to track things because Bobby did like regular hunting before he was a hunter, a capital H hunter. So it's kind of interesting. And as they're walking around, they find a body. hanging from a tree. So now they know they found Rick's buddy that was missing. And...

Bitch:

Yeah. And, you know, while they're walking through the woods, like one, I don't know how I feel about their gun safety. Like they're just kind of like flopping things all around. I do want to point out that I had Bobby is going all Bear Grylls because that is in my Google dictionary in my Google docs. Like Bear Grylls is like well known enough to be. And I just wanted to point that out. That's just weird.

Jerk:

Nice. I like it. Well, they, they get Rick to come out and he is just very slow to bother calling this in just very la-de-da for his buddy's body being found. And in the meantime, he gets stalked and yanked into the woods. So that's not good. So now Ranger Rick is dead and his buddy's dead. And Sam and Dean and Bobby try to kind of run after and Bobby's like, we got to turn off our lights to our rifles because they've got, they've got lights on their guns and it's nighttime by now. And they hear Rick being eaten. And then Bobby takes a shot and takes down whatever this thing, a body falls out of the tree for whatever was eating Rick. And it's a weird kind of blue guy. It looks like large march to me. From, from Peabody's

Bitch:

Ha ha ha.

Jerk:

Big Adventure. Anyways, and so they're like, well, that's a, that's not good. And so they leave with a monster body like they do. Leave, leave dead Rick, take the monster body and they go to their cabin and they're going to look at this monster and they're surprised. They're like, yeah, it really, you know, it was really fast and strong, but just came down with one bullet. Cue the surprise that he ain't dead.

Bitch:

No,

Jerk:

So,

Bitch:

no, no.

Jerk:

so they have to shoot it a whole bunch, a bunch.

Bitch:

They do. A lot.

Jerk:

Yeah. And they dig through its pockets and find out after it's dead again and find its wallet and figure out who it is. It's this guy. And, uh, apparently this guy's like lost weight from the time that his ID picture was taken, which you never know. That could have been a while ago, but they're still surprised and they're kind of trying to check this body out and they realize that his. Bullye holes have some like blue goo in them, which is really gross. And they've got to cut it open now after they poke the hole with a stick. It was just a weird scene.

Bitch:

Yeah, I don't know why they're poking it with a stick. Like

Jerk:

Right?

Bitch:

that's what, where did you, why do you have a stick? Like, okay, so whatever. So Dean drinks and he gets the munchies.

Jerk:

Yeah. And, um, yeah. So

Bitch:

inside the stomach.

Jerk:

is it's full of fresh Rick and a pine cone and a pack of gum and a cat's head. That's quite a array of things.

Bitch:

It was a whole cat's head.

Jerk:

That's pretty, that's a lot. And, but then they find the adrenal gland and it is massive and discolored. So not the Jersey devil and it's not Gerald anymore either. And then Dean just keeps talking about being hungry, which is weird. So we go back to Biggersons where Sam is researching more about Gerald to figure out who the fuck this guy was. Well, Dean eats another Turducken sandwich and they realize that this guy Gerald disappeared eight days ago. And.

Bitch:

And so like, did you take a close look at like the top of that sandwich? Like, did you see the wagon wheel on it?

Jerk:

Mm-hmm.

Bitch:

Yeah, so that's an actual ciabatta. So like the production company were making all these wagon wheel ciabattas, like dipping on these sandwiches. And then like the inside of the turducken was apparently a veggie burger that Dean's wife, that Ackles wife makes for him that he likes.

Jerk:

Oh, well, Dean is very distracted by his sandwich and is like making a lot of eating happy noises. It's just real fucking gross. He just doesn't care about the case at all. And he just doesn't fucking care. Just doesn't care. And Sam and Bobby look around and realize that everybody is just ravenously eating these sandwiches and just oblivious to everything around them. So Sam grabs the sandwich from Dean finally, and yeah, it's just not good. So they go back to the cabin and Sam.

Bitch:

Yeah, they get him out to the cabin with a wonderful tin foil swan, which is just adorable. I don't know

Jerk:

It

Bitch:

why

Jerk:

is.

Bitch:

a sandwich isn't a swan, but okay.

Jerk:

I don't either.

Bitch:

That's amazing. And then Dean just feels great. He doesn't

Jerk:

Yeah,

Bitch:

care.

Jerk:

he's like, yeah, you know, I've got that after cast and the black goo, I just don't care anymore. And I don't care that I don't care. I want my sandwich back.

Bitch:

I really will eat that sandwich. It

Jerk:

Ugh,

Bitch:

sounds great.

Jerk:

no.

Bitch:

But not,

Jerk:

And then,

Bitch:

no, no.

Jerk:

pass.

Bitch:

Why don't you, you know, you don't

Jerk:

Well,

Bitch:

want

Jerk:

as

Bitch:

a sandwich

Jerk:

the sandwich is

Bitch:

that

Jerk:

sitting

Bitch:

gurgles.

Jerk:

there, it gurgles and burps out blue goo. Ugh, ugh.

Bitch:

It's just like bloop bloop. And I was just kind of funny. I was eating an omelet this weekend and it was like a forager omelet. And they was like, so there were wild mushrooms but the mushroom was sticking out of the egg omelet. And it kind of was like, like this, but less purple gooey. But

Jerk:

Oh,

Bitch:

oh no, it's in the meat. Something's in the meat.

Jerk:

yeah. And they're like, yeah, this has to be what turned Gerald and making Dean an idiot. And Dean says, if I wasn't so chilled out right now, I would puke. Which is funny. So we're going to do a stakeout at Biggerson's distribution center. So we're going to a warehouse. Yay. While Dean

Bitch:

Diana's

Jerk:

sleeps off

Bitch:

favorite

Jerk:

his,

Bitch:

place.

Jerk:

while Dean's sleeping off his turducken high. Sam and Bobby are going to have a talk and they're like, Sam wants to know if Dean's really okay since Sam has gone cuckoo. Like, hey Bobby, is Dean okay since I've lost my shit with the Lucifer stuff? And then he lost Cass and he's just not really acting the same. And I'm worried about him. Bobby's like, uh, y'all both worry about each other. So it's fine. And Sam's like,

Bitch:

Anyway,

Jerk:

I'm

Bitch:

well,

Jerk:

actually

Bitch:

I think

Jerk:

okay.

Bitch:

the underscore of that was you are both codependent. Not that you

Jerk:

Mm.

Bitch:

worry about each other, that you're codependent.

Jerk:

Well, that too. But, you know, it sounds like I'm pretty good, though. Like, you know, it's I keep all my crazy under one umbrella. I'm pretty fine. You know, and Bobby looks a little bit suss about it, but OK. And then they see a poultry truck pulled in and a man wheels cases into the building from Midwest meat and poultry. Okay. And while they're watching all this go down, we see a we cut to a parking lot where a woman is walking to her car at night and something is obviously stalking her. And it is. It's our waiter friend rage quitter Brandon comes out of the woods slams her head into the concrete and it's about to kill her. when a car pulls up and a man walks up and backhands him. Weird. Okay. So now something is after these monster thingies, but back at the, uh, at the, the warehouse, we've got Sam, Bobby and Dean who's now awake watching this truck, you know, make this stop. And, and D it sounds like, it's kind of weird that a big chain is ordering from the small vendor. And a car pulls up. Who gets out of this car? Oh, fuck, it's Leviathan Edgar. That's not good. Not good. And he's got Brandon in his trunk. So he pulls him out with all of his flair.

Bitch:

Yeah.

Jerk:

Inside the factory or the warehouse, we've got Dr. Gaines back. Oh, great. And and apparently there's others that are like Brandon. And it's all part of an experiment which is mostly going well. But there's some adverse reactions and Edgar's like, OK, burn them all. No, no, just burn them all. It's like the doctor, the doctor gains like, no, there's test data. And Edgar's like, nope, Dick Roman's coming. Burn them all.

Bitch:

Yep, so all the peoples. Let's burn

Jerk:

All

Bitch:

the

Jerk:

the

Bitch:

peoples.

Jerk:

peoples, Brennan.

Bitch:

Well, because they're all now like ferocious rage zombies.

Jerk:

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Bitch:

So in the stakeout van, Bobby wants to know how Dean's head is. And he doesn't want to talk about like how a sandwich

Jerk:

Mm-mm.

Bitch:

drugged him. And again, I'm so jealous. So I went to look up to see like, can a sandwich get me high? So I'm going to quiz Diana about foods that get you high.

Jerk:

fun.

Bitch:

I think so. So that's what this quiz is called, Food That Gets You High. Like there could be a better name, I don't know. You can come up with it, but anyhow, you ready?

Jerk:

Yeah, sure.

Bitch:

Okay, all right, question number one. Four to eight teaspoons of this ground up thing will give you mild hallucinations. Too much of it and you could die. What is it?

Jerk:

four to eight teaspoons.

Bitch:

Let me know if you need a hand.

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

The Dutch called it Nootmouskat and traded it for the island of Manhattan.

Jerk:

Huh.

Bitch:

Nootmuskat.

Jerk:

I don't know. I'm going to miss out on already.

Bitch:

Nutmeg.

Jerk:

I'm starting poorly. Oh, duh. Really? Interesting.

Bitch:

Yeah, yeah,

Jerk:

Okay.

Bitch:

that's what New York was worth. You,

Jerk:

Nice.

Bitch:

Ooskott. I

Jerk:

Okay.

Bitch:

don't know, that's how you say it, but that's how I'm saying it.

Jerk:

I

Bitch:

All

Jerk:

like

Bitch:

right,

Jerk:

it.

Bitch:

question number two. All right, when refined, you can get addicted to this white powder, especially

Jerk:

Eh...

Bitch:

if you like the rush.

Jerk:

sugar

Bitch:

That is correct. Okay. All right, so now you got one. So you got one right. All right, number three. Ergo or ergot, I think it's ergot, which has been blamed for everything from the dancing plague, which is when in parts of Europe during the middle ages, people started dancing uncontrollably. Well, technically they weren't dancing, they were just convulsing in like a lot of pain, but it was kind of funny because it was like a dancer that they died from.

Jerk:

Hilarious.

Bitch:

This is hilarious. So this was blamed for that and for starring in the Salem witch trials and it's a fungus and it grows on what?

Jerk:

The fungus grows on wheat.

Bitch:

Ehhh, it's rye bread.

Jerk:

Not

Bitch:

So it's like a grain, but rye's not

Jerk:

quite.

Bitch:

wheat,

Jerk:

I knew

Bitch:

right?

Jerk:

it was grain adjacent. That's what I've been. I just went for the easy the easy grain.

Bitch:

Yeah. So this one, um, is something that I had to go to howtopronounce.com. And I don't know if I don't think like, I think we'd have to load it up as a sound thing for it to come through and see if you can hear this. Could you hear that? Damn, it was very loud in my ears. All right, so ichthyolyinotoxism. Yeah, I think that was it. Comes from eating species of what? Found in several parts of the tropics, the effects of which are reputed to be similar in some aspects to LSD. Experiences

Jerk:

Mushrooms.

Bitch:

can include vivid auditory and visual hallucinations.

Jerk:

Mushrooms.

Bitch:

No is a fish.

Jerk:

What? Oh, dang.

Bitch:

Yeah, and so

Jerk:

I was

Bitch:

that,

Jerk:

so confident too. I was so confident.

Bitch:

you were very confident, you wouldn't even let

Jerk:

Dang.

Bitch:

me finish the thing, and you're like, mushrooms,

Jerk:

I know.

Bitch:

it's shrooms. And no, ichthyolyl autotoxism, that is

Jerk:

Oh

Bitch:

mainly how

Jerk:

yeah, it's

Bitch:

I said

Jerk:

poise.

Bitch:

it,

Jerk:

It's good. That's because poisonous

Bitch:

that word equals hallucinogenic fish inebriation.

Jerk:

What?

Bitch:

Isn't that a great term? I love it.

Jerk:

That is a great term.

Bitch:

And so the fish are called dream fish. And you can get high from the algae that the fish eat. So maybe it's not necessarily the fish that's good. So you could just eat the algae, I guess, but, or maybe the fish have to eat it first. Last one. All right. So mulberry, which is also called chatute is known. which is known for its antioxidant properties and many health benefits. But if you eat too much of it, what could potentially happen?

Jerk:

I mean, my first instinct is not going to be on brand. So I'm going to go with on brand being you could get high and maybe die.

Bitch:

I mean, that's one thing, yeah, that could totally happen.

Jerk:

Other thing I would say diarrhea.

Bitch:

Yep, that's definitely the one. That is, too many berries has

Jerk:

But too

Bitch:

a...

Jerk:

many insert any preface, Barry. That's just what happens.

Bitch:

Eating too many berries may have a laxative effect. Additionally, if you eat the unripe green fruit, that can cause nausea, cramps, and a hallucinogenic effect. But also, all part of this mulberry plant, besides the ripe fruit, contain a toxic, milky sap.

Jerk:

Ew.

Bitch:

Also the name of my next sex album.

Jerk:

toxic milky sap. Ew.

Bitch:

I also

Jerk:

Oh!

Bitch:

don't know what a sex album is, but that's what I'm making. Anyways, I just

Jerk:

Oh

Bitch:

also love that it's called, I don't know, Shatoo too. So that

Jerk:

Shatoot.

Bitch:

ends.

Jerk:

And the toxic Milky

Bitch:

You're

Jerk:

sap.

Bitch:

going to eat your musketoot and your newt muskot. Or I think these could also be death metal bands. We're going to

Jerk:

They

Bitch:

reach

Jerk:

could.

Bitch:

a death metal band.

Jerk:

Nude Mascot does sound like a death metal band. Like from like Denmark. Nude Mascot.

Bitch:

No, no, no. Nude mascot. Fear the new mascot. And then we're going to go burn a church, because that's what we do in death. Poor new mascot. All right. So that was foods that get you high. Dun, dun, dun.

Jerk:

culinary high.

Bitch:

A culinary high.

Jerk:

There we go. So

Bitch:

All

Jerk:

I did

Bitch:

right.

Jerk:

poorly at that. So you know that my, where my interests lie, apparently not in getting high on foods. I don't know, that's all I got.

Bitch:

You're, you're a standup citizen

Jerk:

Sure,

Bitch:

or

Jerk:

that's

Bitch:

just

Jerk:

what that's

Bitch:

don't get it.

Jerk:

not

Bitch:

You're

Jerk:

what

Bitch:

like,

Jerk:

I was going for. No. Oh,

Bitch:

Oh, okay.

Jerk:

all right.

Bitch:

So Bobby, this goes back to Bobby and Dean. All right. So

Jerk:

Yes.

Bitch:

Bobby says to Dean, so the world's, you basically like reading back to Dean, you know, so the world's a suicide case. We save it. It just steals more pills. And I'm just like, that is fucking darn awesome.

Jerk:

It is. It is dark. And Dean, he's like, but Bobby's just trying to figure out, like, what the fuck is this new mentality? And that's a reasonable question when all they've ever done is try to save people and save the world. And then now Dean's like, fuck it. I mean, we'll try, but who fucking cares? Kind of an attitude. That's a big change in philosophy.

Bitch:

It's becoming very nihilist and also Bobby points out that this is very dangerous as a hunter,

Jerk:

It is.

Bitch:

or I think just in any, any job where you could be physically in danger. If your brain or your heart's not in

Jerk:

Right.

Bitch:

it, it's probably not like, I don't think this is because Bobby's just like, you know, if you're a hunter and you get distracted like this, you know, you're going to die. That's when you get eaten by

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

a werewolf. But I'm also just like, you know, that's when you like trip and fall off the telephone pole, that's when like you slip and fall into the washing machine. Like whatever, like you can just

Jerk:

slip.

Bitch:

get distracted. What? I don't know how people die at work. I'm assuming someone's tripped and died in the washing machine.

Jerk:

I'm sure somebody has, which is a really weird example. Thank you. So, yeah, but Dean's like, no, I'm fine. I just stopped thinking that it all matters. And, Dean, Bobby's just trying to call him out. And he's like, look, you know, you can't be like that. And that's basically it. You just can't have that mentality. And he needs to find his reason to get back in the game, whether it's love, spite, or a $10 bet. And he's got to just get back engaged. And then Sam comes back. Sam had been out surveilling things and they see black SUVs pull up. Guess who's there? We're finally going to have the intro, a real intro to Dick Roman, because all we've had so far is just the back of a limo with Crowley.

Bitch:

Now we get a montage.

Jerk:

Mm-hmm. And Bobby knows exactly who he is, because apparently Dick Roman is not just a dick and a guy that Crowley hates, but also this Dick Roman person that the Leviathan is now inside, Leviathan Dick Roman, has been spent like the last like very short period of time, like weeks. He was already a somewhat powerful business person. But now he's like insanely powerful doing all these crazy like corporate takeovers and all this stuff. And the news ticker as we're getting this like whole montage about who the fuck Dick Roman is, says the rise of Dick.

Bitch:

It does. It does. It says the rise of Dick. They

Jerk:

I was

Bitch:

just

Jerk:

dying.

Bitch:

they go whole hog with this. Like, so we get the rise of Dick. He wants to be a shark. I believe in merging and coming out on top. Then we get Dick with Joe Biden, then Dick with Prince, one

Jerk:

Criterion,

Bitch:

of them.

Jerk:

we got that, we got the NRA gets a shout out, George W. Bush, Clinton,

Bitch:

Yeah, and they just

Jerk:

like.

Bitch:

start doing like the Photoshop just gets like progressively worse as it goes through

Jerk:

Oh

Bitch:

it.

Jerk:

yeah.

Bitch:

Like by the end it's just like they're just pacing his picture on shit. Oh,

Jerk:

And then...

Bitch:

and there's like a hit with the rifle. I think, I don't know, I have in quotes and I don't remember where it was. Like, Roman is ruthless but good looking.

Jerk:

Oh my gosh. And I like the comment where Crowley doesn't hate Dick in general. He hates Dick Roman.

Bitch:

Ah.

Jerk:

So, uh, so Bobby's like, we got to figure this shit out. And so I've got this fancy ass toy from Frank's big brother collection and we're going to eavesdrop.

Bitch:

Yeah, so that's a real thing. And you can buy them on the internet. And

Jerk:

Hmm.

Bitch:

so but like, there was like, basically, it's ideas like eavesdropping by visual vibrations. So like what he's pointing at, like, so there's like, he either have like an audio amplifier, or like what I think he was doing was getting sound through the glass. And so like researchers have been able to do this by doing it like through like, like a plastic bag, or like, like even they can get speech like by watching like a bag of potato chips. So like you can

Jerk:

Hmm.

Bitch:

be talking next to a bag of potato chips. And then like basically, like by looking at the way that your sound reflects off of that bag of ruffles, like we can hear what you're, I mean they can hear what you're saying. Really great.

Jerk:

That's

Bitch:

Oh, so creepy,

Jerk:

cool

Bitch:

but you want one, don't you?

Jerk:

though, that's creepy. So, I mean kind of, yeah. So, we cut to a scene in a house and we see a woman, a kid, and a man just blankly like staring at the TV eating their turducken slammers.

Bitch:

My dream life.

Jerk:

And the TV though is actually showing like full on like invasive eye surgery.

Bitch:

They're

Jerk:

And they're

Bitch:

watching

Jerk:

not reacting.

Bitch:

the surgery channel.

Jerk:

And

Bitch:

Does

Jerk:

we

Bitch:

the

Jerk:

realize...

Bitch:

surgery channel still exist? I mean, I guess like the TLC still does it. Yeah. I mean.

Jerk:

Yes.

Bitch:

You never

Jerk:

I

Bitch:

watched

Jerk:

don't

Bitch:

the surgery channel?

Jerk:

know. No.

Bitch:

It's what you do when you're really, not that I would know. I would have heard that people do that when they're really high.

Jerk:

Okay. Well,

Bitch:

So,

Jerk:

we

Bitch:

you know, but...

Jerk:

said this tracks with the theme here.

Bitch:

I heard once that people were watching that while they were on acid and it was terrifying. I heard that, yeah,

Jerk:

That tracks. That sounds terrifying.

Bitch:

yeah.

Jerk:

Well, we zoom out and this isn't in somebody's home that things are just sad. This is a simulation inside the warehouse. Oh, and grandma's in the side chair and grandma dead.

Bitch:

She's so dead.

Jerk:

She's dead and no one cares. And they're being observed in the meat warehouse. WTF.

Bitch:

Hehehehe

Jerk:

And Dr. Gaines is explaining to Dick Roman that the additive makes people crave it more. The first dog starts working on their DNA, they gain weight, slows their metabolism, it dulls their emotions, and it makes them complacent. Huh. And

Bitch:

There is

Jerk:

Dick.

Bitch:

a, there's a problem. If you leave the meat out for over an hour, it reverts back to its unappealing state.

Jerk:

Yeah, it's gross. And but, but Dick's got his he's got to share his philosophy because he's like, you know what I love? Other than handball and a really crisp Chardonnay progress. And but he wants to he wants to know what the failures and he's like, well, I want all complacency. But apparently, there's a point 03% adverse reaction. And that's where we get our crazy

Bitch:

Well, the crazy murder effects is actually called hyper, hyper adrenalized cannibalism.

Jerk:

Yes.

Bitch:

And I really like want to see the, uh, what would you call it? Like the, the far, like, oh, damn, I'm going to lose this joke. Um, the pharmaceutical ad where they're going through the side effects. And they're

Jerk:

Yeah, with

Bitch:

just

Jerk:

side

Bitch:

like,

Jerk:

effects, yes.

Bitch:

side effects may include, you know, rage, you're not noticing that your relatives have been dead, hyper adrenalized cannibalism.

Jerk:

Right. Yeah, no, I can definitely hear it. I can hear it. Yeah. And, uh, and Dick Roman though doesn't like that. There's been even this small variation, uh, or deviation or failure. So he's gonna, he wants to make it a teachable moment. And um, if you get the heebie-jeebies, when you hear Dick Roman talking about a teachable moment, you would, you would be reacting properly. So Sam, um, back outside Sam and Dean are trying to listen in to what's going on inside while Bobby's still trying to set up the device, but they can't hear shit yet. But then Bobby sees movement in the meeting room. Oh, well we see Dick and, uh, it's his, uh, it's I guess his executive assistant, Olivia Chang is her name. Uh, or she, no, I'm sorry. I lied. Susan. Susan is her

Bitch:

She

Jerk:

name.

Bitch:

could be Chief

Jerk:

Sorry.

Bitch:

Operating Officer. We don't know

Jerk:

She

Bitch:

what

Jerk:

could.

Bitch:

her role is. She don't know.

Jerk:

She's she's she is Dick Romans right hand. That's what we can tell

Bitch:

Yes,

Jerk:

and

Bitch:

she's

Jerk:

this

Bitch:

the

Jerk:

is

Bitch:

chief

Jerk:

Susan

Bitch:

of staff. There's a number of things Susan could be doing. Don't put her down. Not that there's anything wrong with being an executive

Jerk:

with being

Bitch:

assistant.

Jerk:

a secretary, but we just

Bitch:

I'm just

Jerk:

don't

Bitch:

saying

Jerk:

know.

Bitch:

she can be anything. Susan,

Jerk:

Yeah, she.

Bitch:

you can be anything you want to be.

Jerk:

You be whatever you want, Susan, you evil Leviathan bitch. And basically they're talking about rescheduling a lunch with a Senator. No big deal. And Dick's like, yeah, we're shutting this program down. We broke the golden rule. And Dr. Gaines is like, don't make the papers. And Dick's like, no, that's not the golden rule. The golden rule is there's no such thing as monsters.

Bitch:

It's been a good roll.

Jerk:

It is. Anything contrary is bad for the overall plans. So they have to teach Dr. Gaines a lesson and Susan pulls out a folded bib, like the one you wear when you go eat like lobster or something. Huh, that's weird. And she sits Dr. Gaines down and puts a bib on him because they want to make him his example. Well. He makes his Leviathan face and has to eat himself.

Bitch:

He needs

Jerk:

What

Bitch:

himself.

Jerk:

the actual buck? That's the example is to make

Bitch:

I'm

Jerk:

each

Bitch:

also

Jerk:

eating himself.

Bitch:

like, so now we know what bibbing is, but I'm also like, fuck you, I'm gonna eat myself. Like, how are you gonna force me to eat myself? No,

Jerk:

I don't

Bitch:

fuck

Jerk:

know.

Bitch:

you.

Jerk:

That's what's weird.

Bitch:

I

Jerk:

Well,

Bitch:

say no, I say no to this, sir. But anyway,

Jerk:

well,

Bitch:

so apparently

Jerk:

Bobby's,

Bitch:

if you're a Leviathan, you cannot say no and you eat

Jerk:

I guess

Bitch:

yourself.

Jerk:

not. Yeah. And Bobby's relaying this, but then he gets caught. Uh-oh. And he gets punched in the face and dragged away. So Sam and Dean have to go look for him and he is gown, but they did see a janitorial truck pull up. So guess what they're going to do? Go right in after Bobby as janitors. Because

Bitch:

Well,

Jerk:

of course they are. Kind

Bitch:

I think

Jerk:

of.

Bitch:

it was more about they were going to get the cleaning solution out of there, not that they were going to go in as janitors.

Jerk:

I'm just saying that was what was implied at this moment in the

Bitch:

Okay,

Jerk:

episode.

Bitch:

I just I don't think like you know, okay

Jerk:

But no, they didn't. They just went. They just went and got a shit ton of borax, but we'll get

Bitch:

Yeah,

Jerk:

there.

Bitch:

which, yeah, okay.

Jerk:

So Dick and Susan are hanging out with Bobby, who's pretending to be unconscious in the office

Bitch:

because he's smart.

Jerk:

because he's smart. But Dick calls him out for faking. He's like, and by the way, you're not even tied up, but don't worry, you can't escape. So he's like, look, look at my new Sotheby's win. I got these really pretty matching pearl handle revolvers in a velvet box. It's just really random things to show off at this moment in time.

Bitch:

Yeah, so, and Susan gets reminded because, okay, she's still underneath him. And so she takes out the bib and it was just, you know, to me, that's very stressful because like all the little black dots, which I don't know

Jerk:

wouldn't they

Bitch:

of,

Jerk:

just

Bitch:

like.

Jerk:

run off of that plastic?

Bitch:

Right. Like all for that plastic onto the floor. And like that gives me such anxiety.

Jerk:

Would it smell like, ooh,

Bitch:

I don't know.

Jerk:

is

Bitch:

I don't know. Like, so

Jerk:

Leviathan

Bitch:

Susan,

Jerk:

black goo stinky?

Bitch:

you don't have to take this. You do not. You stand

Jerk:

You

Bitch:

up to

Jerk:

can

Bitch:

your

Jerk:

be

Bitch:

boss.

Jerk:

whatever you want,

Bitch:

You want

Jerk:

we told

Bitch:

to be

Jerk:

you.

Bitch:

Susan. You don't have to be a bid taker.

Jerk:

Well, Dick's going to pontificate to Bobby about how much about guns and the machine and the idea of them and how it was an inspired invention. And anyways, Bobby's like, Look, I'm not really worth all your extra time. So and Dick's like, Don't worry, I'm going to eat you but I want to be prepared for it. So don't worry when because I know somebody's going to swoop in and try to save you. Bobby's like, no, Sam and Dean aren't gonna swoop in. They are too smart for that. We don't have the numbers to pull it off.

Bitch:

Yeah, so a couple of things about the gun before we get to the rescue thing. So these are actually, did you look at them before? So these are actual old single shot revolvers and so they open differently than like, so like my revolver, you just like flip open and then it is like, boop, boop. And this one, like you have to like open it a certain way. And then like when you use it, you have to always have to pull the trigger and then the hammer. And so they were like thinking they were going to have to, you know, teach Dick Roman, like all this stuff that he is just like, oh, no, I like old guns in my hobby. So like, he's like sitting there, like you watch him loading this gun as he's talking,

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

like he looks very natural. Like he's doing a really good job of loading this. Also He does make this line, which I just thought was really, really bad, but just very well written. And so he's telling Bobby that the actual Dick Roman may have been worse. And then he was like, he's like, because he said, but like the late great actual Dick Roman, Roman used to say the whore as he kicked out of the presidential suite.

Jerk:

Oh yeah.

Bitch:

Cute don't, cute don't quite hack it sugar.

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

Wow, that is fucked up. That is like, it's super fucked up. I just, wow. Like I don't even think like you could have that line on TV now.

Jerk:

Yeah, you could, but it'd be a bad

Bitch:

I

Jerk:

guy only.

Bitch:

don't know, it's just like, it's so, like, it's just very well written and very bad. Like for just

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

a small line, like the emotional impact of it, it's like, oh shit.

Jerk:

I have a weird question that's just a pop like a total fan like pontification question. There's like a weird implication and now if it's intentional that Leviathans don't have any kind of sexual desire.

Bitch:

No, they do. I don't

Jerk:

my...

Bitch:

think of a bias in fuck.

Jerk:

I didn't think that... because like he didn't give a fuck about the horrors like you know what I mean like these people

Bitch:

I

Jerk:

have

Bitch:

think

Jerk:

power

Bitch:

they're kind of,

Jerk:

and money

Bitch:

I mean, I also just think they're kind of genderless, you know, like, and they're just

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

like, yeah, like, I

Jerk:

I just

Bitch:

don't

Jerk:

thought

Bitch:

know, like.

Jerk:

just my observation after kind of like just watching their interaction, because like there's

Bitch:

I mean

Jerk:

not

Bitch:

they're

Jerk:

saying there

Bitch:

kind

Jerk:

has

Bitch:

of-

Jerk:

to be sexual tension, but you just don't see any even like hint of anything like

Bitch:

Well,

Jerk:

that.

Bitch:

maybe think about it, like Leviathan being sort of like a snake-like monster. Like, snakes are typically horny.

Jerk:

No. They aren't like, hey, I'm sneaky

Bitch:

Like they're just

Jerk:

snake.

Bitch:

not known to be like horny, right? They're not the animal that we

Jerk:

They aren't

Bitch:

use

Jerk:

bunny,

Bitch:

as

Jerk:

they

Bitch:

an

Jerk:

aren't

Bitch:

example.

Jerk:

bunnies or dolphins.

Bitch:

Yeah, we're not like, man, and then like he opened his, whatever the fuck that thing is, and then

Jerk:

weird

Bitch:

like,

Jerk:

mouth.

Bitch:

well, no, the thing that, you know, the sort of the scene that like on the belly opens up and like the penis

Jerk:

Oh, yeah,

Bitch:

comes

Jerk:

no.

Bitch:

out, and like there's

Jerk:

Yeah,

Bitch:

one like

Jerk:

no.

Bitch:

though the bad joke, I don't know, like snakes aren't sexy. Sorry guys, if you think snakes are sexy, but anyways,

Jerk:

Oh,

Bitch:

so

Jerk:

of course,

Bitch:

maybe

Jerk:

we talk

Bitch:

that's

Jerk:

about this

Bitch:

why.

Jerk:

while I'm wearing my snaky snake dress, but OK. All right.

Bitch:

Well, are you gonna pop that open so we can sex your snake?

Jerk:

No, no, we're

Bitch:

No, we're not sexy and it's

Jerk:

not.

Bitch:

next to night

Jerk:

No, I don't like real snakes very much. I'm just like. Ideas

Bitch:

I just

Jerk:

of

Bitch:

like

Jerk:

snakes.

Bitch:

them on

Jerk:

I

Bitch:

my clothes.

Jerk:

like ideas of snakes. All right. So while this is going down in the lab, Sam and Dean are bust in and are they dressed as janitors? No, they're not, but they've got giant spray bottles of Borax.

Bitch:

They sure do.

Jerk:

And they're getting shooting up Edgar and all these other Leviathans in the warehouse. Ha ha. So Dick hears this commotion and leaves Bobby alone because he's so fucking confident that Bob that Bobby can't get away. And so Bobby starts digging through files, getting maps and schematics and then loads of pistol and takes a file and a gun. And as he's trying to leave, Susan shows up and. And then he's like, I'm going to go

Bitch:

Susan!

Jerk:

ahead and do it. And then he's like, I'm going to do it. And then he's like, I'm going to

Bitch:

It just does.

Jerk:

fran dick. fran dick.

Bitch:

to just brain, Dick, and Dick just wants you to know that is not how we communicate from a place of yes.

Jerk:

So, so Bobby's, Bobby's downstairs now manages to shoot Dick in the back twice. But we know that that's not going to kill him, but Dean throws some borax on them and they all run. Running, running, running. They're going to escape.

Bitch:

We have a race to the van.

Jerk:

We've

Bitch:

There's

Jerk:

got a

Bitch:

very,

Jerk:

race.

Bitch:

very

Jerk:

They're going

Bitch:

tension.

Jerk:

to make it. They're getting out. It's great. And, but Bobby slows down cause he wants to hit Dick in the face with a crowbar because he thinks he's getting too close. and it finally runs outside and they all get in the van. And right then, Dick runs outside as the van's about to pull away and starts shooting and the van peels out. I don't want to talk anymore. That's it.

Bitch:

Then the show's over, goodbye.

Jerk:

That's it. That's all we got.

Bitch:

That's all that happens.

Jerk:

So.

Bitch:

And then Taya finally realizes why Liz and wanna watch this episode and why Liz has been warning her about this and the upcoming thing. So Sam tries to give Bobby his hat.

Jerk:

Yeah, which is weird that his hat's in the front seat, by the way. This makes that part makes absolutely no sense at all.

Bitch:

I've seen it, I think, I don't know, I think in something I've seen the explanation of how that happens, but like, I guess like he jumped in

Jerk:

That's a

Bitch:

and

Jerk:

stretch.

Bitch:

like, I don't know, the hat, I think this is one of those annoying things that fans ask at like a convention. Like

Jerk:

It does not make sense.

Bitch:

how did Bobby's hat get in the front of the fan?

Jerk:

It's a stupid question too, but it's still dumb. Anyway, so they're like, oh man, that was a close one. And then Sam holds up Bobby's hat and we see a bullet hole in the hat in the front, which is not good because we know he's wearing his hat forwards. And so we've got, as the band is driving very quickly, we've got Sam and Dean yelling Bobby over and over again.

Bitch:

That's stressful.

Jerk:

Very stressful. And the episode ends like that.

Bitch:

So stressed.

Jerk:

Very stressful. They didn't even get to stop any monsters really. I mean they killed a couple leviathans but the program was being shut down by the leviathan dick anyways.

Bitch:

Did they win friends?

Jerk:

No.

Bitch:

Do they influence the monsters? Maybe they influence them. They're influencers, monster influencers.

Jerk:

I don't know, that's a stretch.

Bitch:

Oh, it's not like influencers. My anyways, so, uh, is there a casting couch?

Jerk:

There he is. We've got a couple of people to note this time. So we've got our ranger. Rick was played by Sean Rodgerson. He had small parts in the underworld evolution films. He was in single episodes of Smallville, Fringe, a few episodes of Arrow. And he's a reoccurring character in this Hallmark's film series called Signed, Sealed, Delivered. Susan was played by Olivia Chang. She's been in episodes of the 4,400, Fringe, Flash, and Arrow. A lot of overlap. And

Bitch:

Hehehehe

Jerk:

then she's also in the Hallmark film series, Signed, Sealed, Delivered. She was Master Gao in Deadly Class, which is a sci-fi series as a regular. And

Bitch:

I'd like you to say like it is a sci-fi, okay, one unfortunately the sci-fi series that was canceled

Jerk:

Was. Excuse

Bitch:

But

Jerk:

me, was.

Bitch:

it was like for one season. It was fucking amazing and it had the

Jerk:

No,

Bitch:

most

Jerk:

I

Bitch:

amazing

Jerk:

heard good things about it. I want to watch it.

Bitch:

It has the most amazing 80s punk rock soundtrack that was like ever made and it's so good

Jerk:

Well, and then she plays Charlotte in Sea, which S E E. It's a show on Apple Plus with Jason Momoa. And

Bitch:

She's

Jerk:

then

Bitch:

awesome.

Jerk:

our last cast of note today is Brandon, our waiter. Was played by Jason McKinnon. And you would have seen him in episodes of Fringe, The Flash, Wayward Pines and Kung Fu. He's also an Irish worker in Night at the Museum. And he's been, he's done his little round of Hallmark Christmas movies. There we go.

Bitch:

Oh man, at least like, if anything, at least that crappy train keeps actors employed.

Jerk:

There we go.

Bitch:

when

Jerk:

I

Bitch:

they

Jerk:

enjoy

Bitch:

can work.

Jerk:

them. I watch. I like watching some of them during the holidays.

Bitch:

I can't,

Jerk:

It's great fluff.

Bitch:

I can't,

Jerk:

That's

Bitch:

I

Jerk:

great

Bitch:

can't anymore.

Jerk:

fluff.

Bitch:

There's too much

Jerk:

No.

Bitch:

of it. There's too much. I can't. Well, also, you know, it's my mom, one of her things is Hallmark, the Hallmark Mystery Channel. And it's even worse.

Jerk:

Oh.

Bitch:

Like they're all like, and it's like, especially like the Hallmark Christmas movies, you know, we're not going to, I've gone off them for whatever. So this episode, damn.

Jerk:

It was very fun and then it wasn't. That's I stand by my assessment. It was a pretty fun episode with like the, I mean, it's creepy as fuck. Don't get me wrong with the complacency sandwiches, but Terducken

Bitch:

Yeah.

Jerk:

complacency sandwiches.

Bitch:

Well...

Jerk:

But it's also like, it's interesting, like a interesting premise and oh my gosh, there's a stakeout and blah, blah. And we're dealing with Dean not caring, Dean going nihilist and.

Bitch:

I mean, we have, there's so much that they throw into this, right? I mean, cause

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

you've got basically, you've got Soylent Green, right? Soylent

Jerk:

Mm-hmm.

Bitch:

Green is people, but it's not people, it's goo.

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

You have, you know, the government has been infiltrated with lizard people,

Jerk:

Yeah.

Bitch:

although it's not lizard people, it's the snake people, but it's still the same thing. The government has been

Jerk:

close

Bitch:

infiltrated

Jerk:

enough.

Bitch:

with lizard people, right? So we've got that going on. So that's hilarious. Then we've got, you know, just the lampers hanging and becoming burritos. So, I mean, we've got burritos.

Jerk:

I mean, you've got it all. If

Bitch:

got

Jerk:

you got

Bitch:

it

Jerk:

burritos,

Bitch:

all.

Jerk:

you got it all.

Bitch:

If you've got burritos, like you are you're just fine, right?

Jerk:

You're fine. It's all fine.

Bitch:

Even the burritos

Jerk:

Ah.

Bitch:

are ranger ricks. Uh, so yeah, it was just, it was, I think Edlin's writing, like really, it was really good.

Jerk:

Mm-hmm.

Bitch:

And it just, you know, it was a fun episode. It is just, you know, as this is the parts where like, as the rewatcher, it gets hard, like, and I know like trying to just kill things to Diana or just like, that sucks. I want to do this. done.

Jerk:

Hmm. I'm worried about the next episode.

Bitch:

Yeah.

Jerk:

I am. Apparently I should

Bitch:

All

Jerk:

be.

Bitch:

right.

Jerk:

So that's good.

Bitch:

So I'm just like, I don't know, maybe. Yeah. It's, it's going to be great. It'll be super fun.

Jerk:

Sure, totally.

Bitch:

Super fun. I can't wait to do it.

Jerk:

Uh huh.

Bitch:

Yay. We will, it will please, you know, tune in and listen to like, I was like, why listen to the show that we're just, but we will, we will make it fun somehow. God damn it.

Jerk:

find a way. We will find a way!

Bitch:

All right. With a cheers, jerk.

Jerk:

Cheers, bitch.